Advice

Miss Information

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Have a question? Email erin@nerve.com. Letters may be edited for length, content and clarity.

   
Dear Miss Information,
    Is it normal for a woman to fantasize about her husband fucking another woman? The idea turns me on, but my husband of two years doesn’t want to try it because he sowed his wild oats back in his twenties. He’s also afraid it might ruin our marriage. What should we do? — Curious One



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Dear Curious One,
    Yes, it’s normal. It’s a voyeur-plus-forbidden-fruit fantasy rolled into one. Hell, I’ve fantasized about it and I’ve never even walked down the aisle. Think about that next time you’re feeling abnormal.
    No offense, but your husband sounds kind of dull. Anyone who regards adventurous sex as something to be left behind in one’s twenties is in for a rude awakening when the reality of fucking the same person day-in and day-out for the next forty years sinks in. I’m not saying he has to cater to your every sexual desire, but he should be more open to experimentation. You guys are in your second year of marriage. This is prime time.
    Hubby does have a point about the danger of fouling up your marriage, though. Try some lower levels of voyeuristic activity, like watching him dance dirty with another woman at a party. If that doesn’t satisfy your yen, see if he’ll at least give some thought to making your fantasy happen. Talk about the pros and cons, your past histories and what effect it might have on your relationship. There’s still no guarantee it won’t mess things up, but at least you won’t jumped into it blind.



Dear Miss Information,
    My otherwise outgoing girlfriend is dead quiet in bed. She’s asked me to teach her how to talk dirty, but I don’t know what to tell her. To me, it’s a spontaneous thing. Any advice? — Teacher Man


Dear Teacher Man,
    Anyone with a sex drive can be a master dirty talker. When you break it down, talking dirty is just taking an everyday event and putting it into words. Your girl can handle that, right? Yes, she can. Here’s an example:
    BEFORE: I cleaned out the fridge today.
    AFTER: I grabbed the refrigerator door by its long, firm handle, threw it open and pushed the bananas and melons aside as I bent over to scrub the bottom shelf.
    Other tips:
    1) Build up to it. Read dirty books or stories aloud to each other (it’s okay if you giggle, some of that Fabio shit is ridiculous). Watch porn together and share whatever turns of phrase you find hottest.
    2) Try to sound like R. Kelly taking a Dale Carnegie course in public speaking. Tell your partner what you’re going to do to them, then tell them what you’re doing to them right now, then tell them what you just did.
    3) The bedroom is no place for stringent sentence structure and perfect grammar. Sentence fragments are a lot hotter than run-on sentences and repetition will get you everywhere.
    4) Talk in advance about an agreed-upon sexual vocabulary. Not everyone finds the same stuff hot. The phrase “mighty pole” might sound sexy to one set of ears but cringe-inducing to another.

Dear Miss Information,
    I’ve met several guys online for no-strings-attached sex. Every time I do this, it winds up being no more than one or two encounters before the guy cuts me off. The sex is great and I know I’m not ugly. I can’t believe a guy wouldn’t want to make this a regular, periodic arrangement. Is the fact that I don’t like to play games a turnoff? — Wonderlust

Dear Wonderlust,
    You might not believe it, but not all men are into casual sex, especially with a stranger they met online. Others fuck and run because they think it’s safer and less complicated than forming an ongoing relationship.
    This may sound dumb, but look at it this way: Just because you’ve done the in-and-out doesn’t mean you’re not a stranger. Granted, you’re a different kind of stranger. Calling him to arrange a sexual encounter isn’t the same as his being the guy who hangs out on the corner wearing a tattered bed sheet like a cape and shouting at passers-by, but you’re not exactly an intimate partner either.
    Your “I don’t play games” line sends up a red flag. I’ve heard that over the years from friends who are usually dating too aggressively. Ease up a bit, Wonderlust. Stop returning phone calls and emails so fast. Build a little drama.
    Here’s another thing you can do: Change your ad. The wording should say something like “looking for a fuck friend” or “searching for long-term sex-only relationship.” In the world of no-strings online sex, that kind of stability can be a big draw.  


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©2006 Erin Bradley and Nerve.com