Ridiculous Tips for a Miserable Sex Life: February
Your boyfriend is cheating on you. Really.
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Each month like clockwork, men's and women's magazines hit the newsstands, bursting with terrible sex and dating advice. And each month, we pick out the worst tips and mock them for your edification.
At the midpoint of February is a day for love — albeit a rather contrived one. But even if you're in the two percent of the population that enjoys Valentine's Day, the rest of the month is terrible for dating. The 13th is — at least for a certain breed of men's and women's magazines — "mistress day." And after that the last two weeks of the month are for cheating. In fact, AshleyMadison.com, the renowned "extramarital dating site," reports that the weeks after Valentine's see the year's largest jump in membership. Why, you ask? We turned to the giants of the industry — Men's Health and Cosmopolitan — for their wisdom.
Commentarium (70 Comments)
Holy shit these are horrible.
hahaha "I think I'm just more comfortable weighing things in my own head than you are. Maybe I need less validation." shared this one with my gf. she says she would punch me in the balls if I told her that.
Does that count as stealthily touching your junk? Well, maybe not so stealthy . . . but I can see Cosmo suggesting it as a great way to bond with your man . . .
It is pretty fucking insulting.
surely you could just reply, "well, that may be so, but you also sound like you need a lot less sex" Then smile in a devilishly smug manner. :P
Last night was fun; you are not a slut.
Hahahahahaha.
Also, fuck Men's Health. Some ladies are down to fuck just like guys and don't feel guilty about it for a second.
But then we couldn't have double standards!
Seriously, though, I agree. And this is more than mildly offensive. If I ever treat my girlfriend like this, please feel free to torture me to death.
Actually sex is a normal activities to all beings bcos every individual is always involve in it as human.sex is emotional filling contact btw any one eider a girl or man and As 4 guys and girl dt are having a girlfriend or a boyfriend dt so! Much love,please! Note...Sex is liberty in Ur relationship,marrege.... etc.
What?
Don't listen to orinoko, TerryNk. The rest of us understand you. As you say, sex is a normal activities to all beings.
Terry, did you say bacos? Do you like avocado...
ROFL, want my salad soulmate.
No! I did'nt say so!,not dt i like such! Bcos everybody is not of disam mind,heart or nature...so! Tell me why did ask?sweet! Anne
No! I did'nt say so!,not dt i like such! Bcos everybody is not of disam mind,heart or nature...so! Tell me why did ask?sweet! Anne
Sorry, I don't think that's English.
lol i'm feeling that the men's health article is a joke, they seriously wrote it but i believe they were being sarcastic or sardonic, cynical, whatever the word
This is why I read vogue in my spare time when I choose to read a magazine.
" Women are annoying to men, so men cheat on women. Women then have to do absurdly silly things to win them back/meet new ones."
Any resemblance to movies with Jennifer Aniston is not a mere coincidence.
I'm just... speechless. These things are insane and I bet there are people insane enough to follow the ""tips""..... ROAAAR.
Also: HOW ANNOYING! 12 pages?? Why not 1 or 2? If there's some kind of "deerrrp we need more pageviews" -explanation, well, you just lost mine because I don't want to read another article with its own page/couple of sentences.
Hi sweet lele!?please! Lele! I was'nt serious about what i said bt now i ve realize mistakes and i always hate myself when hurting someone.please! 4give me! I'm sry.
According to MH women obviously don't have brains (unless it has to do with, like, yay, shopping!) and respond simply to whatever stimulus a man gives. Everyone else will comment on the absurdity of these articles because that's what they're here for. But really, what adderol lacking 'writer' put this together? Why are pages 4 and 5 flipped? And why do you jump from Cosmo to MH to Cosmo? Put the MH article and the Cosmo's together, I think the adults in the room can follow a story long enough to get it.
These really are beyond absurd. And Salad Soulmate? Who takes salads that seriously?
Actually i realy want 2 applogize 2 everyone rite here 4 me being so! Fast! at my words...pls 4give me!...i am not perfect...i am sorry! Most especial 2..(lele) i ve learn 4rom my mistake.U all where right..please! 4give me!.i love u all
The old format of these articles (not quite so interspersed) was much easier to read.
I always look forward to my monthly dose of miserable sex tips, but this new format bullshit sucks. I might skip the feature next month. Was it just a rogue intern trying to spice things up? Regardless, most of life's problems can be blamed on either the interns or the cooks.
Hi!,name is Terry nk.Meagon.I am guy of 23yrs of age,i dnt have a girl,but has 4 dose dt are into any relationship jst Note! dis! In ur Soul..if ur girl or a guy who so ever it may be and ur sweet is cheating on U,all u have 2 do,d best u should do has a right person dt knos what he or she his doing well..just quirt d (Love)out 4rom d relationship and 4get about all.bcos even if u accept but d love will nt dere has Much! By den dere shall be a waving Filling in both heart!!....if u need more check me out...TerryNK at facebook,efeterry@yahoo.com
If a guy did any of the things mentioned in this magazine, I would throat chop him. Likewise, I would fully expect a throat chop from him if I did any of the panthress moves described in Cosmo. Is it too far-fetched to think that maybe all that the douchy Men's Health guys are looking for in life is a pathologically insecure, weight obsessed, shrieking woman hell bent on marriage? Let them have each other.
I don't mean you, TerryNK. I think you'll find a nice girl.
WoW, don't folks know how to spell even simple words anymore?
This is like all the bad advice I have ever gotten from people who have no idea what they are talking about rolled into one horrible spitball of bad advice.
Honestly, how petty is that " I don't need as much validation as you" line?
Dating is bad enough sometimes without going through BS like this. It is like Cosmo, and MH have taken what you did in middle school/junior high to the adult level. What is the advice next month from MH. Pull on her pony tail, and run away. This will show you like her without being needy.
Oh! This is why women are so fucked up...
Is TerryNK for real or some sort of AI? If said "person" is AI, I'd be impressed, but if he is actually a human, he writes like a monkey typing on one hand and jacking off into a can with the other. NK: does that stand for North Korea?
I'm casting my lot with those who liked the old format. And is this not done by Ben anymore? The best part is the clever writing, not pictures of the mags....
disgruntled,
jill
http://inbedwithmarriedwomen.blogspot.com
ScubaChris74, you nailed it:
"What is the advice next month from MH. Pull on her pony tail, and run away. This will show you like her without being needy."
Brilliant, best literary review I have read in a good while.
Bring back the devastatingly accurate sarcastic lampoon!
who the fuck in their right mind is buying a periwinkle toilet cover?
You should totally check out www.howtoraiseaboyfriend.com
do people really think this is the way women think?? that we care so much about clothes that we're dying to pick out outfits for our boyfriends? i could really give less of a fuck what my man wears.. and about the "emoting".. who likes to talk about feelings? am i missing something here?
I'd be annoyed if I had to pick out my boyfriends clothes. I'm not his mother.
and also i do like to talk when he gets off work but if he ever needed some space and asked for it i would completely understand! it's no big deal.. honestly, do you think this would be a crisis? i need space too
xPSJ33 Yeah, it is clear now ... Just can not figure out how often do you update your blog???
fLeaIi The topic is pretty complicated for a beginner...
UDVSXp I subscribed to RSS, but for some reason, the messages are written in the form of some hieroglyph (How can it be corrected???
Q2eFbi Left on my site a link to this post. I think many people will be interested in it!!!
IsoqoI I serched through the internet and got here. What a wonderful invention of the mankind. With the help of the network you communicate, learn, read ... That helped us to get acquainted...
I am getting married on the 15th of November. Congratulate me! Then will be here rarely...
Very amusing thoughts, well told, everything is in its place:)))
Comrade kill yourselfff
Yet, much is unclear. Could you describe in more details...
Very amusing thoughts, well told, everything is in its place:)))
Hello! Read the pages not for the first day. Yes, the connection speed is not good. How can I subscribe? I would like to read you in the future...
Yeah� I read and I understand that I do not understand anything what it is about:)))
Gripping! I would like to listen to the experts` views on the subject...
Develop the topic further! It is interesting to know more details!!!
The text is promising, will place the site to my favorites!!!
Not bad post, but a lot of extra ....
Every time I come back here again and don`t get disappointed!!!
I serched through the internet and got here. What a wonderful invention of the mankind. With the help of the network you communicate, learn, read ... That helped us to get acquainted...
Heartfelt thanks!!!
Gripping! I would like to listen to the experts` views on the subject...
Stupid article!!!
Comrade kill yourselfff
I would add something else, of course, but in fact almost everything is mentioned...
Cool! You have answered. I'll take a quote! The meaning of life and everything else. Decided. No kidding...
Well, actually, a lot of what you write is not quite true ... well, okay, it does not matter:)))
Post brought me to think, went to mull over.....
Yeah, it is clear now ... Just can not figure out how often do you update your blog???
Honestly, not bad news...
Of course, I understand a little about this post but will try cope with it...
52. "The road will be overcome by that person, who goes." I wish you never stopped and be creative - forever!!!