Advice

Please Advise: My Girlfriend’s Sex Drive Disappeared

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You get a chance to answer our readers' sex & dating questions.

Wise readers, 

Each week, the inbox of our venerable advice columnist, Miss Information, is flooded with queries. And although she makes a valiant effort, she cannot answer them all. To deal with the surplus, we've decided to turn to you. So, don your spectacles and help this man out. You can give him advice in the comments below, or, if you'd like to share what you wrote with your friends, on our Facebook page

 

Dear Nerve, 

I'm a thirty-year-old man, engaged to a beautiful twenty-five-year-old woman. We've been together for four years, and about a month ago I popped the big question and she accepted. The problem is that her sex drive dropped about a year after we got together. At first she said it was because of her post-graduate studies, but after she graduated, things kept going downhill. 

I've tried to talk to her about it this whole time but she simply replies she doesn't know what happened. Our sex life used to be great. I've even told her if what I'm doing doesn't feel good, she should tell me so I can change it, but again she says she doesn't know. It's come to the point where I don't even bother trying to initiate sex, because she doesn't want me to touch her, but if I don't touch her she says she thinks I don't find her attractive anymore. She says I have to get her aroused, but every single thing I can think of, she finds unpleasant. 

I really don't know where to go from here. I know that there can be periods when a person's libido wanes, but three years might be a bit too long. We used to have sex two or three times a week; now I'm lucky if its once a month, just missionary position and that's about it. 

What really worries me is that this is the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with, but I have to admit, I like having sex, and think it's a big part of the relationship. It's not everything, but it matters. I've tried and tried and feel I'm not getting anywhere. The lack of sex tends to accentuate other things that bother me in our relationship, and I've started to look what I've sacrificed to be together.

I am trying to make things work, because I love her and there are a lot more good things than bad things, but I'm starting to worry that maybe the bad will soon start to outweigh the good. 

Desperate Soon-To-Be Married Man 

Please give him your sage and thoughtful advice in the comments below!