Advice

Please Advise: My Boyfriend Can’t Get It Up

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Nerve readers answer our most pressing sex and dating questions.

Wise readers, 

Each week, the inbox of our venerable advice columnist, Miss Information, is flooded with queries. And although she makes a valiant effort, she cannot answer them all. To deal with the surplus, we've decided to turn to you. So, don your spectacles and help this woman out. You can give him advice in the comments below, or, if you'd like to share what you wrote with your friends, on our Facebook page. 

 

Dear Nerve Readers, 

I've been in a relationship with my current boyfriend for about two months. We have not had sex yet, and it's starting to drive me crazy.

During these two months I have fallen in love with him, as he has with me. It has been years since I've felt this way about someone. He's sweet, affectionate, and fucking hot. We spend hours in bed together and he goes down on me like a champ, but he can't keep it up long enough to even begin to have sex with me. It's strange — he's hard (sometimes for quite a while) until about two seconds before it's go time (he puts the condom on and everything) and then… nothing.  

I'm getting sick of it. He often assures me that he wants to have sex with me, and I believe him. He's had female partners in the past; I don't think he's latently gay. The thing is, my boyfriend is HIV-positive, and I'm not. My theory is that his sexual dysfunction is all in his head  that he's afraid of giving me the virus so the mechanical bits aren't cooperating. 

He's had one serious relationship before which lasted a very long time. He told me that with this girl things didn't get going (because of this problem) for the better part of a year, but that when they did the two of them would have sex multiple times a day. He says he doesn't know what the problem is, or why it's happening, or what changed when he and his ex finally started having sex. I'd love to give him a chance, but I'm running thin on patience. 

Getting Really Really Randy


Please give her your sage and thoughtful advice in the comments below!