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March 14, 2007
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Have a question? Email erin@nerve.com. Letters may be edited for length, content and clarity.
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There's another guy I've known for eight years, ostensibly as a friend. We've continuously had amazing chemistry but horrendous timing. We have a long history of never being single at the same time, of reaching out to the other person right when they are starting a new relationship. Since day one I have thought of him as my soulmate.
Is it wrong to dump my current boyfriend just because I may want to try something with Soulmate? Soulmate got a new girlfriend recently and I'm panicking that I will lose him forever. I fear that I'll regret it all my life if I don't do something now, but I don't want to ruin his happiness or put him in an awkward position. Should I break up with my current boyfriend first? Is it possible to truly love two people at the same time, or am I just fooling myself? — Paralyzed by Indecision
Dear Paralyzed by Indecision, 1) Your relationship is headed south. Disparate visions of the future is a big issue. It's not who stepped over the cat puke without cleaning it up. Okay, now the unknown: Spill it to Soulmate if you're willing to play the odds and risk losing his friendship. Do it however it works for you, but first end it with your boyfriend. He'll be deeply hurt if he finds out he was your second choice. |
| Dear Miss Information, My girlfriend and I fucked so much yesterday my dick hurts. Mainly the shaft but also the head. Advice? — Inner Outer |
Dear Inner Outer,
Sexually frustrated readers, say it all together now: "POOR FUCKING YOU." Just kidding, Inner Outer. We feel your pain. Well, those of us with dicks, anyway. The rest of us are busy icing down our vaginas after all that fornicating. A sore cock can have a number of causes: insufficient lubrication (either natural or artificially provided), overly aggressive sex or sex in a new position, razor stubble (yours or hers), or an ill-fitting or allergenic condom. What you need to do now is abstain from sex for a little while — a week should probably do it. No masturbation either during this time (I'm a mean, horrible lady, I know). Wash your penis with a mild soap and doctor up any small cuts or abrasions with a zinc-oxide ointment or a hydrocortisone cream. If you're sensitive to lotions and products, you might want to test a small area first before dumping out the entire tube on your johnson.
This sounds like a one-time deal, but if your dick gets the ouchies often you may want to get yourself tested. Your fellow fuck monkey too. A sore penis can be the sign of some STDs. Then again, it could be any one of the forty-seven possible causes of penis pain outlined here. Penis paranoiacs and hypochondriacs, worry away!
Dear Miss Information,
At the age of eighteen, I'm confident in my status as lesbian. I've been accepted to a women's college and am looking forward to some girl-on-girl action this fall. But a part of me remains hetero-curious. A few months ago, I messed around with a guy friend of mine who lives in another town. I'd like to get together and have sex the next time I see him. While I'd be up front about his role as a fuck buddy and practice safe sex, I don't want to tell him about my true orientation. Am I taking advantage of him in this circumstance? Am I compromising my sexuality? Is this a good idea? — One Night on the Other Side
In the coming year you're going to have lots of revelations about your sexuality, none of which are necessarily a fuck buddy's business. Sure, if this is someone you're going to be with for the rest of your life, you might want to tell them about your gay past, but it's not. It's a boy you screwed around with who lives two towns over.
You're fulfilling your end of the bargain by telling the guy your emotional expectations (i.e., that you have none) and protecting him from the pregnancy menace and sexually transmitted disease. Telling him you're a lesbian wouldn't be the worst idea, but I wouldn't be too shocked if he starts getting all up in your grill asking for threesomes, making dorky jokes about converting you or just being generally annoying.
I don't think this is compromising your sexuality, unless you judge sexuality by uniformity of experience. If so, then the trophy goes to Clarissa and Henry of West Peabody, Massachusetts, a WASP couple who fuck in the missionary position for precisely seven minutes every Tuesday night. If you're really unsure, you might want to put it off for a while. Maybe see how you feel after your first semester. The first semester of college is a crazy time, and your lesbo playground might give you a different perspective. Despite their reputation, most sister schools won't kick you out if you experience a little dick after you enroll. n°
| Previous Miss Info |
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©2007 Erin Bradley and Nerve.com
Commentarium (8 Comments)
I read your column every week, and enjoy it almost every week. However, I think it's horribly irresponsible of you to be telling Inner Outer, the one with the sore dick, to be putting hydrocortisone cream on his cuts and scrapes, or worse yet, on an STD-ridden dick. Hydrocortisone is a steroid, suppresses immune reactions and should only be used on dermatitis-related skin reactions, and can darken the skin of an otherwise typically normal-appearing schlong. God forbid that his cuts and scrapes are from herpes simplex -- his dick will go berserk, and not in a good way. Just tell him to keep it clean with mild soap and dab around the bad parts with some Neosporin. And yes, he should refrain from all things nookie until he heals. I've been dispensing medical advice for a living for a while now -- and while there's a lot of stuff I still don't know, I know you better tell Inner Outer to back off on the HC.
okay, first, i love the transition between the first question and the second. that's just funny on its own. as for the boyfriend-soulmate dilemma, the question that she should be asking herself is why is she with someone like the boyfriend and not like the soulmate. there's probably a reason....it's no accident. i don't buy the bad timing line. never have.
Yikes, that HC business sounds scary. I was kinda wondering how Miss Info's first message to the guy wasn't to see a doctor, STAT. Or head to a free clinic.
I do like these columns. They're fine. But I do miss Em and Lo sometimes.
ONe Night on the other side...
Well, hell yeah she is using him. Or as she put it, "taking advantage of him in this situation."
Hell yeah, she needs to be direct and to the point, tell him what she is doing, don't string the guy along. I mean she states she is definite about herself being a lesbian, but she is having bisexual tendancies? This is something along the lines of "a little bit pregnant". You either are or you are not! You are either confirmed homosexual, confirmed bisexual, or confirmed heterosexual.
What is she really looking for? A sexual encounter to prove to herself that she is truly gay? Have a man to use one time to prove to herself that this is not what she wants? I'm tellin ya, she sounds an awful lot like a libra! She just can't seem to make up her mind here. She says one thing, but then totally changes her mind.
Also, she must consider what this guy might think after the deed is done! He might be smiling and thinkin he just scored, but what is he going to think in a day or so? She says it is a friend, however, has she told him that this is only a one time sex thing, and will never happen again?
HONEST, OPEN COMMUNICATION! Maybe if everyone practiced it, there would be a lot less strife. Tell the truth, tell it up front, and then go from there.
Aslo, its not like he is going to get hurt by doing the act, he is probably going to be happy to get laid, but then again, feelings get hurt and friendships get ruined with sex. Tell her to think about that!
What's up BH -
Thanks for the info. I was giving the advice based on the assumption that the reader was having protected sex in a monogamous relationship and wasn't experiencing any other STD-related symptoms (I know it doesn't say that in the letter but we edit here - sometimes a little, sometimes a lot).
What I've researched has told me that hydrocortisone is safe to use on superficial dick injuries of the type Inner Outer was describing.
I totally agree with what you're saying about the STD stuff and it probably would have been smarter if I suggested he get checked out first before following my recs or doing his own diagnosis.
So yes, I was bad. I will follow up with Inner Outer personally and feel free to spank me at your discretion.
xoxox
Miss Info
p.s. I've been looking for a sexy resident MD to provide input on these types of questions. If you're interested, BH (or anyone else) email me. Your reward is 15 minutes of fame and a plug for your practice/blog/Bob Seger cover band in an upcoming column.
I think Miss Other Side shouldn't feel the need to pigeon-hole herself into any particular category of sexual orientation. She should be allowed to be attracted to and have sex with anyone who is willing. She likes what she likes. That should be good enough.
Erin, in your advise to 'inner outer' about his sore dick you suggested he used zync oxide and cortizone ointment. i've used neosporin on my lil chap when i'm roughed up from too much hard um, loving and it works like a charm. i've passed the advice on to some of my special ladies involved it the indulgent loving making and they say it works a scream on them too. keep your p and v healthy and happy!
What advice columnist in her right mind would tell you you're "compromising your sexuality" by doing something that you want to do?
Now you say something