Miss Information

I'm a bi woman and I can't find any dates with the ladies. Where are they all hiding?

BY SARAH JAFFE

Have a question for Miss Information? Send it to missinfo@nerve.com. Submissions may be edited.

Dear Miss Information,

Six months ago I moved to a medium sized liberal city and have had fun dating lots of dudes. I know I am bisexual and want to start dating ladies, but I don't really know how to meet girls. Most of my friends are men, gay and straight. I live on my own but I'm not in college so it's hard to meet people my age. I'm 18 so I can't meet people in bars either. I usually use OKCupid to get laid, but obviously there are way more guys on there than girls. I'm too scared to use a fake ID at the lesbian bar. How do I meet queer ladies? Or just make female friends in general?

—Help a Young Bi Girl Out 

Dear Young Bi Girl,

How does anyone ever meet anyone? We’re all just wandering around this big crazy world, forging our own tiny paths and it’s a miracle we ever bump into anyone else long enough to notice.  The truth is you meet people to date, be it lady or gent, gay or straight, or anywhere in the middle of these spectrums, the same way you meet anyone else.  Cute person on the bus reading a book you like? Say something! Super hot person dancing like crazy at your friend’s band’s show? Say something! If you want to cross paths with someone like you – in your case, a sexy queer lady you can have fun hanging out with – do the kinds of things you like best, and you’re bound to run into people with similar interests. Into art? Sign up for a pottery class or find a community center that offers open figure drawing. Natural performer? Try out for community theater (or run tech if you’re shy), join a chorus, or take a dance class or a cooking class. Join a recreational sports team or running club. Volunteer at the farmer’s market or a nonprofit you admire – bonus points if it’s an LGBT rights organization, where you’re bound to meet some cool queer people. And any activity that interests you might interest other people your age.  

If there’s a college in your city, even if you don’t attend it, they probably have public campus events like poetry or other readings, improv shows, and concerts where you can sit next to people your age and strike up a conversation. Even if you don’t necessarily meet a girl to date, odds are good you’ll make a new friend or two, and new friends usually open doors to whole groups of friends you might not have otherwise met, and some of these friends of friends might be people you’d like to date.  Your gay and straight male friends might be friends with other queer ladies, too – you never know! It’s also a safe bet that they’re friends with at least a few straight ladies if you’re just looking for some platonic girl time in your new town. Throw a party and have your friends bring a friend or two they think you might get along with. Ask your fun coworkers to go see a movie or get a coffee when you’re not at work. If that makes you nervous, tough shit. Moving to a new place requires you to be brave.

Now, as for getting laid and datin’ girls, why are you so quick to rule out the limitless rolodex that is the  internet? You’re a cool girl down to date girls, and you’re on OKCupid, right? I promise you’re not the only one. Just because there are more straight guys than queer girls online doesn’t mean there are no queer girls at all, so have a little patience and send out a few messages. If there are guys who want to get with you, there are girls who do, too. Don't make the mistake of writing them off because they're cruising for booty online -- remember, you're doing the exact same thing! 

Keep an open mind and be your most outgoing. You'll be fine. You'll be better than fine. Write back when you've met a girl and you have a really crazy problem!

Image via Flickr.

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