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Dating Advice from . . . Knife-Throwers

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Jack Dagger, “The King of Fling”, 33
Recognized by the International Knife-throwers Hall of Fame
www.jackdagger.com

How can becoming a knife-thrower make me better in bed?
When I first started performing, I was driving an ’89 Camry. My target board was almost as big as the damn car. I had to learn how to tie special knots just to keep the thing from sliding off the roof. Occasionally I’d meet a gal who was keen on the idea of being tied up. Thanks to my on-the-job training, I was more than happy to indulge her.

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I’ve always wanted to be the target girl. What should I look for in a knife-thrower to make sure I get out alive?
Avoid the braggarts. Those of us who “can do” probably have an extensive video history and living references. Also, if the thrower looks like a lecherous old man, then that’s probably where his strengths lie, not in knife-throwing.

I just moved to the same city as an old flame. He has a girlfriend of several months. We’ve met up, and I feel a spark. Should I tell him how I feel?
Yep. That’s a no-brainer. Totally adult thing to do. Just telling him how you feel doesn’t mean he has to have sex with you.

What’s the greatest lesson you’ve learned about relationships?
Don’t eat shit just for harmony’s sake. That’ll bite you in the ass, big time. And don’t wait either. If your significant other is being a bitch, let her know as soon as you can. If you’re being a dick, have to humility to admit that, too.

My girlfriend’s sister hit on me over Thanksgiving. Christmas is around the corner, and I’m sweating it already. Do I tell my girlfriend?
The trick to addressing these kinds of things is diplomacy. Don’t refer to the sister as an “oversexed cunt.” Instead, mention that she’s “kind of an amorous gal, isn’t she?” See if you can both laugh about it, so when it happens again you and your girlfriend can be ready to diffuse the situation.

I recently went on a first date with a woman who got so drunk I had to pour her into a cab and send her home afterward. She called the next day to apologize, she said she never gets drunk like that on a first date, she just hadn’t eaten much that day and didn’t realize how big the drinks were. Still, she completely turned me off. Should I go on another date with her anyway?
You don’t owe her anything. Don’t go out with her again unless it’s to an A.A. meeting.

Tonya Kay, 24
www.tonyakay.com

I just moved to the same city as an old flame. He has a girlfriend of several months. We’ve met up, and I feel a spark. Should I tell him how I feel?
Non-violent communication is always a positive relationship tactic. But in this case, I would remind myself that this man is not available, and to pursue a man who cannot possibly give me all of his love is like wearing my self-esteem issues on my shirtsleeve.

What can the sport of knife-throwing teach us about sex?
The knife is a metaphor for the thrower’s sexual energy — the surrender of the target person, the focus of the thrower, the just-off eye contact between the two. I remember one thrower with exceptional skills who I stood target for, he practically begged my forgiveness the entire time and afterwards over-thanked me for allowing him to throw around me. I could only imagine that he feels pity for the women who bed him as well. Total turn-off.

How can becoming a knife-thrower make me better in bed?
Knife-throwers are inevitably weapon enthusiasts, and it is my opinion that every bedroom needs the occasional whip, spear, or dagger.

I like adventurous sex, but my boyfriend is more meat-and-potatoes. How can I get him to branch out?
There is not a man alive who doesn’t arch like a pussycat when given a spontaneous, gentle rimming from a trusted partner.

My significant other wants to take me to a sex club, but I’m nervous. How can I feel more comfortable?
Practice, practice, practice. Script scenarios fulfillable by two people: you and your significant other only. The at-home rehearsals will be lots of fun, fortify your relationship and build anticipation before the event. Then, when you arrive at said sex club, you arrive with a solid foundation.

What’s your best freezing-cold-weather date idea?
How about a sleigh ride, Don Juan? You live in a city? Get one of those horse carriages to pull you around. Also, the theatre is always nice and warm and gives you a good excuse to show off your fancies after the coat is checked.

What’s the best way to pick up a knife-thrower?
Present her with a custom-made chain-mail bikini to match her throwing set and fantasy stage persona.


Rebecca, 36
www.treasurehiding.com

A guy I know has a crush on me, and I need sex. Do I need to be upfront about what I’m in it for, or can I just have a good time?
Just let it happen. After you sleep with him, you may change your mind and want to spend the rest of your life with him. And if not, chances are he’ll be happy with the sex part anyway.

What can the sport of knife-throwing teach us about sex?
Knife-throwing teaches you to trust your instincts, not over-think things and develop an intuitive sense of timing. It is amazing what a difference it makes when your mind and body are actually connected.

I just moved to the same city as an old flame. He has a girlfriend of several months. We’ve met up, and I feel a spark. Should I tell him how I feel?
It sounds like you may just be bored and alone in a new city, or maybe it’s an ego thing. Personally, I’m not a big fan of this type of behavior, but if home-wrecking is your thing, by all means, tell him how you feel. Just don’t be surprised when you find yourself playing the starring role in a very predictable soap opera.

My girlfriend’s sister hit on me over Thanksgiving. Christmas is around the corner, and I’m sweating it already. Do I tell my girlfriend?
First, don’t make a mountain out of a molehill. Telling your girlfriend at this point would only cause tension and drama, and it isn’t like anything really happened. Instead of avoiding the sister, make it clear to her via your body language that you’re not interested. If that doesn’t work, be obvious about it. Take her aside and tell her what’s what.

What’s your best freezing-cold-weather date idea?
Light every candle in the house, put on your best Stevie Nicks-esque ensemble, get out the Ouija board and invite your date over for a homemade séance.


Matt the Knife, 27
www.matttheknife.com

I’m a twenty-something guy who’s always had trouble getting an erection, so I sometimes use Viagra. Now I’m dating a girl pretty seriously. I feel weird hiding something from her, but it’s an awkward thing to bring up. Do I have to?
Make sure she’s truly in love with you before you tell her, so she won’t run off. Don’t feel obligated or rushed to tell her, because you can tell her anytime. Say something along the lines of, “Look, I haven’t brought this up before because it’s an awkward thing to say, but I feel so comfortable with you and our relationship now that it’s important for me to not keep secrets from you.”

What’s the greatest lesson you’ve learned about relationships?
Opposites attract, but in nearly all cases, these relationships are destined to fail. Find someone who has similar interests to you, who you’re truly compatible with in as many ways as possible.

What’s your best freezing-cold-weather date idea?
Skiing. Come on, man — it’s snowing out there! By increasing your heart rate, you’re increasing the release of endorphins, which gives people the illusion they’re in love, even if they’re not.

What’s the best way to pick up a knife-thrower?
Copious amounts of alcohol. But not until you’re done throwing.

Is there any knife-throwing equipment (besides, perhaps, knives) that can be brought into the bedroom?
Yeah, your target girl.

I’ve always wanted to be the target girl. What should I look for in a knife-thrower to make sure I get out alive?
I’d say it’s more about you being able to get up there. You’ve got to have nerves of steel. You have to be able to take direction well, and you should be flexible and attractive. If you’re all those things, the knife-thrower will find you.
 

Interviews by Chantal O’Keeffe. Dating Advice From… appears on Thursdays. Have questions for the general public? Send them to sexadvicefrom@nerve.com.

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