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Sex Advice From Amy Schumer
Unfiltered advice from the woman who made Charlie Sheen blush.
by Carrie Dennis
The very funny, very raw Amy Schumer was launched into the public eye after a particularly scathing joke she made about Steve-O and Ryan Dunn at the Comedy Central Roast of Charlie Sheen, and she's making the best of it: her new special, Mostly Sex Stuff, premieres this Saturday at 11 p.m. ET on Comedy Central.
How has being a female comedian in the public eye changed your dating life?
Now, after I have sex with someone, they'll ask, "You’re not going to talk about this on stage, are you?" So it hasn’t really deterred people, but it’s definitely made them question things afterwards.
You have a line in your stand up that talks about sleeping with a high-school crush, and who is... presently in high school. How young is too young?
I think if they can read, then it’s probably fine. I’ve actually never dated anyone younger than me. I’ve slept with a couple guys younger than me, but never dated anyone.
John Oliver told us that touring as a stand-up comic is really lonely. Do you find this to be true? How has touring impacted your dating and sex life?
I think it’s different for a girl. I’ve never hooked up with anyone on the road. And I bring my best friend with me. Jackie Monahan.
What is an Amy Schumer groupie like?
Usually a slightly overweight lesbian.
What’s the best way for a fan to hit on you?
Your dad's cousin is New York Senator Chuck Schumer. Compare your groupies with his.
Most of my groupies don’t speak English.
How do you deal with negative comments, like via Twitter or during a roast?
If you look right now at my Twitter, it’s ninety-nine percent really nice about me. And as for the other ones, I’m not going to be for everybody. Nothing that’s been said on a roast has hurt my feelings.
Let's pretend you, Louis C.K., and Sarah Silverman, are all single, and you all go drinking together. Who's most likely to end up in a cab with a stranger by the end of the night?
Louis. Sarah doesn’t drink at all. I would get tired early and go home. Louis is so curious I think he would probably be the one to go home with a stranger.
I'm in my late twenties, and it feels like all of my friends are getting married. I feel pressure to start looking for someone, but I'm not sure marriage is all it's cracked up to be. Should I be worried?
You’re going to die alone like the rest of us. No, I think it doesn’t matter. Even if you and someone else lie to each other right now and say you’re gonna be together forever, but you can’t, like, affect destiny. Wait until you find someone you want to be with and marry them for a couple years.
I’m dating a guy who I’m really attracted to, but the sex so far has turned out to be awful. What should I do?
Give it a chance for it to get better. If it doesn’t, you've got to jump ship. There are other cocks in the sea.
Want to find an acerbic stand-up comic of your very own? Meet them on Nerve.