Want to meet Miss Information? She'll appear at Galapagos Art Space in Brooklyn as part of a dating show on Wednesday, February 8th. Visit www.loveahoy.com for details. Have a question? Email erin@nerve.com. Letters may be edited for length, content and clarity.
Dear Miss Information,
I'm a woman who hasn't told the guy I'm dating that I have genital herpes. We've had sex twice. We used protection both times, and I take medication that reduces the risk of transmission, but I'm wracked with guilt. He's very wary of diseases. I also know he'll never speak to me again if he thinks I've betrayed him. What should I do? — Future Runaway |
Dear Future Runaway,
I'll tell you what you already know: you have no choice but to tell this boy what's up. Even though you're taking meds and using condoms, no method is 100% effective (thanks, asymptomatic shedding!). Not telling him right away is deplorable. Whether he wants to take the risk is for him to decide, not you.
Now, I'm not going to slap a scarlet letter on your chest and call you a lying whore. Telling a partner about an STD is one of the greatest challenges a dater confronts, and your boyfriend doesn't sound like the most sympathetic audience. Frankly, it's hard to understand why you're with someone so unforgiving. Maybe you think don't you deserve better because you've got herpes. You do.
The American Social Health Association has been offering free, comprehensive information on STDs since your grandparents were young (before sex was invented). Check it out at www.ashastd.org. |
Dear Miss Information,
I'm a guy with an insatiable foot fetish. I find myself constantly staring at women's exposed feet in public. I also masturbate to foot-fetish porn. Since this fetish seems common among men, I'm wondering what women think of it. Most women I've encountered seem to find the idea ridiculous or gross. Then again, they seem to put a lot of effort into pedicures. — Foot Freak |
Dear Foot Freak,
Some women get pedicures because they want to flaunt their feet in fashionable strappy contraptions. Others do it because they find the naked foot so revolting that only toenail polish and pumice stones allow them to leave the house in open-toe shoes.
Unfortunately, it's difficult to know who's who, and you need to keep this in mind when foot-gazing. There's nothing wrong with looking, but making assumptions about sexual proclivities based on how people groom themselves is usually a great way to fail spectacularly in bed.
I blame niche porn for much of this. It creates false expectations of a world where everyone is a nipple-clamping piss-enthusiast just waiting to meet someone who's into the same thing they are. Don't confuse fantasy with reality. Introduce your fetish gradually and tactfully (i.e., not drunk with a mixed group at karaoke), and you're sure to find plenty of ladies who never even knew they wanted their tootsies worshipped.
Dear Miss Information,
My boyfriend and I have an incredible sexual relationship, except that he often can't come inside me. It seems the only way he can climax is by jacking off after we've been intimate. Is this normal? He still wants to have sex at least several times a week, so I don't think he's simply lost interest. I just want to make sure I'm adequately pleasing him. — Jill Loves Jack
|
Dear Jill Loves Jack,
I once dated a guy like this. He could bone for hours without ever finishing, but unlike your boyfriend, he was too shy to jerk off in front of me. Our relationship came to a similarly unclimactic end.
Luckily, your guy sounds more open minded. The fact that he's comfortable masturbating in your presence is a good sign. As for coming inside you, it's probably just a matter of hitting a few more of his orgasms triggers: the right positions, words, speed, etc. It's also possible that his penis is accustomed to higher octane abuse and your vagina doesn't have the horsepower. Some men can "train" their penis to respond to lighter stimuli; others can't.
This is assuming, of course, that you both agree he needs to be retrained. If you're happy (and it appears you are), then who gives a rat's ass how he finishes? Don't worry about whether it's normal. There's no entry for that word in the dictionary of sex. That page was ripped out long ago and used by some guy to wipe monkey semen off his rubber thong. You're doing just fine. n°
©2006 Erin Bradley and Nerve.com
|
Commentarium (14 Comments)
For the herpes girl, aren't there dating sites where you can meet other people with herpes? Maybe she should try one after her current man flips out for lying to him and dumps her ass.
Your quote (There's no entry for that word in the dictionary of sex. That page was ripped out long ago and used by some guy to wipe monkey semen off his rubber thong) about normal sex is so poignant it should be published on the front page of the NY Times. Thanks for the laugh.
"Jill Loves Jack" reminds me of something I once read about troops going off to war for extended periods of time, and then finally coming home and finding they couldn't ejaculate anymore except through masturbation. Alas, I can't remember the reference, or what they did to "fix" it. Maybe some Kegel exercises would help.
I had this situation for a few months with my current girlfriend, which I eventually traced to getting comfortable with her birth control and our timing. Plus, I had long ago learned to keep from ejaculating, so I think it was my subconscious saying it needed more time to become comfortable. To be sure, neither of us were complaining, and we were able to talk about it early, so she knew I still enjoyed it. Totally agree the sharing is more important than the location of the sharing...
u3FX4H Yeah ... life is like riding a bicycle. You will not fall unless you stop pedaling...
Yeah, it is clear now ... Just can not figure out how often do you update your blog???
I decided to help and sent a post to the social bookmarks. I hope to raise it in popularity....
Can be also this issue because the truth can be achieved only in a dispute :)))
Develop the topic further! It is interesting to know more details!!!
Develop the topic further! It is interesting to know more details!!!
Internet is written with the capital letter in a sentence, by the way. And hundredths are written not with a point but with a comma. This is according to the standard. And actually everything is very good!!!
Yet, much is unclear. Could you describe in more details...
Yet, much is unclear. Could you describe in more details...
I enjoyed this, great stuff! Stop by and say hi sometime hotels in windermere
Now you say something