Miss Information

The smart, interesting woman I am seeing wants to try daddy dom/little girl play. Do I run for the hills?

by sarah jaffe

Dear Miss Information,

I recently met a smart, interesting woman online and I think there would be real attraction between us. The problem is that she's in an open relationship, and all her "vanilla" needs are being met by her long-term partner. As such, the only thing she's looking for is a bit outside my comfort zone. She's looking for a "daddy" for "daddy dom"/"little girl" play -- fully-immersive roleplay in which she would pretend to be my daughter and I would hand out punishment or pleasure as a stern but caring parental figure. This fetish extends as far as her wanting us to go out in public play-acting as father and daughter, only to make out in front of unsuspecting people. 

I'm not a guy for whom the phrase "in the right outfit I can easily pass for a 14 year old" is any kind of a turn-on, but I've historically had a lot of fun pushing my own boundaries to gratify other people's kinks. On the other hand, those were kinks that were indulged in the bedroom and left there, allowing us to continue interacting as adults otherwise. Do I lose GGG (Good, Giving, and Game) cred for just finding this to be a bit much?

—Daddy Dubious

Dear Daddy Dubious,

You definitely, definitely do not lose GGG points for wanting to take a step back and think about this fetish before you decide whether or not you want to move forward with this particular sexcapade. Daddy-dom play is a pretty extreme kink, and even this girl’s primary long-term romantic partner finds it a bit too rich for his blood. So the fact that you’re willing to even consider indulging the top-shelf kink of a woman you’ve only just met makes you very GGG indeed. Plus, you mention specifically that turning other people on tends to turn you on, no matter how you get there. Ten points to GGGryffindor! Well done, you. 

Daddy-dom culture can be a subgroup of larger BDSM culture that differs from a traditional dom/sub relationship in that daddy-doms will focus on, well, dad-type rules that are intended to enhance the “little’s” personal growth and well-being, rather than on the specific behavioral commands we tend to associate with dom/sub play. The daddy/little relationship is also generally more playful than a typical dom/sub relationship.** Usually, this kind of kink is more of a type of power play than a literal faux-incest kink, and the daddy/little community is very vocal about not fetishizing incest or pedophilia. So, you can breathe easily there.

I can see your reservations, Daddy-O, and I think you hit the nail on the head when you talked about how this differs from other kinks you’ve entertained in that this girl’s fetish has a very public aspect. The risk that bystanders might mistake you for a creep instead of a very caring sex partner participating in totally consensual adult fun might add a distinct element of ookiness for a lot of people. If this actively turns you off, then you might want to politely decline a rendezvous with Lil’ Miss Kink – she’s going outside of her primary relationship in order to find somebody who is as completely psyched about this particular corner of human sexuality as she is, and she deserves a “Daddy” who is pumped to play with her, not hesitantly humoring her. If that’s not you, don’t waste her time or yours on a kink that squicks you out. Sex of any stripe should be like extra dessert, not like being forced to eat your peas.

But, if you’re totally game to try anything once and you think this might be fun for you, there are a few things you should consider before you dive in to this very elaborate grown-up game of make-believe. Since Our Heroine’s fantasies revolve around publicly role-playing a literal daddy-daughter relationship with you, this goes a bit deeper than garden-variety daddy-dom play. If you’re going to go for it, you should talk everything out first – what she expects, and how far you’re both comfortable taking things. A lot of daddy/little play revolves around a long, ongoing relationship. Is this something she wants from you, and that you’re willing to explore? 

I’d suggest agreeing on a safe word before you engage in any roleplay – while everything sounds physically above-board, this kind of play might get into some murky psychological waters, and you want to have an out just in case shit gets too real for you. If you’re planning on fondling and tongue-kissing after giving her a fatherly scolding in an ice-cream shop, it’s also probably wise to make sure she’s got her driver’s license on her to prove she’s a grown-ass lady in case some alarmed good Samaritan decides to get involved. And please, for your friendly neighborhood advice columnist’s peace of mind, make sure she can produce said driver’s license or ID before you tuck her into your bed. Especially if she is noticeably young-looking. You’ll want a guarantee that what you’re willingly engaging in is indeed age-play, and not something darker. 

Think about it, talk about it, and do whatever you’re comfortable with. If indulging her kink revs your engines, have at it. And if this kink crosses a line for you, you’re under no obligation to go through with it. Whatever you decide, have fun, be safe, and wear a sweater, dear!

 

**Any readers who are part of this subculture should feel free to chime in or correct me in the comments here, since Miss Info’s knowledge of this part of the kinkosphere is purely theoretical. 

Image via Flickr.

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