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Please Advise: Can I ask my boyfriend to put our future ahead of his job?
His new job would mean moving to another state, but if he turned it down, I'd have to support him while he finds another (again).
Each week, the inbox of our venerable advice columnist, Miss Information, is flooded with queries. And although she makes a valiant effort, she can't answer them all. To deal with the surplus, we've decided to turn to you. So, don your spectacles and help this woman out — give her advice in the comments below.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for nearly five years. We met in high school and started off long-distance for the first few years while we attended separate universities. That distance was hard, but we both were swamped with exams and papers, and the novelty of once-a-month, rip-your-clothes-off-at-the-front-door sex didn’t wear off. Since graduating, we both moved to the same city, and have been living in sin (quite happily) for the past two years. We joke about getting married, and might actually get to that point, but only once we’ve both figured out the other areas of our lives, namely work. I have a steady office job in my dream field with potential for a promotion if I stick with it. My boyfriend... is another story. He majored in a field without immediate work potential, and he’s been fumbling around working as a bookseller in the interim. In the interest of getting his shit together, he made the decision to quit his job, dedicate every day to job hunting, and ride out a few months on his savings. I come home after demanding eight-hour days and try not to begrudge him as he sits there in his boxers, polishing off a Mad Men box-set, and feeling accomplished about applying to three jobs that day. But try as I might, resentment is starting to creep in.
However, all of my frustration and annoyance could be coming to a halt with his first real job offer. The position is on an admissions board for an elite arts college, exactly the kind of intellectual stimulation, upward mobility, and steady salary that he’s been searching for. The catch? It’s in another state. I’m attached to this city, my job, and all of the friends that we've made here. I really don’t want him to take it, and I don’t want to do the long-distance thing again without a definite end in sight. I don't want to pick up and leave my comfortable life here, so, my question is, is it selfish of me to ask him not to take the job? If he gives up the opportunity, it might mean another long period of seeing him unemployed and having to support him. Is this a lose-lose situation?
— Short-Distance Or Bust
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