Miss Information

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Have a question? Email Letters may be edited for length, content and clarity.

Dear Miss Information,
    I just had a second date with a guy I met online. After some energetic fucking, he tried to put his cock in my ass without so much as asking. I told him I wasn’t prepared, so he stopped. Then he shot his wad all over me. He even got some on my face. Am I wrong, or is this exceptionally poor sexual etiquette? — Peace, Love & Understanding


Dear Peace, Love & Understanding,
    Damn, you hippies are forgiving. Yes, this is exceptionally poor sexual etiquette. A gentleman always asks for permission before knocking on the back door. He doesn’t launch a sneak attack or fake-miss your vagina.
    The same goes for his philistine grand finale. Sex acts outside the realm of the everyday shouldn’t be imposed on anyone without prior endorsement by the receiving partner. I realize “everyday” is subjective and varies from couple to couple. A good maxim is “when it doubt, leave it out.”
    If you’re planning to have sex with this guy again (which I personally wouldn’t advise, but you’re a big girl), you need to set down some ground rules about what’s permissible before you get frisky again. “Don’t come all over my face without asking, please” could be a good place to start. Beyond that, I leave it up to you and Mr. Casanova.

Dear Miss Information,
    My boyfriend and I had agreed to be monogamous. Recently, however, he slept with his ex, who had come to him for comfort after being raped. He told me wants to continue sleeping with me, despite this. I know I should end it, and I’ve tried several times, but I can’t seem to do it. I’m slowly going crazy. What can I do? — Betrayed and Stuck

Dear Betrayed and Stuck,
    You can get a backbone. Any guy that fucks you and someone else on the side (in this case, a rape victim) after he’s agreed to a monogamous relationship should be ripped a new one and sent on his way.
    The wounded-bird syndrome is an oldie but goodie when it comes to dater pathology. The primary symptom is an ongoing compulsion to engage people more fucked up than yourself. Sadly, there’s no cure. Eventually, your boyfriend will become immune to his ex’s charms and move on to the next damsel in distress. This particular illness is progressive, and there is no cure you can help him with.
    Get rid of this guy now, and you’ll be available for the next truly monogamous character that surfaces. Stick around, and you’ll wind up so emotionally damaged, you’ll be ripe for the picking by this jerk’s identical twin.

Dear Miss Information,
    I’ve been out on several dates with a girl whose birthday is next week. What can I get her that shows I’m caring and thoughtful, but won’t scare her off or suggest I’m angling for marriage? — Birthday Boy

Dear Birthday Boy,
    I feel your pain. Gift-giving is a minefield strewn with shiny ribbon, abandoned miniature Zen rock gardens and broken relationships.
    At the three-to-four dates mark, the idea is to acknowledge the occasion without blowing it out of proportion — or spending so much money that you have to apply for a home-equity loan. A few general guidelines: steer clear of sending flowers to her workplace; some people don’t want their personal life known at the office. A homemade meal (or dinner at a restaurant, if you’re a lousy cook), a mix CD of her favorite music, a romantic DVD for you to watch together and some top-shelf candy are all thoughtful, reasonable gifts. Readers, what else would you suggest? Leave your gift-giving tips in Feedback and help a boy out.  

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