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Sex Advice from . . . a Cuddle Party

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Allison, 26

I’m looking to meet someone special at a cuddle party. What type of pajamas do you recommend?
Cuddle parties are all about the warm fuzzies, both literally and emotionally. Wear something that’s comfortable to wear and nice to touch. I always get jealous of the folks in the PJs that you can’t believe come in adult sizes — nothing says “hold me” like a fleece onesie.

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I’m casually dating a few guys at once. How do I decide who gets the coveted Friday-night spot?
Hold out for the best offers, and you’ll find that certain people emerge as natural go-to lovers. Depending on how well that works out, you may want to clear your Sunday afternoons, too.

I met a med student at a party recently, and I thought we really hit it off, but he said he’d only be able to see me a couple times a month because of his studies. Could this possibly work?
Almost all of my favorite relationships are monthly affairs. As long as you’re not trying to turn him into a live-in boyfriend, consider yourself lucky to have snagged an honest, soon-to-be doctor while keeping yourself unburdened by daily phone check-ins.

I see the same guy on the bus every day. We’ve been engaging in flirtation-by-stare for weeks now. How do I make the first approach?
Meeting a hottie on public transportation is a porno-caliber fantasy shared by all men. You could spit a wad of gum at him and he’d be yours. Maybe just ask what he’s reading.

After bringing home a one-night stand, I sometimes get the urge to serve him lovingly prepared cinnamon toast and fresh-squeezed orange juice the next morning. Is this inappropriate if I’m not looking for anything more serious?
After a night of crazy sex, if the next morning my date presented cinnamon toast and fresh-squeezed O.J., I wouldn’t care if she gave me scabies. Just go heavy on the cinnamon and easy on the “lovingly.”

I get mixed signals from my girlfriend, and it sometimes gets me into trouble. How can I tell when she’s being affectionate because she wants sex, and when she’s just being cuddly?
Next time it happens, sweetly ask, “Do you want me to rub your neck or give you head?”

Claire, 27
http://people.tribe.net/bokomaru

I’m taking my monogamous boyfriend to a cuddle party. What should we discuss before we attend?
What kind of connection is okay? Should you remain a little distant from your non-boyfriend cuddle partners? How is he going to feel if you’re not cuddling with him? How will you feel if he’s snuggly and cute with someone else? Are you both pretty sure of your sexualities? If not, are you at least comfortable with not being sure?

I’m casually dating a few guys at once. How do I decide who gets the coveted Friday-night spot?
Friday night should go to the date with the best social energy. Got one who’d rather stay home and watch a movie? Put them on a weeknight. Friday is for partying, so pick someone who wants to do that with you. Or, if auditions float your boat, that could be fun. You could invite some friends over to help with the judging.

As someone who’s protective of her solitude, how can I ease the transition to living with my significant other?
Find a spot or a time that’s just yours. Maybe you could say, “My morning coffee will be jealous if I try to spend time with you while I’m drinking it.” However, make sure you don’t spend all your time alone. Have meals together. Brush your teeth together. Snuggle in the morning sun together. Pat him on your way to get coffee.

I see the same guy on the bus every day. We’ve been engaging in flirtation-by-stare for weeks now. How do I make the first approach?
“Mind if I sit here?” Sit. Introduce yourself. Chat. Smile. Or you could write a note, catch his eye as you leave the bus and pass it to him. “Dear Cute Bus Guy. I like you. Do you like me? Yes ( ). No ( ). xoxo.”

I’m looking to meet someone special at a cuddle party. What type of pajamas do you recommend?
To show your sense of humor, I’d throw on some pigtails and funny slippers. Hello Kitty comes to mind.

How can my significant other and I reinvigorate our sex life?
Whips, ropes, chocolate syrup. Or better yet: communication, communication, communication.


Steve, 29

How can I get rid of a blind date as quickly as possible without being rude?
Define rude. If you’re not having a good time, you can politely inform the other party that you’re going home. It’s probably best to wait till after you’re done eating and offer to pay the tab, but honesty isn’t rude. It’s honest. Stringing someone along — that’s rude.

I plan on dragging my monogamous boyfriend to a cuddle party. What should we discuss before we attend?
If he’s jealous or insecure, you’ll probably have to put a lot of effort into reassuring him, and deal with the occasional flare-up. Talk about if you both need to be in the same pile to cuddle, and what the ground rules for kissing will be. You should also have the “cuddling isn’t a threat to our relationship” discussion.

I’m looking to meet someone special at a cuddle party. What type of pajamas do you recommend?
The thing that can set you leagues apart is old-school popular culture: a small-sized ThunderCats shirt, a Care Bears pajama set, Wonder Woman Underoos if you don’t mind showing some leg. Things of that nature.

I’m casually dating a few guys at once. How do I decide who gets the coveted Friday-night spot?
There’s a variety of ways to decide who gets the spot: who’s cutest, who’s got the best date idea, who can spend the most on the date, who you feel like being around, etc.

I have a crush on this guy at work, but his demeanor is always all business. How can I make him see me as something more than a business associate?
Study him. Find out his interests, then find an event that he’d enjoy that doesn’t have anything remotely to do with work.


Elizabeth, 36
http://sexinthepublicsquare.org

I’m looking to meet someone special at a cuddle party. What type of pajamas do you recommend?
I’m the last person who should be giving advice on what to wear. I’ve created a limited wardrobe for myself so I don’t have to make such choices, and I still agonize. My advice: wear something you feel sexy and comfortable in. Your fuzzy Cookie Monster pants might be a huge hit.

I plan on taking my monogamous boyfriend to a cuddle party. What should we discuss before we attend?
Make sure your desires are compatible with your boyfriend’s. If you each want different things out of the party, that’s fine, so long as your getting what you want doesn’t prevent him from enjoying what he wants, and so long as neither of your desires would break up the relationship. The first time I went to a sex party with a partner we agreed that we would go to watch and to play together, and not play with other people. We’d see how we felt, discuss the party afterwards, and then make a new plan for the second party. It’s better to start slow and have time to ramp things up than to start fast and find your relationship has hit the wall at a hundred miles per hour.

I’m casually dating a few guys at once. How do I decide who gets the coveted Friday-night spot?
Why not a rotating schedule? You know, Jane on the first Friday of every month, Ed on the second, Dan and Sally on the third. Or figure out who’s best for different kinds of things. Jane might be more of a brunch-and-museum kind of date, while Ed might be a dinner-and-movie kind of date, and Dan and Sally might be a lets-play-in-bed-all-afternoon kind of date.

How can my significant other and I reinvigorate our sex life?
Inviting new people into your sexual relationship can liven things up, but sometimes in unpredictable and not-always-happy ways. Polyamory and swinging are both exciting, but also complicated, and I would never suggest bringing in new partners as the first thing to try. That said, if it’s something you’re both inclined to think about, you might find that just having the conversations about it are pretty “reinvigorating” in and of themselves.

I have a crush on this guy at work, but his demeanor is always all business. How can I make him see me as something more than a business associate?
Don’t workplace attractions always seem more compelling because of how difficult they are to manage? If this guy is “all business,” I’d let it rest there. Enjoy your crush and let it spark some intense fantasizing, but don’t go disrupting the cubicle peace.

After bringing a guy home for a one-night stand, I sometimes get the urge to serve him lovingly prepared cinnamon toast and fresh-squeezed orange juice the next morning. Is this inappropriate if I’m not looking for anything more serious?
By “lovingly prepared,” I assume you mean dripping the butter on his chest, dusting him with cinnamon and then dragging the toast across his body before offering to share it with him. If such treatment scares him off, you probably didn’t want to keep hanging out with him in the first place.
 

Interviews by Steph Auteri. Sex Advice From… appears on Thursdays. Have questions for the general public? Send them to sexadvicefrom@nerve.com.

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