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Dating Advice from . . . League Bowlers

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Colleen, 27

Is a night of bowling a good first date?
For most people I think it would be. I, on the other hand, am way too competitive and would have to beat my date.

My boyfriend is friends with all his ex-girlfriends, and most of his platonic friends are female as well. Am I justified in being bothered by this?
Yes. And the reason is "because."

I went on a date with this guy who’s on the verge of breaking up with his girlfriend — I know for a fact that their relationship is coming apart. Is it okay for me to sleep with him if he’s not quite single, but almost?

promotion

These types of situations, put the shoe on the other foot. If you were that girl and found out your "almost" ex-boyfriend slept with someone else, would you be happy?

I dated a guy for three months. It wasn’t a great romance, but he broke up with me by just not calling anymore, and I’m depressed about that. How can I get closure?
On this one, you have to realize you won’t get full closure. Voodoo dolls and magic spells won’t help ease your feelings of confusion. The good part is, you can go on knowing that you’re the bigger person. He did you a favor. You didn’t want to go out with someone that immature.

What grand romantic gesture would sweep you off your feet?
If he let me beat him at bowling.

Colin, 25

I went on a date with this guy who’s on the verge of breaking up with his girlfriend. Is it okay for me to sleep with him if he’s not quite single, but almost?
No. I’ve seen relationships that were "on the verge of breaking up," and two weeks later they seemed like they were about to get engaged.

Is it okay to skip an event my significant other wants me to go to if I have bowling league that night?
It depends on the importance of the event. A funeral for an immediate family member, you go. A funeral for her friend’s third cousin, you bowl.

A good friend professed his love for me. Is it possible to preserve the friendship once such feelings are out in the open?
I’ve known my girlfriend for over eleven years, and we were always really close. We’ve been together as a couple now for six years. Before that, I did have a good friend tell me that she was attracted to me. I told her I was flattered, but not interested at the time. She seemed fine with it. So yeah, it worked for us.

What grand romantic gesture would sweep you off your feet?
This is hard. I don’t like people showing me "gestures." I like doing the gesturing. A song dedication is nice. Maybe an "I love you, Baby" on the big screen at Yankee Stadium. And you can never go wrong with a "just because" romantic night.

Is a night of bowling a good first date?
A night of open bowling, sure. Don’t take her to watch you at league night, though. She’ll be really bored, unless you suck, in which case she’ll laugh at you.


Jen, 23

Conventional wisdom says it’s a bad idea to date someone you work with. Is dating someone on your bowling team also verboten?
The problem with doing this is, it adds pressure. If you’re in a fight with your significant other and then have to bowl with them, it can directly affect your game. And then you have to deal with their criticism for that.

My boyfriend is friends with all his ex-girlfriends, and most of his platonic friends are female as well. Am I justified in being bothered by this?
There is nothing wrong with it bothering you, but think about the friends you have that are men. You wouldn’t want it to bother their girlfriends. If you trust him, there’s nothing to worry about.

I went on a date with this guy who’s on the verge of breaking up with his girlfriend. Is it okay for me to sleep with him if he’s not quite officially single, but almost?
If he is not fully broken up, he’s still taken. There’s no slipping through the cracks with that one, you would still be the other woman.

I’m looking for a serious relationship. Is it possible to find true love in the bar scene?
I don’t see why not. People are finding each other online and living happily ever after. I usually go to bars when I’m on the hunt — it may work, it may not, but it never hurts to try.

I dated a guy for three months. It wasn’t a great romance, but still, he broke up with me by just not calling anymore and I’m depressed about that. How can I get closure?
Call him and be straightforward: "Hey, what’s the deal? You stopped calling and it would be fantastic if you would share why." If he doesn’t give you the courtesy of that, he was never worth it. Go to the bar and have fun.


Jackie, 29

Would it place too much pressure on a relationship to be on the same bowling team?
My boyfriend and I came from two different schools. We bowled on our school bowling leagues, so we were rivals. From that experience, I can tell you it’s better to be on the same team.

A good friend professed his love for me, but I want keep things platonic. Is it possible to preserve the friendship once such feelings are out in the open?
I think it is possible to maintain a friendship. If you try to beat around the bush and lay out all these excuses, that will make it difficult.

My boyfriend is friends with all his ex-girlfriends, and most of his platonic friends are female as well. Am I justified in being bothered by this?
No. My boyfriend is friends with all girls. You need to make it your business to become friends with them. If he makes the effort to get all of you guys together, you’ll feel better because he’s making it known that you’re his girl.

I dated this guy for three months. It wasn’t a great romance, but still, he broke up with me by just not calling anymore and I’m depressed about that. How can I get closure?
Look at it from the point of view that he lost you, and that that’s a consequence of his actions — you might not need any more closure than that. I don’t think closure is the kind of thing anyone can do for you. I think you need to find it in yourself to realize you’re better than that.

What grand romantic gesture would sweep you off your feet?
I don’t like the cliché stuff. If a guy is really into you, he should find something personal that not many people know about you and use that. I’ve had arthritis since I was a baby, and the guy I’m with now filled my new bookshelf with books about arthritis, and wrote notes in all the margins. He’s been to every doctor’s appointment, keeps track of all my meds. If you find somebody that can pull something important from your life and make it part of their life, that shows you really care.  

Interviews by Steph Auteri. Dating Advice From… appears on Thursdays. Have questions for the general public? Send them to sexadvicefrom@nerve.com.

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