Miss Information

My boyfriend's a great partner, but I'm worried he doesn't make enough money to support me.

By Cait Robinson

Have a question for Miss Information? Email missinfo@nerve.com.

Dear Miss Information,

I'm a bit old for your advice maybe, but here goes. My man and I are middle-aged. He is of Mediterranean descent, and very hot-blooded. He's slept with hundreds of women. His long-term relationships didn't work. He said he was okay with sleeping with me, providing that I accept he wants multiple sex partners. He loves porn and is addicted to the young beautiful chicks in those movies. I can't blame him for that. We'd all love to look like them.

But recently he's begun really rubbing my nose in the fact that he finds others more attractive, young, and desirable than me. He's nasty and critical at times, despite my acceptance of his lifestyle. I have no other sexual partners, but he has many. He has a string of lovers, and spends nights with all of them. So his needs are met. He also has women from his own country whom he entertains here, while I stay out of the way.

I feel he's taking me for granted, but I'm unable to break it off. I need advice, but I'm ashamed of needing this advice at my age. I feel old, ugly, and used like an old dustbin. I want a relationship, but I want some of the good stuff too, like sex, and I don't want to feel that I am finished just because this relationship has taken all my self-esteem.

— The Other, Other, Other Woman

Dear TOOOW,

If a relationship makes you feel terrible, drop it. This advice is true of everything in life: cities you live in, food you eat, snakes you handle during religious ceremonies. If something makes you miserable, it's wrong for you. Done.

Why does your boyfriend's happiness get priority over yours? Just because he's "hot-blooded" and promiscuous doesn't mean he's worth more than you. It doesn't even mean he's more attractive or charismatic than you. It just means he interacts with the world differently than you do. If you wanted to live a life of casual attachments and strangers' underwear hanging from the lampshade, you undoubtedly could. It's not a priority for you, so it's not a reality. None of this means you're worthless.

You assume your age is an impediment, but I've gotten this letter many times before, from people in their teens, twenties, thirties, and so on. The question of "I want x but he wants y" is by no means age-specific. Hear this and believe it: your age will not impede you from finding someone who respects and values you. Someone great is out there. Drop this relationship and find a better one.

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