Advice

Dating Advice from Comedy-Club Employees

Pin it

Dating advice...

Jonathan, 31

Why is a comedy club a good first-date spot?
I have to hear a girl’s laugh if I’m going to date her. If she cackles like a hyena, she could look like Charlize Theron and I’d still be out of there.

What’s the best way to pick up a comedy-club employee on the job?
With a compliment instead of with humor.

Lots of things about my relationship are great, but the sex is vanilla — my boyfriend is weirded out by my collection of sex toys, and isn’t willing to experiment. What should I do?
For me, sexual connection is paramount. If we aren’t on the same level, I feel like I’d always be settling or compromising. Plus, you’re bound to meet someone who’s into that stuff and has all the great qualities that your significant other possesses — then temptations and complications arise.

I’m seeing someone who recently got a divorce. How cautious should I be about moving the relationship forward?
Never date someone fresh out of a relationship. Never. It’s too emotional of a time for the divorcee. Yes, I know the sex is awesome, but there are a lot of things going on in her head and her heart. Plus, her husband is going to be in the picture no matter what she says about it.

How can working at a comedy club get me laid?
We’re provided with a steady stream of great one-liners, funny stories and well-written jokes. Reciting one of these lines can come in handy when trying making an impression.

 

Taylor, 25

What’s a good rule of thumb for using humor to win over a date?
Make sure you’re actually funny and not just a third child with a false sense of confidence because you held your own against two Tommy Boy-quoting older brothers.

What’s the best way to exit an awkward morning-after?
Don’t address the situation directly. Your date will panic and think you’re saying you made a terrible decision.

I’m seeing someone who recently got a divorce. Advice?
Make sure you don’t look like the previous spouse.

How can I dissuade my significant other from doing something he really wants to do if he’s terrible at it?
Film him doing whatever it is he thinks he can do. If he likes watching the video, that means when you think he’s taking a shower, he’s just looking at himself in the bathroom mirror with the water running — you might have to dump him.

I’m a girl who’s always preferred one-night stands to dating, but I worry that when I do settle down, my partner’s going to be turned off my track record. Will my sexual free-spiritedness come back to haunt me?
Guys get jealous at first if you’ve had lots of experience, but we lose that quickly when we realize we’ve finally found a girl who applies the proper amount of pressure during a reverse-cowgirl.

Christine, 22

Open relationships: logistically possible?
Possible: yes. Good idea: no. Open relationships scream codependency. If you and your partner need time apart or want to see other people, break off your own relationship first. The break up doesn’t need to be forever. It may just be that you’re not sure if your current situation is right for you, but don’t drag the other person through your insecurities with you.

How can I dissuade my significant other from doing something he really wants to do if he’s terrible at it?
It’s not your place to stop him. If they want to drop their entire life and get into something you believe they’re not good at, and it affects you, that’s different. But don’t try to stop someone from trying something new just because you have reservations about it.

What’s the best way to pick up a comedy-club employee?
I can tell you the worst way: start telling jokes. You and your friends may think they’re funny, but we’ve heard them all and we think they’re just plain pitiful. Just leave a big tip with your number on it.

Lots of things about my relationship are great, but the sex is vanilla — my boyfriend is weirded out by my collection of sex toys, and isn’t willing to experiment. What should I do?
Break it off. End of story. If you’re the kind of person who likes a little flavor in their sex life, then being with someone so dry will get to you. If he’s not willing to experiment, and you’re unhappy, it’ll create other problems.

What’s the best way to exit an awkward morning-after?
Through the bathroom window.

 

Gina, 25

This Hillary/Barack race is creating tension in my relationship (I’m for him, he’s for her). We’re both very political people so we can’t just ignore it. What should we do?
My mother would say that religion is the dealbreaker in relationships, not politics. But being a very political person myself, if I can’t agree on these sorts of issues with my partner, we can’t be together. Take a tip from my mother and pray you have religion in common.

What’s the best way to pick up a comedy-club employee?
Keep conversation short and sweet. And guys, a Guinness or some Jack Daniels is more of a turn-on than an apple martini.

How can I dissuade my significant other from doing something he really wants to do if he’s terrible at it?
Bring them to some open mic nights and let the crowd decide. But be ready to eventually be honest with them if they haven’t come to their senses after a few failures.

Open relationships: logistically possible?
Everyone needs a little "strange" now and then, but for me? An open relationship? Hell no, no way, no how, not a chance.

I’m into slapstick, she’s the type to read The New Yorker and have a light chuckle. Can having a completely different sense of humor become a dealbreaker?

Absolutely. If you cannot laugh at Matt Fulchiron until you’re keeled over crying, it’s not gonna work out between us

Interviews by Caitlin MacRae.