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Sex Advice from . . . Amateur Wrestlers

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Johnny Cockstrong, 23

What’s the best way to hook up with a wrestler?
For girls, I would suggest taking an interest in wrestling. That way the guy knows you’re serious about what he does. Also, if you beat him in wrestling it will intimidate him, but not in a bad way. If you beat a guy wrestling, or at least put up a really good fight, it’ll show you’re competitive.

How can I challenge my boyfriend to a sexy wrestling match?
Be the aggressor. When you would normally instigate a night of romance, challenge him to the bed instead — kind of a “king of the hill of the bed” — by seeing who can stay on the bed the longest. You’ll surely end up getting into a few different holds, grappling and throwing each other on and off the bed.

How do you handle a post-coital fart?
Just embrace it. There’s no point in ignoring the fact that we’re all people and everyone farts. But it’s good you saved it for the end.

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I accidentally slept with my good friend while we were drunk. How can we move on with our friendship?
You have to admit it happened and move on from there. Take it head on, just like the fart. Treat post-coital farts like friends who hook up while drinking. They both happen.

What’s the secret to looking good in spandex?
Make sure it’s tailored right so that you fill it out, and pick colors that suit you. But the most important thing is to be comfortable with what you’re wearing. If you’re not comfortable, you’re not going to look like you’re having a good time.

After how many dates should I assume my new partner and I are being exclusive with each other?
Four, but I’d advocate open dialogue about it.

Assuming they’re equally nearby, where is a better place to have a one-night stand, yours or theirs?
Their place. That way they don’t know where you live.

Bridezilla, 25
Bridezilla
What wrestling move can be used in the bedroom?
The Cable Clutch. You have somebody lying on the mat on their stomach, and you lift them up by their chin. See, I’m thinking about this like I’m a dude, because I keep thinking about where I could put my dick. Or there’s the Birthing Flip: you put your head inside someone else’s crotch, and your opponent puts her head inside your crotch, and then you roll over. The Birthing Flip is probably the sexiest lesbo wrestling move.

How can I engage my boyfriend in a rough, sexy wrestling match?
As soon as he walks through the door, throw a bag over his head and trip him. Once he’s on the mat, have your friend ring a bell and start going.

What’s the secret to looking good in spandex?
Not giving a shit.

I want to wear something sexy and revealing for my boyfriend, but I’m a big girl. What’ll work with my curves in a flattering way?
A valkyrie costume. You know, with the horns on your head and the cone bra and the long, blonde braids. Valkyries are always big, busty ladies. Or you could be sexy cavewoman. Any sort of fantasy role-playing suits curvaceous body types. It shows that you have confidence in yourself, that you’re willing to put on knee-high boots and a cape and be like, “Let’s get it on.”

What’s the best way to pick up a wrestler?
Tell her she can leave her mask on.

Assuming they’re equally nearby, where’s a better place to have a one-night stand, yours or theirs?
Their place. Because you can be like, “That was fun, I gotta go.” It’s like when you were in middle school and you’d be on the phone with somebody, and they’d be watching TV while on the line with you, and you really wanted to hang up, but every thirty minutes they’d say something else and you couldn’t hang up or else you’d feel rude. It’s like that. You want to kick them out of your house, but you don’t want to be rude. Do it at their house so you can just leave and you don’t have to be like, “McDonald’s is around the corner. Peace. See you later.”

After how many dates should I assume my new partner and I are being exclusive?
If it’s one date every six months, that’s still pretty random. But if it’s six dates in a row, followed by six more dates in a row, followed by six more dates in a row, it’s pretty safe to assume you’re exclusive.

Red Rover, 31

Red Rover
I want to wear something sexy and revealing to bed for my boyfriend, but I’m a big girl. Any tips for sexy bedroom wear that will work with my curves in a flattering way?
Anything you wear with confidence, anything you believe you look good in. Sometimes just a tiara and a T-shirt is enough. Wear whatever you think is sexy and work it.

What wrestling moves can be used in the bedroom?
A traditional pin would be handy. A lot of the moves we do are fake moves, like rolling over with another person. It depends on how matched you are with your partner in strength and size. And with some people it’s easier to move. It’s definitely easier to throw a girl around than a guy.

Now, you guys use Jell-O. Would you recommend using Jell-O at home?
Never. The Jell-O we use is almost all water. It’s called a polymer. It’s actually really cool. It has no color and no sugar at all, so essentially you’re just wrestling in solid water, and when you get out you’re wet, but not too wet, because it’s like lots of little sponges. There are many different products out there. A lot of people wrestle in normal Jell-O, which is horrible, because prep time is really long, and the color dyes people and costumes. There’s this online store that sells colored gelatin, but again, it’s such a huge mess. Unless you’re doing it in the backyard, like in a backyard barbeque setting, I wouldn’t use anything. It’s one thing to put a dollop of chocolate syrup on your partner — it’s another to dye the whole house red.

What are some good guidelines to keeping a wrestling game safe and fun?
Start in bed. That’s a good place not to get hurt. But really, if you’re doing something with a partner it’s just about communicating. Like, somehow signal to the person before you’re about to flip them over as opposed to just kneeing them in the head.

What’s the best way to hook up with a wrestler?
I’m still working on that. Flirting works well. Our show is really about the sense of humor. The guys we hang out with afterward are the ones who think it’s funny. They’re not being overly sexual about it. It can be really easy to ogle the event, so I’ll tell my guy friends, “Just be cool. Be as cool as you can possibly be talking to this girl whose bikini is falling off.”

Assuming they’re equally nearby, where is a better place to have a one-night stand, yours or theirs?
Most of the women I know pretty much are always at their [own] place. If you go to someone else’s place, it puts you in a different situation. Girls are more specific about clothes and showers and whatnot.

I’m a girl, and a good guy friend of mine recently confessed his love for me while drunk. He doesn’t seem to remember, but I’d be open to dating him. How do I handle this?
Girls are good at dropping hints. Create a scenario where you guys are alone together, and even if it’s not a date, just like touch his arm, or hold his hand — you know, little stuff. If you want to show someone you’re interested in them, any physical contact changes the relationship.

Stella, 27

Stella I want to wear something sexy and revealing to bed for my boyfriend, but I’m a big girl. What sexy bedroom wear will work with my curves?
Get something that showcases your boobs. Anything superhero-esque is definitely sexy. You want to go for a little Wonder Woman or Super Girl vibe.

What wrestling move can be used in the bedroom?
I made up a move called the Lotus. It’s a pin. I wrap my legs around the person in such a way that my feet pin their shoulders to the ground.

I’m a girl, and a guy I’ve been friends with for a long time recently confessed his love for me while he was really drunk. He doesn’t remember it, but I’d be open to dating him. How do I handle this?
I’m the kind of girl who likes to make jokes, so I’d probably joke about it at first and say, “Hey, remember when you told me you loved me? That was fun.” If he still doesn’t remember, I don’t think it’s going to go anywhere.

After how many dates should I assume my new partner and I are being exclusive with each other?
That’s just a conversation that needs to be had, and that conversation should be had after about ten dates.

What’s the secret to looking good in spandex?
When you’re in Jell-O, you look good in anything.
 

Interviews by Tanya O’Debra. Sex Advice From… appears on Thursdays. Have questions for the general public? Send them to sexadvicefrom@nerve.com.

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