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Sex Advice From Andrew W.K.
"If 'the Andrew W.K.' was a sex position, what would it look like?" "Something like a seizure."
by Alex Heigl
You're touring for the tenth anniversary of your debut album, I Get Wet. In what way is keeping a ten-year-old album alive like keeping a ten-year-old relationship alive?
Well, that's what I love about recorded songs, they don't change. You can change, and your perception of them can change, but the songs never change. Bob Dylan famously said that he'll never play a song the same way twice, but I think there's something very powerful about playing a song exactly the same way every time — it creates stability. Which you also need in a relationship.
You do a lot of DJ sets. What would you say is the difference in sex appeal between a DJ and a lead singer?
Well, traditionally, a DJ’s role is a lot more low-key, almost to the point of anonymity, which I respect and appreciate a great deal. I think it's a little bit less risky — you're not laying yourself on the line quite as much, but people are still relying on you for a good time.
If "the Andrew W.K." were a sex position, what would it look like?
[long pause] I think something like a seizure. Almost kind of unpleasant. I remember actually very early on, I was playing in San Francisco, at the Fillmore, opening for the Foo Fighters. And after the show, there were two women who were professional exotic adult-industry workers, and one of them approached me and said, "If you have that much energy onstage, you must really be something in bed." And I was completely freaked out by that, but also kind of amazed that she would equate what I do onstage with sex at all.
Before you got married, what was the best way to seduce you?
Candy or breads.
I used to hook up with girls all the time — one-night stands, friends of friends, you name it. Now I'm more settled, but recently, I realized I haven't been with anyone in nearly a year. Have I lost my sex drive?
You're simply building, building, and building up to the greatest sexual explosion you've ever had. Why not wait ten years? Imagine that climax! Never feel pressure to do anything you don't feel like doing. Just because it's different from your old behavior or other people's sex schedules doesn't mean it's wrong. You don't eat food when you don't feel like it. You don't have sex when you don't feel like it.
I'm dating a guy who refuses to give up on his dreams of rock stardom. While it's admirable in a way, I need a little bit more stability if we're going to make this work. How can I gently break this to him?
Don't you dare say anything to him about giving up his dream. You're not the right person for him. Never ask someone to give up on their dream just so you can feel more stable. It's his choice and his choice alone, no matter how ridiculous his dream may seem to you, or to society, or even to himself. Dreams make humans into self-realized individuals. Your only responsibility is to love everything about him, including his dreams. The idea of "making this work" sounds more like a way to make his life more boring and predictable. At worst, it's a genuine sadistic desire to control someone else because your own life feels out of control — or a cruel need to dominate and break someone's spirit for the sake of your own peace of mind. Look for stability and peace of mind inside yourself, and not in your relationships or the dreams of others.
I’m dating a girl who I’m really attracted to, but the sex so far has turned out to be awful. What should I do?
Stop having sex with her.
I'm in my late twenties, and it feels like all of my friends are getting married. I haven't even been in a serious relationship since I graduated college! I feel pressure to start looking for someone, but I'm not sure marriage is all it's cracked up to be. Should I be worried?
No! Never worry about stuff like this. It's like worrying about getting old. Or worrying about dying in a plane crash. Just do whatever you want and whatever feels right. When you feel like marrying someone, it'll be as primal and undeniable as having to go to the bathroom. Until your body and soul are telling you to go, just hold it. Marrying for the sake of getting married doesn't usually seem to go well. And going to the bathroom when you don't have to is just odd.
My girlfriend and I have a generally good relationship, but I have a bit of a wandering eye. I want to focus on her and try to be monogamous. Any tips for a happy sex life with just one woman?
Having a wandering eye isn't the same as cheating. It seems healthy to be attracted to others and look at others and enjoy their beauty. The idea of monogamy to me is that you're making a promise not to have intimate physical relations with someone else; it doesn't mean you turn off your attraction to others or deny your human sexual nature. Enjoy the power of sexual attraction and use it to energize your other pursuits in life. You can also use it to energize your promise to the person you're monogamous with. You're giving your word to that person and to yourself. Going against your word doesn't just hurt them — it also hurts you. It damages your own integrity and the power of your word. But if you really like having lots of sex with other people, just don't promise not to.