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Dating Advice from . . . the Holiday Market

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Antonia Daly, 41

What do you sell here?
Soaps that I make.

What kind of soap should I use to make me smell manly, but in a clean way?
Out of India. It’s a blend of cinnamon, clove, cardamom, coriander, vetiver, and ylang-ylang. Very sensuous.

promotion

Do you flirt with your customers?
I’m always flirting with my customers, but the first words out of my mouth are always, “My husband and I make the soaps.” So I’m in a safe place to flirt from. Although I have had quite a few crushes on people I’ve met at my booth. Crushes are important when you’re in a relationship.

How so?
When you’re in a relationship, you have to give yourself the freedom to realize that there are a lot of other people out there who might be compatible with you. It can be energizing, and make you feel more sensuous.

Have you been naughty or nice this year?
Nice in reality, naughty in thoughts.

On what number date is it okay to take a phone call during dinner?
Never.

I just started dating a guy who told me he’s cheated on a lot of his past girlfriends, but promises he’s a changed man. I’m worried I’ll always be paranoid about this. Any advice?
Keep away from it. If you’re afraid, you’ve already established that in your mind, so the next pissed-off moment that comes around, you’ll be like, “He’s fucking around on me.”

How should I prepare for getting it on in the kitchen?
Get all the food out and have it all around you. That way it’s there for you when you go at it.

I’m dating a great guy who I’m attracted to — except for his unibrow. Is it kosher to ask him to separate it?
I say pluck ’em if it’s annoying you. And if not, dump him. Pluck or dump.

Albert Simonson, 49

What do you sell here?
Jewelry and bags. My wife makes the jewelry.

Is the holiday market a good place to find love?
If you’re selling, definitely. I meet people every day. If I weren’t married, I’d be meeting them at night too.

What’s the best way to pick up a holiday-market vendor?
Bring them some good hot chocolate.

Have you been naughty or nice this year?
I’ve been more naughty than I’ve ever been before.

Which do you prefer?
Naughty.

On what number date is it okay to take a phone call during dinner?
The second.

I’ve cheated on most of my girlfriends. For some reason, I just can’t stop myself. What can I do?
Keep cheating until you don’t want to cheat anymore. When you finally find yourself in a relationship where you don’t want to cheat, you’ll know you’re in the right relationship.

My girlfriend is best friends with her ex. They hang out all the time, and I can’t help but be suspicious. Are my suspicions valid?
If hanging out with her ex makes her happy, that should be fine with you. Whatever is good for you and your partner as individuals, whatever it is that makes each of you happy yourselves, will also make the relationship better.

What sort of preparation should precede getting it on in the kitchen?
Knives — you need to keep them in a safe place. And make sure you do all the dishes beforehand so they’re out of the way.


Amy Pete, 29

What do you sell here?
Beeswax aromatherapy candles.

Are candles a romantic gift?
You better believe it. The essential oils are a mood enhancer. We have a blend called Sensuality that actually works. I can testify.

Is the holiday market a good place to find love?
I’m not sure if love is what’s here, exactly. I think there’s some good lusting happening here.

So where should I go to find love?
I found love at the grocery store.

Do you flirt with the customers?
I flirt with the grandpas.

Has it ever led anywhere?
Last year I got some cider deliveries. And I got a marriage proposal from an overweight pharmacist who’s come back a couple of times.

What’s the best way to pick up a holiday-market vendor?
Do a drive-by to take requests, then go pick them up something.

Have you been naughty or nice this year?
Nice.

Which works best in bed?
A naughty streak with a nice delivery.

On what number date is it okay to take a phone call during dinner?
Second.

I just got out of a three-year relationship. I’ve been on a few dates since then, and for some reason I can’t maintain an erection. Any suggestions?
I think you should delay entering the bedroom, because you’re obviously not ready to enter your date.

My girlfriend and I are talking about having a threesome. How can we keep it from getting awkward?
Start off with low lighting and a couple of drinks, and keep it at first base the first time.

What should one be careful of when having getting it on in the kitchen?
Burning something. This happens to me. I’ve got something going on the stove, then my boyfriend comes up behind me and he’s mad that I won’t take a minute to make out with him, so I do. Then I turn around and I’m like, “Thanks a lot, now the onions are burned. The broccoli is overcooked.”

Wow. You get it on a lot in the kitchen.
I cook a lot.


Ron Chen, 25, and Donna Mor, 25

What do you sell here?
Ron: Toys, clocks, picture frames, watches, magnets, tons of little stuff.

Is the holiday market a good place to find love?
Donna: Short term, sure. Ron finds love here every day.

What’s the best way to pick up a holiday-market vendor?
Donna: Give them a $150 sale.

I’ve also noticed some strange folks lurking around. Have you ever been hit on by a weirdo here?
Donna: Not hit on, but we see them. We know who you mean.

What would be the best gift for a friend who I want to make more than a friend?
Donna: Tickets to a movie or a concert.

Ron: I think if you want to make them more than a friend, get them a sexual gift. We don’t have anything here that’s freaky enough, I don’t think.

On what number date is it okay to take a phone call during dinner?
Donna: Third.

My girlfriend is best friends with her ex. They hang out all the time, and I can’t help but be suspicious. Are my suspicions valid?
Donna: You’re just being paranoid. If he’s threatened by another girl, he’s a pussy. The answer to all of these questions is trust. If you trust the other person, you don’t have to worry about anything. If you have a bad feeling, you can’t trust them. It all ends up being very simple: you either trust them or you don’t. Listen to your stomach.
 

Interviews by David Callicott. Dating Advice From… appears on Thursdays. Have questions for the general public? Send them to sexadvicefrom@nerve.com.

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