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Brittany, 23

How do I market myself as relationship material?
Have great online profiles. Your Facebook and MySpace profiles are the most influential part of your personality. Who wants to date someone who hasn’t updated their profile? If you can’t find time to upload pictures or hobbies, are you really going to find time to pick out the perfect present for my birthday?

I’ve always turned the lights off during sex because I’m self-conscious about my body. How can I overcome this?
Start by walking around your house naked, sleeping naked, dancing in your living room naked — just get comfortable in your own skin. Take some sexy pictures and put them in your underwear drawer. Photoshop your face onto the body of a Victoria’s Secret model. Make yourself seem sexy in your mind and your body will follow.

promotion

I’m sleeping with several different guys. What’s the mandatory waiting period between hookups? Is it too sleazy to go out to dinner with one at nine, then meet another for drinks and sex at eleven?
You can date as many people as you want. Sleeping with them is a different story. It’s like trying to get a Hermes Birkin — people desire it because there are a limited amount, you have to be someone special to get it, and you have to wait, wait and wait some more. When you sleep around, you’re like a knockoff — people are just carrying you around until they can afford the real thing.

I’m seeing two guys, one long distance and the other local. I have more of a connection with the long-distance guy and want a long-term relationship with him. Is it wrong to utilize my current freedom to get off with the other guy?
No, if you don’t mind the first guy finding out. The world of attractive people is small. The world of attractive, successful people is even smaller. And we all talk.

What’s the best way to utilize a hotel room for sex?
Have sex on the balcony at sunrise. Bathe in the fabulous shower. Then order off the room-service menu, casually go out onto the grounds for a walk and never come back.

Is it okay to end a friends-with-benefits relationship over online chat?
No, because the important part of that phrase is “friends.” You were friends before you started banging each other, and you’ll probably want to be friends afterward. Plus, you want to get one more hookup in before you end it.

I’m very politically liberal, and there’s a hot Republican I know would sleep with me if I asked him to. Is this okay, or am I betraying the cause?
You can definitely sleep with him. In fact, sleep with him all the time so he doesn’t have time to date or procreate. And don’t feel bad — we’re Democrats. We’re supposed to be jackasses.

Natayle, 27

I’ve always turned the lights off during sex because I’m self-conscious about my body. How can I overcome this?
The way to overcome it is to just not care anymore. But if it’s something you feel you need to do, get your ass to the gym and work it out. If it’s something deeper, you need to look inside.

I’m sleeping with several different guys. What’s the mandatory waiting period between hookups?
I personally wouldn’t double-book. In my world, the waiting period should be a month before hooking up. I’m a hypochondriac, and I’m really anal about things like that. My mom scared the shit out of me.

Is it okay to end a friends-with-benefits relationship through online chat?
No. Anytime you’re intimate with a person, you owe it to them to do it in person or over the phone. Even when they’re friends with benefits, there are feelings involved.

I’m a liberal, and there’s a hot Republican who I know would sleep with me if I asked him to. Is this okay, or am I betraying the cause?
Have fun. Who cares? You’re not planning on marrying the person. Maybe both of you can help each other learn to let your guard down.

I have a feeling my boyfriend is getting ready to ask me to marry him, and I’m not ready. Should I try to diffuse this situation before it arises? If not, what should I say when he asks me?
Make it clear to him in a casual conversation where you stand. If he asks before that point, say, “I love you, but I’m just not ready for this right now.” It doesn’t mean you love him any less, you just want wait for right time for both of you to move forward.


Mathewson, 23

How do I market myself as the perfect candidate for a relationship?
Never act like you’re marketing yourself. People like being around people have have their act together, or at least seem to. Take on a “take it or leave it” attitude without pushing the person away.

I’m sleeping with several different guys. What’s the mandatory waiting period between hookups?
Waiting period? I think you mean to say travel time. Moving on to your next appointment should only be limited by how quickly you can catch that train or taxi and hustle across town.

What’s the best way to utilize a hotel room for sex?
Hotel hookups are about as appealing as the backseat of my first car. There’s nothing like that 8 a.m. wakeup appearance by maid service. Do yourself and your partner a favor and go to their place.

Is it okay to end a friends-with-benefits relationship over online chat?
If that’s all it meant to you, then sure. Nothing says “it’s over” quite like Instant Messenger.

I have a feeling my boyfriend is getting ready to ask me to marry him. I love him, but I don’t want to marry him yet. Should I try to diffuse it somehow before he asks, and how? Or, if I wait for him to ask, how should I respond?
Be happy anyone wants to marry you! Geez! Nowadays, people are lucky if their partner even wants an exclusive relationship, let alone dating. Bite the bullet and settle down. If you wait, by the time your ready, he’ll have moved on.


Maria, 22

How do I market myself as girlfriend material?
Make the guy chase you. That way they feel like they worked for it and they’ll appreciate you more. It’s like a less-extreme form of fraternity hazing.

I’ve always turned the lights off during sex because I’m self-conscious about my body. Can I overcome this?
I think of it like this: when I look at a guy’s body, maybe he has too much chest hair, or his stomach is kind of chubby. Whatever the flaw is, you don’t really care. Or even really notice, for that matter. Trust me, guys are so much less critical of girls than girls are of girls.

I’m a liberal, and there’s a hot Republican who I know would sleep with me if I asked him to. Is this okay, or am I betraying the cause?
Just because he has the opposite political viewpoints doesn’t mean he’s the bastard making the laws — he just agrees with them. And sometimes sex is hottest when you’re doing something bad, like sleeping with a Republican.

I have a feeling my boyfriend is getting ready to ask me to marry him, and I’m not ready. Should I try to diffuse this situation before it arises? If not, what should I say when he asks me?
If you don’t want to marry him yet, then have a long engagement. Unless he’s asking you to marry him after only knowing you for a few months, you’ve definitely made some sort of long-term commitment to him just by dating him this long.

I’m seeing two guys, one long distance and the other local. I have more of a connection with the long-distance guy and want a long-term relationship with him. Is it wrong to utilize my current freedom to get off with the other guy?
In the end, you’ll end up hurting the local guy, so don’t bother with him. Plus, once you get too comfy with being with two guys at once, you probably won’t want to stop.
 

Interviews by Simona Kogan. Dating Advice From… appears on Thursdays. Have questions for the general public? Send them to sexadvicefrom@nerve.com.

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