She thinks a child will force me to commit.
Each week, the inbox of our venerable advice columnist, Miss Information, is flooded with queries. And although she makes a valiant effort, she cannot answer them all. To deal with the surplus, we've decided to turn to you. So, don your spectacles and help this gentleman out. You can give him advice in the comments below, or, if you'd like to share what you wrote with your friends, on our Facebook page.
My girlfriend and I have been together for a while, and lately, she's been hinting at marriage. I've talked to her and told her that I don't want to get married yet, and if that's a dealbreaker, then she should treat it as such: I've seen the uglier sides of marriage and I know that I'm not in a place for that, and she seems to accept this.
We've been exclusive for long enough at this point that we don't use condoms, and Plan B has been okay for the occasional mishap. But recently, my girlfriend has been acting odd about birth control — she's missed appointments at different gynos, and she's been talking about friends of hers that have had children and how much it's changed their lives for the better. Also, The two or three times we've previously needed Plan B, we went and got it together, but the most recent time, she decided she wanted to go for herself, and I'm not sure she went at all. (I'm speculating, but I feel as though I didn't notice the same side-effects from the other times.) She's also been occasionally insisting that we use condoms, which is just bizarre, since we haven't for a year or two. I'm afraid she may be tampering with them, and I've avoided finishing while using them, but her specious reasoning ("It'll feel different") has been giving me pause. (Though I've given her the benefit of the doubt and haven't done the "fill-them-up-with-water" trick to double-check.)
I don't want to make her out to be some kind of baby-crazy woman begging for a ring, and she's smart enough to know that having a child isn't a decision lightly arrived at. But could she actually think that this could be the push over the edge I need to propose? I can't stress enough that our relationship is open and we don't have any trouble talking about issues, but am I fabricating all this? Are these various events just a stream of coincidences? Or should I sit her down and tell her I know what she's up to?
— Expecting the Unexpected
Getting lonely up there on your high horse? Try Nerve Dating — giving advice is more fun in pairs!