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Please Advise: I'm only interested until he likes me back. How do I stop moving on?
A Nerve reader tries to break her love 'em and leave 'em ways.
Each week, the inbox of our venerable advice columnist, Miss Information, is flooded with queries. And although she makes a valiant effort, she cannot answer them all. To deal with the surplus, we've decided to turn to you. So, don your spectacles and help this girl out. You can give her advice in the comments below, or, if you'd like to share what you wrote with your friends, on our Facebook page.
A couple of months ago, I made the really drastic decision to move to another country to finish my degree in nursing. Right off the bat, I clicked with this one guy and we became close. From the beginning, I told him I didn't want a boyfriend while I was abroad (even though I'll be here for four years). Relationships are just too hard for me, because I seem to only have a two-month attention span when it comes to guys.
Here's how my formula usually goes: I meet a guy, we get along, we date, I fall pretty hard and "swear I've never felt like this before," and everything's perfect. Then suddenly, as though someone flipped a switch, I'm no longer interested. I get irritated, I pick stupid fights, I begin to act distant, guy gets confused, we break things off. I pretend it never happened, while the guy is still trying to figure out what the fuck happened.
It's a sad, pathetic cycle, I know. So, the second I started getting feelings for this new guy, I told him it would be best if we didn't date. We continued to hang out, but eventually fell into boyfriend/girlfriend roles, texting/calling constantly, being each other's dates to various functions, sneaking around and hooking up, though we would tell each other and everyone else we know that we were "just friends."
We began running into problems when a friend of his expressed interest in me. I was stupid enough to consider it, my logic being that I'd rather going through my "cycle" with some random hot guy than keep going with my friend and ruin everything. But before anything happened, I realized I would hurt my friend, and did nothing.
But, everything changed anyway. Though we still hook up, he's distanced himself. He goes out of his way to flirt with other girls in front of me, doesn't ever text or call me anymore, ignores me when we're around other people until I approach him (and if I don't, he ignores me the entire time), and generally just tries to act aloof when we're together. I called him out on it the other day and he response was that he still felt the same about me, but he knows his two-month time limit is almost up.
Perversely, since he's pulled away, I've found myself interested in him all over again. We're passing the two-month mark, and I still want to date him. I know it's because he's pulled away that I'm interested, and I know that's stupid, but I can't help myself.
Should I keep after him and try to make it work? Or just find another fling? I should add that we're in the same nursing program, so I'll see him every day for the next four years, no matter what. If the advice is to cut my losses, how do I move on when I see him every day?
— Benefits Gone Awry
Help her out! If you've got questions of your own, email them to firstname.lastname@example.org.