Advice

Dating Advice from . . . the Corduroy Club

Pin it
 REGULARS
Dating advice...

  Send to a Friend
  Printer Friendly Format
  Leave Feedback
  Read Feedback
  Nerve RSS

The Corduroy Appreciation Club — “a social club for people who like corduroy fabric,” according to its mission statement — meets twice a year: on January 11 and November 11 (or, 1/11 and 11/11, the two dates that most resemble corduroy). Nerve asked for their advice on dating, relationships and wale-based fashion.

Lord Whimsy, 39
www.lordwhimsy.com

What’s the best corduroy item to wear on a first date?
Probably corduroy socks, so I don’t get cold feet before meeting the unfortunate lady in question. Corduroy socks also provide traction against most dashboards. A fact!

promotion

I want to purchase a corduroy jacket for my boyfriend. Which aspects of quality, construction, waling, etc. should I look for?
The best advice I can give is watch out for American-cut jackets. They’re notoriously boxy and baggy. Jacket cuffs should not swallow your hands. The bottom of the jacket itself should end between the second knuckle of your thumb and its tip when your arm rests at your side.

Would you date a non-enthusiast of corduroy? Is it possible to maintain an intimate connection with one who’s not enthusiastic about that which you are most passionate about?
Never date a non-enthusiast, period! If, by some cruel twist of fate you actually find yourself married to a non-enthusiast, then you must resign yourself to the fact that you are all but damned to a lifetime of deeply unremarkable oatmeal-colored furniture.

In this day and age of technology-spurred instant gratification, do you think it’s ever okay to break up online?
If you’re not man enough to break up with a woman face to face, then you weren’t man enough to date her in the first place. What is this, Hannah Montana?

I get mixed signals from my girlfriend, and it sometimes gets me in trouble. How can I tell when she’s being affectionate because she wants sex, and when she’s being touchy-feely just to cuddle?
If she’s stuck a drumstick of pheasant into your bum, then it’s game time, my friend. If she pulls a drumstick out of the cat’s bum, then she’s just tidying up.

Kate, 29
www.corduroyclub.com

Which pickup line actually works on you?
“I think you are very gentle-looking.”

Is it ever okay to approach the break-up conversation online?
Switch it up: send a letter. What says “You’re not the one for me” better than opposing forms of communication?

I want to purchase a corduroy jacket for my boyfriend. What should I look for?
Fabulous taste, my friend! A corduroy blazer is always a good starter. I suggest a fine wale (a wide wale tends to get bulky with a properly fitted blazer) in a neutral color such as charcoal gray or brown. Contrasting elbow patches are a nice touch as well.

If your significant other has an event they want you to attend with them, but you already have awesome plans on that same day, how do you handle the situation?
Compromise is key. I would like to think my significant other would forego awesome plans to attend an event he knew was important to me, so I’d go to the important event. Awesome plans can happen another night, and maybe the event will end up being even more awesome than the awesome plans.

What’s your go-to article of first-date corduroy clothing?
Corduroy bloomers. They’re both unexpected and understated.


Kurt, 28
www.flavorbusted.com

Is it okay to break up with someone online if your relationship commenced there?
I don’t think it’s appropriate to rule out any kind of effort to communicate. There’s the question of class and what’s appropriate to the situation, so if you’re that type of person in that type of relationship, then sure. If someone did that to me, I think I’d respond to the breakup email with an LOL telegram. That seems right.

Your first date concludes with the first kiss. She revoltingly assaults your face with her tongue and well-moisturized lips. Is there a future here?
No. I’ve lived this and asked her outright if she wanted to try again, but my way. There was improvement, but let’s be honest: it’s in her kiss.

I finally made my breakup stick. Now it’s time to break it to my family who, as it happens, really loved him. How do I get my family members to help me make this a clean break?
Chances are pretty good that they didn’t actually really love him as much as they told you they did. But if that’s not the case and they’re giving you a hard time, consider a clean break with them. That’s iffy business.

I get mixed signals from my girlfriend, and it sometimes gets me in trouble. How can I tell when she’s being affectionate because she wants sex, and when she’s being touchy-feely just to cuddle?
What kind of corduroy is she wearing?

Which pickup line actually works on you?
“Nice cords.”


Sandra, 31

I would like to purchase a corduroy jacket for my boyfriend. Which should I look for?
I’m generally suspect of girls that like to dress their boys, but okay. Look for shapely lapels, well-curved darts and thoughtfully placed pockets. Three buttons-plus and elbow patches also score big style points.

Is it okay to break up with someone online if your relationship commenced there?
I read in a book of mostly cliché truisms, “The quality of your communication equals the quality of your life.” Try to initiate real-life conversation, but take what you can get. But if there are emoticons involved, you should think about punching some necks.

I finally made my breakup stick. Now it’s time to break it to my family who, as it happens, really loved him. How do I get my family members to help me make this a clean break?
Encourage mom to remove his stocking from the mantle. Now that you’re on a better path, you might also assure them they’ll love the next fella even more.

I get mixed signals from my girlfriend, and it sometimes gets me in trouble. How can I tell when she’s being affectionate because she wants sex, and when she’s being touchy-feely just to cuddle?
The warm touch of corduroy says, “I heart you.” Team building exercise shirt? “Not tonight.”

Your first date concludes with the first kiss. She revoltingly assaults your face with her tongue and well-moisturized lips. Is there a future here?
I’m all for works-in-progress, but let’s pause for a moment at “revoltingly assaults your face.” If that syntax is the truth, that’s not entirely promising.
 

Interviews by Steph Auteri. Dating Advice From… appears on Thursdays. Have questions for the general public? Send them to sexadvicefrom@nerve.com.

Previous Dating Advice


RELATED ARTICLES
Dating Advice From Marketers by Simona Kogan
Dating Advice From Zamboni Drivers by Anna Davies
Dating Advice From The Holiday Market by David Callicott
Dating Advice From Knife-Throwers by Chantal O’Keeffe
Sex Advice From The Brooklynites by Emily Farris
Sex Advice From America’s Most Smartest Model Stars by Simona Kogan

©2007 Steph Auteri & Nerve.com, Inc.