Advice

Please Advise: Should I tell my ex’s new girlfriend about his STD?

Pin it

He left me for her, but this is the right thing to do… I think.

Each week, the inbox of our venerable advice columnist, Miss Information, is flooded with queries. And although she makes a valiant effort, she can't answer them all. To deal with the surplus, we've decided to turn to you. So, don your spectacles and help this woman out — give her advice in the comments below.

Dear Nerve,

My ex has herpes. He told me this after we'd already had sex a few times, which I was obviously upset about, but we used condoms every time. He told me he only realized he should tell me when it became clear that we were going to be together. We continued to use condoms throughout the course of our relationship, which lasted for about eight months. It's important to note that I was always the one who made sure we used condoms — he wouldn't try duck out of it or anything like that, but I wanted to be as careful as possible, and I've remained herpes-free.

He broke up with me about two weeks ago, and immediately started seeing another girl. Our relationship wasn't perfect, but it was nearly a year of my life, and I did love him, so I was more than a little hurt that he'd bounce back so quickly. Now, I learned recently that the two of them had been creeping around behind my back — I have no idea if they were sleeping together during our relationship, but I've learned they'd been out and about towards the end our relationship. I'm not entirely sure he left me for her, but things certainly look that way.

Here's my quandary: should I tell this girl about my ex? He might have told her; he might not have. She might think I'm lying, and either way, she's the homewrecker here. I'm still broken up about my relationship, but I feel like I owe this girl the truth. I don't really think that poorly of my ex, but then again, I never thought he'd carry on an affair and leave me for someone else, either. 

— Torn Up