Dear Miss Information,

I've been dating a guy for a little under a year. He's amazing. He dotes on me, and he's emotionally available, witty, and intelligent. My friends and outsiders see us as the ideal couple, and want to achieve what we have, but secretly, I feel so lost. He's been working in a dead-end job for six-plus years. It's not a career, nor will it lead to one. He gets paid enough for a bachelor of his age, but he's seven years older than me, and I feel he should have more ambition about bringing in money for a future wife and kids. I'm starting to think of a family, a house, a suburban life. I worry whether he'll ever be able to support me.

Is this a reason to walk away? I've debated this for a while. He's responsible and doesn't get into debt, but it saddens me that he lets his intelligence and education go to waste.

On the other hand, my father is self-made and provided for our entire family on his own, but he missed most of my childhood, and wasn't a partner to my mom. My boyfriend would be an ideal, hands-on husband and father, but he's lacking in the financial department. This could put a strain on any marriage. What do I do?

— Centsless

Dear Centsless,

Play with this idea: is it better to live a life full of love and support, or live a life with money?

Now, granted, it's easy to extol the virtues of huddling around a single candle as the camera pans across everyone's dirty and grateful faces. We might all like to claim that we never once thought about bank accounts, because we were so in love. But it's true: financial troubles do create strain in relationships.

However, having money is no guarantee of stability. While money can provide security and opportunities, it's a much emptier asset than having a partner you love and trust. You know this; you almost answered your own question. It sounds like you weren't happy with how little your dad participated in your life, so it stands to reason that you would seek something different.

Your letter does raise a few questions, though. Do you have a job? Why aren't you factoring yourself into this hypothetical household? And have you discussed any of your long-term plans — and the associated price tags — with your boyfriend?

From my perspective, the issue is less "your boyfriend's lack of earning power," and more "your lack of respect for your boyfriend's career choices." I'm not saying you're necessarily wrong, but there are a million reasons he may be choosing to stay at a job that you think is a waste of his education or intelligence. If he's lazy or held back by inertia, that's one thing; if the job makes him genuinely happy, that's quite another.

Talk it out and see how you can move forward. But question your own priorities. Is material comfort really worth dismissing a good partner?

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