Advice

Miss Information

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Have a question? Email erin@nerve.com. Letters may be edited for length, content and clarity.

   
Dear Miss Information,
    I’m an out gay man in my mid-twenties. I recently had a brief fling with a closeted guy. After it ended, I kept my promise not to tell anyone, but he quickly began calling me a fag to anyone who would listen. I’m tempted to expose him, but a part of me thinks that would be immature and only push him further into the closet. Still, I can’t have him talking trash about me. What should I do? — Double-Crossed



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Dear Double-Crossed,
    I’m sorry this guy is acting like such a stereotypical closet-case douche. He’s obviously acting out of fear. And while outing him is a tempting short-term solution, responding to his shitty behavior with that method is only going to escalate the drama.
    Taking the high road doesn’t have to mean playing the punching bag. Approach him privately and say some approximation of the following: “I haven’t talked to our friends about our fling and I don’t plan on doing so. If you continue to berate me, however, I’ll be forced to say something to defend myself. I don’t want to have to do that.”
    If he continues to publicly malign you, you can defend your rep to your peers and friends. If it comes to that, try to say as little as possible. Anger and revenge are huge time-sucks. Do your best not to get pulled in.



Dear Miss Information,
    You once advised middle-aged men to avoid shirtless photos in their online personals. I agree. Nobody wants to see a flabby bald guy posing by his car. But if a guy is in extremely good shape, is it still a bad idea? I’m aging gracefully and I have a few shirtless photos in my profile (see attached). The responses I’ve had, while not great in number, have generally been favorable. Should I leave them in? — Photo Finish


Dear Photo Finish,
    First of all, your photos look great. However, you might want to lose the two enormous trout you’re hoisting. As good as your pecs look, many women find fishing revolting. Just a thought.
    On the question of whether to include a bare-chested photo at all, I still advise against it. Shirtless photos scream “prowling for meaningless sex,” which is fine if that’s what you’re looking for. If not, your exposed abs and nipples may be attracting the wrong women. Stick with a nicely lit headshot or two and reserve the sexier pics for specific requests once you’ve established contact with someone.
    If you still want to feature your impressive physique, you can tastefully describe it in your profile. “I’m in excellent shape” is an appropriate description. “I can crack walnuts with my buttcheeks” probably is not. But the great thing about online personals is that you can experiment. Modify your profile every once in a while and keep track of how it affects your response rate.

Dear Miss Information,
    My girlfriend has an odd problem. After we have sex, her feet become sore. The soreness lasts into the following day. This only happens if she had an orgasm, and it seems to be worse after the sessions where she’s on top. I give her foot rubs, and that seem to help a little. Any suggestions for how we can further alleviate her pain? — Sole Trouble

Dear Sole Trouble,
    The members of Nazareth weren’t blowing smoke when they said love hurts. Sex is all about contorting one’s body into strange positions we don’t normally achieve on the couch or in our cubicles. Sex-related injuries aren’t unusual or shameful. They are, however, hilarious.
    These particular symptoms are bizarre, but easily explainable by someone well-versed in matters of the foot. I’m no podiatrist, but it sounds like a circulation issue to me. Keep a log of when and where the pain is occurring. Note factors like location of the sex act (featherbed or living room floor?) and that day’s choice of footwear (Jesus sandal, tennis shoe or stiletto?). Then take that information to a doctor.  


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©2006 Erin Bradley and Nerve.com