Sex Advice From Andrew W.K.

"If 'the Andrew W.K.' was a sex position, what would it look like?" "Something like a seizure."

by Alex Heigl

You're touring for the tenth anniversary of your debut album, I Get Wet. In what way is keeping a ten-year-old album alive like keeping a ten-year-old relationship alive?
Well, that's what I love about recorded songs, they don't change. You can change, and your perception of them can change, but the songs never change. Bob Dylan famously said that he'll never play a song the same way twice, but I think there's something very powerful about playing a song exactly the same way every time — it creates stability. Which you also need in a relationship.

You do a lot of DJ sets. What would you say is the difference in sex appeal between a DJ and a lead singer?
Well, traditionally, a DJ’s role is a lot more low-key, almost to the point of anonymity, which I respect and appreciate a great deal. I think it's a little bit less risky — you're not laying yourself on the line quite as much, but people are still relying on you for a good time. 

If "the Andrew W.K." were a sex position, what would it look like?
[long pause] I think something like a seizure. Almost kind of unpleasant. I remember actually very early on, I was playing in San Francisco, at the Fillmore, opening for the Foo Fighters. And after the show, there were two women who were professional exotic adult-industry workers, and one of them approached me and said, "If you have that much energy onstage, you must really be something in bed." And I was completely freaked out by that, but also kind of amazed that she would equate what I do onstage with sex at all.  

Before you got married, what was the best way to seduce you?
Candy or breads.

I used to hook up with girls all the time — one-night stands, friends of friends, you name it. Now I'm more settled, but recently, I realized I haven't been with anyone in nearly a year. Have I lost my sex drive?
You're simply building, building, and building up to the greatest sexual explosion you've ever had. Why not wait ten years? Imagine that climax! Never feel pressure to do anything you don't feel like doing. Just because it's different from your old behavior or other people's sex schedules doesn't mean it's wrong. You don't eat food when you don't feel like it. You don't have sex when you don't feel like it.

I'm dating a guy who refuses to give up on his dreams of rock stardom. While it's admirable in a way, I need a little bit more stability if we're going to make this work. How can I gently break this to him?
Don't you dare say anything to him about giving up his dream. You're not the right person for him. Never ask someone to give up on their dream just so you can feel more stable. It's his choice and his choice alone, no matter how ridiculous his dream may seem to you, or to society, or even to himself. Dreams make humans into self-realized individuals. Your only responsibility is to love everything about him, including his dreams. The idea of "making this work" sounds more like a way to make his life more boring and predictable. At worst, it's a genuine sadistic desire to control someone else because your own life feels out of control — or a cruel need to dominate and break someone's spirit for the sake of your own peace of mind. Look for stability and peace of mind inside yourself, and not in your relationships or the dreams of others.

I’m dating a girl who I’m really attracted to, but the sex so far has turned out to be awful.  What should I do?
Stop having sex with her.

I'm in my late twenties, and it feels like all of my friends are getting married. I haven't even been in a serious relationship since I graduated college! I feel pressure to start looking for someone, but I'm not sure marriage is all it's cracked up to be. Should I be worried?
No! Never worry about stuff like this. It's like worrying about getting old. Or worrying about dying in a plane crash. Just do whatever you want and whatever feels right. When you feel like marrying someone, it'll be as primal and undeniable as having to go to the bathroom. Until your body and soul are telling you to go, just hold it. Marrying for the sake of getting married doesn't usually seem to go well. And going to the bathroom when you don't have to is just odd.

My girlfriend and I have a generally good relationship, but I have a bit of a wandering eye. I want to focus on her and try to be monogamous. Any tips for a happy sex life with just one woman?
Having a wandering eye isn't the same as cheating. It seems healthy to be attracted to others and look at others and enjoy their beauty. The idea of monogamy to me is that you're making a promise not to have intimate physical relations with someone else; it doesn't mean you turn off your attraction to others or deny your human sexual nature. Enjoy the power of sexual attraction and use it to energize your other pursuits in life. You can also use it to energize your promise to the person you're monogamous with. You're giving your word to that person and to yourself. Going against your word doesn't just hurt them — it also hurts you. It damages your own integrity and the power of your word. But if you really like having lots of sex with other people, just don't promise not to.

Need someone to go to Andrew's tenth-anniversary tour for I Get Wet with? Try Nerve Dating.

Commentarium (26 Comments)

Feb 29 12 - 2:14am

Wow this was all really solid advice.

Feb 29 12 - 10:36pm

Seriously good!

Apr 02 12 - 1:52am

Such great advice. Shocking. I want to listen to is music now.

Feb 29 12 - 8:41am

Yeah, I don't know anything about this guy's music, but his advice was some of the best I've read here. The answer to the girl who didn't believe in her boyfriend's rock star dreams was excellent. I wouldn't be surprised if he's a practicing Buddhist, since his advice is right in line with the Dharma.

Feb 29 12 - 10:36am

I Get Wet is the single greatest album of the 00's.

Feb 29 12 - 1:31pm

Damn you Andrew WK...I didn't like your music 10 years ago, but your advice makes me kind of think youre pretty smart and down to earth which is incredibly attractive.

Feb 29 12 - 2:21pm

I went to one of his motivational talks a year ago and it was amazing. His advice is really universal and a great pick me up. I wonder what he does when he his sad?

Feb 29 12 - 4:12pm

He stops being sad and is awesome instead. True story.

Mar 01 12 - 6:00pm

wow...really? unimaginative

Jun 14 12 - 11:26am
post crunk

HQs story was funny and interesting. Your comment was snooty and stuck up. In other words, not awesome.

Feb 29 12 - 5:08pm

Regardless of what you think of his music, his concerts are f'n rad!

Feb 29 12 - 6:26pm

Wow. With this and his Christmas songs at the Onion A.V. Club, I can safely say I am a huge Andrew W.K. fan and I've never actually heard anything he's written. That last answer is so much more sensible than the "I am not monogamous and therefore monogamy is impossible" stuff Dan Savage has been touting for the last couple of years...

Mar 01 12 - 1:27am


Mar 01 12 - 3:46pm

to be fair, DS never says that monogamy is impossible. He repeats over and over that if you make a monogamous commitment, you gotta be monogamous (even if you still enjoy checking out other people). He just also says that if you can't be monogamous, then you need to be upfront and make a non-monogamous commitment, rather than lie and pretend that you're monogamous when you're actually cheating all the time.

Feb 29 12 - 7:15pm

yeah, it's kinda refreshing to hear someone not shoot down monogamy.

Feb 29 12 - 7:18pm

yea I agree with everyone. This surprised me. Your advice is like advice I would give myself to others. Good job

Feb 29 12 - 8:39pm

I only clicked on this to kill a few seconds before doing useful shit and now I feel genuinely advised. Thank you! I may quote your bathroom analogy to friends, acquaintances and puzzled passers-by.

Mar 01 12 - 2:03am

I would love to go to one of his talks, he seems like such a genuine human being :)

Mar 01 12 - 2:32am

Yep, there's a consensus. He's pretty much impossible to dislike. In the last couple years I've heard a few people mention the awesomeness of Andrew W. K. I vaguely remembered his bloody, sweaty image and thought "ew". But recently I've been totally charmed. Great advice!

Mar 01 12 - 3:56pm

How on earth did the above comment get past the data capture thing? Oh well. I also want to sing Andrew W.K.'s praises here for his sensible, chilled out, sane advice. Give the man a column!

Mar 01 12 - 6:09pm

seconded! i would read his advice all the time.

Mar 07 12 - 5:24pm

W.K. has some excilent advice, i wouldnt mind grabbing a beer with him and asking him some questions and pick his brain on things. well done man

Mar 07 12 - 6:08pm

He needs his own advice column. I expected lame answers, but this was some good stuff!

Mar 15 12 - 3:42pm

i think ive just become a fan....

Mar 19 12 - 3:50pm

Very informative information.... I spent most of my time contemplating on the R&R dream story.... I am a singer who is following my dream and am in a relationship (just opposite the sexes)...My husband of 6 years believes I am a fool for following my dreams and wasting my own money on the trips to LA... I have the support of 2 states backing me up on this, but his lack of support is mind blowing.... I feel that either he can support my dreams or eat my dust!!! Thank you for giving this story light in the darkness of other peoples UN-pleasantries, failures, disapproval... and for that you shine!!!! Thank You!!!

Jul 03 12 - 2:39pm

spot on with this advice, andrew
wish i'd heard it years ago
getting a divorce from a man i didn't have the primal urge to marry --- i just did it
he's handsome -- women fawn over him-- but there was never any spark
next time i'll wait for that primal...undeniable...urge