Sex Advice From Anthrax

"Everybody had their fun in the '80s..."

By Peter Smith

'80s thrash legends Anthrax have reunited with original singer Joey Belladonna and just released Worship Music, their first studio album in eight years. They're considered one of the "Big Four" of thrash metal, along with Megadeth, Slayer, and Metallica; the four bands, once rivals, have played several stadium shows together in the past two years, including a colossal show at Yankee Stadium last month.

I'm dating a guy who's awesome in almost every way, but he hates metal. You should see his face when I put on Live After Death in the car. How seriously should I take this?
Charlie Benante [drums]: At a certain point, it's going to reach a point where you will say these words: "What do we have in common?"And music is always such a big thing because it takes up a good part of your life, whether it's listening to it or going to shows. If he can't hang with that, he's not the right person for you.
Frank Bello [bass]: I don't know if you guys are compatible. Metal is life, isn't it?

That is often held to be true.
FB: Yeah, so, for me, my wife likes metal, but she doesn't live on metal, you know? It can work, but it's got to be a compromise. If you can have other things in common, that can work, but if the other things aren't working, that's telling you something.

You know, I was just reading Dave Mustaine's memoir, and he says his wife never liked metal in general or Megadeth in specific.
CB: That's not a good thing.

There's this girl I really like, but once we got in the sack, the sex turned out to be awful. What should I do?
CB: There are so many different answers to that. One answer is give her money for cab fare and see her on her way. But if you really like the girl...
FB: Watch some porn! Honestly — you want to know the truth? If she's really bad, porn can help her learn. If you can learn some good moves, why not?

I've been dating my boyfriend for years, and he's always had dreams of becoming famous with his garage band from high school. I feel like it's time for him to give up and make music a side project. How can I approach this topic?
CB: You've got to approach it delicately, of course. I think you need to address it like, "Look, I think you're so talented, but the other people around you are just not cutting it and I hate to see you waste more time with it."

Blame the rest of the band, you'd say.
CB: Of course.
FB: I don't think you should stand in the way of anybody's dreams. If it's a real relationship, you've got to support them, no matter what. A big part of a relationship is to support the person to the fullest you can. There's no me-me-me. 

We're visiting my boyfriend's parents for a week. What are some ground rules we should set for having sex in their house?
CB: Bring your own locks. Install sensors so that if someone comes down the hallway a light goes on in the room.
FB: You've got to be really quiet. No moaning. It's going to be fun, but get ready to bite that pillow. Have some respect, and don't be screaming, because then you will get busted. It's definitely going to be fun if you know how to do it.
CB: Also, you can try to send the parents on their way somewhere — get them to go out to dinner.

When I was listening to Among the Living in high school, I didn't think I would ever be asking you these questions.
FB: It's kind of great! It's a complete change of pace!

I'm dating a girl who likes it rough, but I feel weird being overly aggressive during sex. How can I relax and enjoy it more?
CB: You can't adapt to it? Stop being a fuckin' pussy and man up!
FB: Make her lead the charge — ask her what she wants. What's too much, and what's too little. Let her give you direction. 

Commentarium (7 Comments)

Oct 07 11 - 2:09am
NuckingFuts

Anthrax fuckin rules!!! Love this!!!!!

Oct 07 11 - 9:35am
JCF

Ha, the Metal version of the Bat-Phone. "Yes, Commissioner Hammett? Yankee Stadium? We're on our way!"

Oct 07 11 - 10:56am
faulknersaysrelax

that thing about Mustaine's drummer is priceless.

Oct 07 11 - 12:11pm
dave1976

This is awesome. They're playing Chicago in about a week, and I was on the fence about going...but this might have just tipped the scales. I really wish they'd bring a big four show to chicago.

Oct 07 11 - 2:47pm
Ta

Jeff Buckley biopic. This is why I read everything on nerve.

Oct 08 11 - 12:38am
hint

Yes. I don't know why people don't listen to metal.

Oct 10 11 - 1:52pm
b

Sucks that shitty ass Metallica calls the shots....