Advice

Miss Information

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Have a question? Email erin@nerve.com. Letters may be edited for length, content and clarity.

   
Dear Miss Information,
    I love getting blowjobs, and I recently realized I don’t care whether I get them from men or women. So lately I’ve been visiting the “casual encounters” section of a community website. Three times I’ve gone to strangers’ apartments to be sucked off by men whose names I’ll never know. I identify as straight, but I feel no guilt about doing this. Still, is this sort of behavior kosher? — Blow and Go



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Dear Blow and Go,
    Guy-on-guy is hot, and my ladybits throbbed when I watched Jake and Heath play horsey in Brokeback Mountain. But whether what you’re doing is culturally au courant isn’t the issue.
    Your behavior is risky, and you know that. Ideally, you’d cut it out and find a more controlled way to satisfy your craving — perhaps some stranger-meets-stranger role playing with a steady partner you can identify by name. I know it’s not as good as the real thing, but if shooting hoops was as good as shooting heroin, Sid Vicious would be alive and playing for the Lakers.
    If you’re loath to stop, at least use protection. Just because it’s oral and just because you’re on the receiving end doesn’t mean you’re in the clear. Tons of STDs can be transmitted through oral sex without the aid of a visible, oozing sore. Next time you venture out on one of these trysts, bring some flavored condoms in case Mr. Doe has a finicky palate.



Dear Miss Information,
    I’m in some sort of relationship with a woman who’s in the midst of a divorce and child-custody battle. Though we often used to fool around, the relationship became platonic and has been for the past seven months. We’re still the bedrocks of each other’s lives, but she says she can’t resume a sexual relationship until the current chaos in her life has blown over. Will our relationship lose its sexual dimension before we have a chance to pick up where we left off? — Separation Anxiety


Dear Separation Anxiety,
    It’s possible you could weather this platonic phase, but I don’t think it’s the best use of your time and emotional energy. You’ve waited for more than half a year for her to come around, and she’s still not there. She sounds like a great person, but under duress, great people often do selfish things. Is it possible she’s using you as a crutch until she finds someone she likes better?
    Go ahead and continue the friendship, but back-burner the sex and try dating someone new. You don’t have to run out and find a serious girlfriend, but a nice woman with whom you could have a few non-alimony-related conversations might be nice. Who knows? The mystery and intrigue this distance creates might help turn this platonic friendship into something real — provided you don’t puss out and run back to Ms. DivorcĂ©e the moment she gets jealous.

 

Dear Miss Information,
    I’m a queer girl who lost her virginity to her first girlfriend at twenty-six. After three years, this girl and I broke up, partly because she thought I wasn’t stellar in bed. At one point, she even encouraged my best friend to give me some sex tips. This has made me insecure about my abilities, and I’ve been afraid to sleep with anyone else since. How does a twenty-nine year old work on her technique? How can I even tell if I need to work on it? — Anxious Under Pressure

Dear Anxious Under Pressure,
    I’m guessing her age is what the thong hawkers at Abercrombie & Fitch refer to as “tween.” What else could explain her horrendously immature method for delivering her sexual critique?
    Don’t let her make you feel insecure. Different people like different things, and once you get a broader array of experiences under that pink studded belt, you’ll see what I mean. You may even come to realize that your ex, and not you, is the one who’s truly awful in bed.
    In the meantime, read sex manuals and magazines. Try different techniques. Ask questions. And don’t accept “everything feels good” for an answer when you ask your partner what she likes. You’re still young enough to make lots of mistakes.
 

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©2006 Erin Bradley and Nerve.com