Advice

Miss Information: Help! Suddenly my boyfriend’s the most annoying man in the world.

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miss-information

Dear Miss Information,

Hope u r well! I am so happy to have found your site! I have a female friend who I have opened up to about all my fetishes. She knows that I am submissive and a cross dresser. She got married one and one half years ago. She is now comfortable enough to make me her cuckold and require me to wear a chastity belt. I’d like to ask for advice and what steps I should take now. — C.T. [Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T.]

Dear C.T.,

I r well! Thank u 4 asking! I love that you typed this out on your mobile device. The next time I see a person texting on the subway I’m going to look upon them with additional gravitas. They’re not just making dinner plans or trading LOLcat pictures. They’re proactive perverts solving life’s problems.

While we’re on the subject of problems, remind me again — what’s yours? You get off on cross-dressing and being submissive and you have a friend who’s willing to indulge you. The only problem I see is with your terminology. A guy who sleeps with a married woman is not a cuckold — he’s a bull. A cuckold is a married guy who gets off on seeing his wife with someone else. It sounds like you’re more of submissive who’s into cross-dressing and orgasm denial. I’m not one of those people who’s into labels, nor am I particularly excited at the prospect of being corrected by a hundred commenters with varying ideas of what constitutes the above, so I’ll stop before this gets too nerdy and grad-school.

If you’re writing in just to write in, CT, or because talking about it makes you horny — much like Dan’s Savage’s first letter this week — then hooray for you, though keep in mind there’s a big internet out there. I can think of a zillion sites that are better suited to this kind of discussion. Heck, you don’t even have to leave home.

On the off chance you’re looking for actual advice, I’d say to treat your female friend and her husband with kindness and respect. Willing partners who are into the same kind of kink as you are a rare commodity. Also, be careful with the chastity belt. Buy quality products, take good care of them, and follow all the instructions. Spare donor penises are also a rare commodity.

Readers, do any of you have any tips CT can take in while he’s waiting in the drive-thru lane at Sonic?

Dear Miss Information,

I’m currently in a relationship with this guy. It’s been six months and we have a pretty good rapport. However, for the past two months we haven’t been connecting. We haven’t been having sex because I haven’t been in the mood. For some reason, everything he does seems to annoy me. Why is this suddenly happening? — I Want Him But I Don’t

Dear I Want Him But I Don’t,

It’s all right to get annoyed. People are annoying, often the people we love most — boyfriends, girlfriends, best friends, family. Why is it that we cheerfully endure the quirks of strangers but verbally berate our own mother for making that phlegmy clicking noise when she breathes? Why can’t we be more patient? More stoic? More in control of ourselves and our reactions?

Answers vary. Sometimes it’s because we have a genuine beef with the person in question. It could be over a specific incident or something unnamable that’s been simmering for years. A lot of times we’re not even conscious of it. We legitimately believe that the food scraps in the sink or the Lady GaGa ringtone is the one and only reason our blood is boiling. If only they would stop doing ________, everything would be perfect. Except that when they stop doing __________, something new crops up to take its place, like Disney Channel tween stars.

Sometimes it’s our lives that are annoying, and we take it out on other people. We don’t like our jobs. We don’t like where we live. We don’t like that the only restaurant choices are Chain #1 and Chain #2, and the last time we exercised our intellect it was to put together a DESPÄIR shelf set from IKEA.

Still other times it’s about how we feel: tired, bored, sad, lonely, or misunderstood. Instead of taking a class or joining a gym or finding a shrink, we look for flaws in other people. It’s a guaranteed win-win: we don’t have to do any self-improvement work and there’s always going to be something to pick on about our coworkers or the guy at the coffee shop who sucks ass at making your favorite drink.

Trying to get to the root of why you’re annoyed is the first step. It could be one of these, it could be all three. Figuring it out may require some navel-gazing, journaling, discussions with your boyfriend and close friends, and/or self-help books.

In the meantime, try to find little ways to bring sexytime back into the relationship. Not up for full-on sex? How about a little bit of making out and fondling? How about massages, flirty texts, showering together, or five-minute quickies? A person who wants to get back into running doesn’t sign up for a marathon, first-thing. They start by jogging around the block. Set the bar super-low and you’ll be more apt to take those first steps towards reconnecting. Seeing a doctor might also be a good idea. If you’re on meds, certain ones can cause irritation and mood fluctuations as well as a low libido.

Readers, how have you gotten over a slump? Do you think a slump occurring so early in I Want Him’s relationship is a cause for worry?

Have a question? Email erin@nerve.com. Letters may be edited for length, content and clarity.