Miss Information

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It’s amazing how good sex will keep you in someone’s orbit, even when everything else is going wrong, isn’t it?

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Dear Miss Information,

I'm a 26-year-old woman living in the UK. I have had two recent relationships which have broken down within six weeks, and another who just left. The first ex left for another guy, my middle ex just stopped talking to me, and my most recent ex has still left things hanging in the air. I'm not sure if he's coming back. Our relationship had an intense dom/sub element.

He wanted something casual, but he's very inexperienced with women and seemed to only know how to do things in a more formal relationship. We had a lot of fun, but he was stressed out with everything going on in his life. He's just left a long term relationship three months ago, doesn't have anywhere to live, and is about to complete a Ph.D.

I went back to him once about a month ago, and he got sex. A week later, things started to fall apart: he started to brush me off, communication really died off, and he canceled a date. I called him out on it, and he  didn't say he wanted things to stop. I can't remember the conversation. It's possible I gave him the easy way out.  All I know is that I've not spoken to him for a week. I expect him to contact me if he wants to see me again.

Do I go with my gut and forget him and never contact him again? Or know that next week he might contact me? Or should I cave and call him?

It's all about this longing for him, for all this kinky shit to keep going.

—The Six-Week Curse

Dear The Six Week Curse:

It’s amazing how good sex will keep you in someone’s orbit, even when everything else is going wrong, isn’t it?

Your gut is telling you to require a bare minimum of effort on his part. Listen to that. It’s not unreasonable to expect someone to call you if they want to see you. Simple cause-and-effect. Case closed.

What I find more interesting is how his needs in this letter eclipse yours. He’s the one going through all sorts of dramatic life changes (with the implication, “…which excuses his flakiness.”) He’s the one who is inexperienced with women (with the implication, “…this is why he doesn’t know how to use a phone.”) When you hooked up, he’s the one who “got sex.” (What, were you not present for it?)

Even if you are a hard line submissive and he’s a hard line dominant (and you never specified that you were), you still need to have a basic level of mutual respect and understanding. A dom in the bedroom does not automatically have more important needs than his sub. And, judging from the tone of your letter, I can tell that staring at your phone while it doesn’t ring isn’t exactly getting you hot.

Trust your instincts and cut him loose. Hot, kinky guys aren’t exactly an endangered species. Find one who hits all the right buttons in bed, and knows how to dial a phone. You can have it all, Six-Week Curse. Shoot for the stars.