Advice

Miss Information

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Don’t be the girl in the bushes with binoculars: this is precisely why the “block” function exists.

Dear Miss Information,

My ex-boyfriend's girlfriend posted something on Facebook about their anniversary and the fact that "Strangers in the Night" is their song. I would be overjoyed to see that they are happy together–after I broke up with him he spent several years in various states of drugged drunkenness with plenty of his spoken, emailed, snail mailed confessions of love and heartbreak to show for it. I can honestly say that I am both overjoyed and relieved that he has moved on.

The only problem is that "Strangers in the Night" was our song. It was played while we falling in love at first sight, in the night.

It is perhaps a tad narcissistic but I can't help but feeling bad for the new girlfriend that their song is our song. I know that her boyfriend, my ex, can't have forgotten about it, so it almost feels as if part of the whole is still about him missing and loving me. (He continues to tell me that he will always love me, that he can't help it) Am I crazy about the song thing? Should I just let it be, or is this kind of weird?

–Not a Stranger to "Strangers in the Night"

Dear Not a Stranger:

How involved are you still with your ex? You’re obviously close enough to keep tabs on him, whether intentionally or not. Don’t be the girl in the bushes with binoculars: this is precisely why the “block” function exists. Facebook can easily turn someone into a voyeur, and, with exes, knowing details can turn a voyeur into a nut.

Does the song mean he’s still in love with you? Maybe, or maybe not. But be clear: this is an obvious case of Not Your Problem. Maybe he is recycling the song. Maybe he’s making her dye her hair brown to match yours, maybe he’s making her replicate your outfits, maybe they’re working on legally changing her name to yours with an “i” instead of the “e.” Weird? Sad? Yes. But it doesn’t affect you. This is their (possibly dysfunctional) relationship, and you are relieved of any responsibility.

Even if you’re genuinely glad he moved on, I don’t blame you for a flash of jealousy. At its core, isn’t that what this feeling is? It’s a Trojan horse, an ego boost in pity’s clothing: “He’s still in love with me” does wonders for feeding one’s sense of being a special, elegant snowflake–something his current girlfriend (the poor wretch!) could never hope to be. This kind of competition happens to all of us, Not a Stranger, and it doesn’t make you crazy. It does mean you should apply some filters to your newsfeed, though. Let them have their relationship, however stable it may be, and focus on building your own soundtracks.