Advice

Miss Information

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He knew full well that extracurricular flirting wasn’t okay with you, and yet he did it anyway.

Have a question for Miss Information? Send it to missinfo@nerve.com. Submissions may be edited. 

Dear Miss Info,

I've been with my boyfriend for nearly seven months and we've had a few issues. I love him dearly and we get along really well. But after one month of our relationship, he started speaking to one of his previous relations about the time they had sexual contact. I confronted him and said I was uncomfortable and that they weren't to speak. He ignored this many times until he finally stopped.

One month later, he spoke to another female who had been sending him naughty photos before we got together. He complimented her dancing, saying how much he loved it. I once again approached him and he never spoke to her again. Each time he apologized and said "it won't happen again–I don't think.” Four months later, there is a new female on the scene. He will delete texts from her and delete his call log to ensure I don't find out. I said I felt uncomfortable and he ignored it and proceeded to go on. Later on I found out he went to her house when he had told me he went out with a mate. I asked him questions about what happened, and he assured me he didn't do anything and that he never would.

This has hijacked my mind for weeks on end. I told him I am struggling to believe him. So we went through what happened again, but this time the story was a slight bit different. He cheated on me, with her. He lied through his teeth. He had been calling her beautiful and other pet names for months before he went to her house. After me breaking down into hysterics of tears and a four-hour-long emotional talk, his excuse once again was "I'm sorry, I didn't think. It won't happen again." I don't know what to do. Being without him is not what I want, but for my emotional stability I find being with him could lead to long-term problems for myself. I have only ever been faithful, dedicated, and loyal to him since the beginning. What do I do? Please help me.

-Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire

Dear Liar, Liar:

From your letter your boyfriend has very little leg to stand on. He “didn’t think”? The ol’ “But baby, there was an earthquake and I accidentally took a Viagra instead of my Zyrtec and when the earth started shaking I fell on my totally platonic female friend penis-first!” (God, if I had a dollar…!) I am willing to bet there are more shades of gray here than your letter suggests, but his rationale doesn’t really matter: cheating is cheating.

He had ample warning. He knew full well that extracurricular flirting wasn’t okay with you, and yet he did it anyway. Then he actively deleted evidence and lied. These are big relationship cornerstones here, the kinds of things that can’t really be explained away with an “oopsie!”

Your boyfriend may be wonderful otherwise, but you shouldn’t stay in any situation that “hijacks your sanity.” Similarly, you shouldn’t be monitoring your partner’s comings and goings or poring over his call log. Your amateur sleuthing are signs that this relationship isn’t working. You already know sticking around may cause problems for you down the road. So what’s keeping you around? You’re only seven months in: cut your losses, circle your wagons, and find a guy who agrees with your definition of cheating.