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Sex Advice from . . . Astrologers

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Aura Galadriel Wright, 34
www.astrologychick.com

Where can I meet hot astrologers?
Yoga classes or metaphysical bookstores. Stay away from the ones who hang out in ashrams, they’re usually sexually dysfunctional or seeking a substitute father figure.

My girlfriend wants sex much more than I do. It’s starting to cause a rift in our relationship. What can we do?
Usually one partner is more physical, and the other is more emotional. It sounds like your girlfriend is the physical type. She probably feels the need for even more sex precisely because you aren’t so available. Get her more involved with the emotional aspects of sex by rubbing her heart in a clockwise motion, and staring deeply into her eyes when you can devote time to making love. This will reassure her you care.

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I’m a Capricorn, and my new boyfriend is an Aries. Our personalities are very different — he’s spacey and social, I’m isolated and morose. Does our relationship have a chance?
Sun-sign astrology isn’t going to make or break your relationship. I wrote an article on this for my website, titled "Sun Sign Astrology Sucks". The biggest problem between Capricorn and Aries is that the relationship has two leaders and no followers. This incompatibility can be overcome if you have other good aspects between you, like harmony between Venus and Mars and the Sun and Moon. The real question is, do you both feel like it’s worth it?

My psychologist girlfriend refuses to have sex with the lights on. What can I do to encourage her?
If she’s a Virgo, like a lot of mental-health professionals are, then insist she is perfect, and prove it to her by taking a mirror and showing her what you see when you look at her. A lot of people go into the healing professions because they need some healing themselves. She clearly has body issues, or fears about sex. Make it clear that you love her and think she’s a beautiful goddess.

What advice can you give me for performing oral sex on a woman?
I’ve never done it, but my boyfriend claims that he learned everything he knows by watching lesbian porn, and he’s very good. I think noticing when her eyes roll back in her head makes for a safe bet that you’re on to a technique she likes.

Do different astrological signs tend to like it different ways?
Water and earth signs tend to like it slow and sensual with lots of caressing. Fire and air signs are more likely to want fantasy, costumes and athleticism.

Jeffrey Kishner, 36
www.jeffreykishner.com

Recently my partner told me he slept with a prostitute at the beginning of our relationship. Even though we weren’t exclusive at that point, I’m repulsed and can’t get it out of my head — especially when we sleep together. What should I do?
Ask him what was going on at that time in his life. What drove him to see a prostitute? Maybe there was a fantasy or dynamic he could play out with her that he didn’t feel he could fulfill otherwise. The best way for you to move away from repulsion is to experience empathy for his situation.

I’m a Capricorn and my boyfriend is an Aries. We have very different personalities. Can our relationship survive?
Aries and Capricorn are not terribly compatible sun signs. Aries is an impulsive fire sign, and Capricorn is a more cautious, conservative earth sign. What you’ve got in common is a natural ability to lead and initiate. It’s likely your boyfriend will get things moving and eventually lose interest, and you’ll work hard to keep the momentum going. But you can temper his overzealousness, and he can bring some much-needed excitement into your life. The conflict could be good for sex. Still, compatibility is based on much more than sun signs. You’d have to compare all the planets in your chart to all his planets to get the whole story.

My Scorpio boyfriend gets overexcited and climaxes fast. How can I delay him?
Scorpios love control, so I would suggest he practice delay techniques on his own time.

I’m a forty-two-year-old woman dating a twenty-year-old man. None of my friends understand it, but our connection is real. Are we bound for disaster?
It’s not necessarily bound for disaster. Your connection can transcend your age difference. If I were in your shoes, I might fear he would wander as you get older. It doesn’t matter if your friends don’t understand it — if you two are together long enough, they’ll start to take your mutual attraction as a given.

I’m a guy in a great new relationship. Our sex life is fine, but I can’t stop looking at porn. I watch movies or download photos for a couple of hours every day. I know it bothers my girlfriend, but I can’t seem to stop.
There are multiple solutions here. You can treat it as an addiction, and attend twelve-step groups like Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous. Or you can also analyze the contents of the porn you view. What turns you on? Eros is deeply entwined with psychological issues of power, nurturance, trust. Perhaps you’re sexualizing a core conflict in your life.


Lorraine Valente, 48

www.fuchsiastars.com


Since the birth of our daughter a few months ago, my wife has lost interest in sex. She says it’s partly due to stress, and partly that she doesn’t like how her body has changed since childbirth. How can I help her ease back into it?
Been there, done that. I’m a very sexual person, but after the birth of my daughter, I was so sore that I didn’t want to be touched down there. Lots of women don’t feel desirable or attractive after childbirth, our bodies are so misshapen. Men don’t get it — it’s like having major surgery. It’s important for you to nurture, not to get upset and to do things slowly. Women respond to touch. Use caresses, hugs and kisses. Try to help her feel desirable, and remind her that it’s temporary.

My new boyfriend claims to have been with between sixty and a hundred women, which seems like too many. It makes me uncomfortable. How can I get past this?
The deal is, men lie. If he says that he’s been with sixty to a hundred, let’s cut that in half, then cut it in half again. He might be exaggerating, he might not have gone all the way with some of those women. I understand why she would feel uncomfortable; it would make me uncomfortable too. But she should keep it in mind that whatever he told her probably isn’t the truth.

My boyfriend doesn’t know I’ve never had a real orgasm with him. Is it wrong to keep faking?
Well, yeah. How is he ever going to know what turns you on if you pretend that everything does? Guys are a little stupid in this area, but when he finds out, he’s going to feel embarrassed and betrayed. He probably won’t be able to get it up with you anymore.

What if I’ve never had an orgasm?
Okay, if you’ve never had an orgasm, why is that? We all masturbate. If you haven’t ever masturbated, it’s possible that there are issues about feeling pleasure that need to be addressed. If you feel undeserving of pleasure, we need to understand why. If that isn’t the reason, if you just haven’t experimented, then it’s time to start.

I’m a forty-two-year-old woman dating a twenty-year-old man. None of my friends understand it, but our connection is real. Are we bound for disaster?
As an astrologer, I know that between the forty-second to forty-fourth year, there’s [a planetary transition] called Transiting Uranus. It’s about change, freedom and independence. It’s called an opposition; it’s like a tug of war. It happens in every person’s chart — that’s why you see lots of affairs and divorces around that age. It’s very common for women, during that time, to meet someone younger. It happened to me! Women that age are in their sexual prime. And twenty-year-olds? All they think about is sex.

I’m not going to say this is bound for disaster, but it might be about lust more than love. It’s a growth relationship where each party is exploring their sexual nature. Will it last? Probably not, which is okay. Not all of our relationships are meant to last, but all of them are meant to teach us something. As for your friends, I’d tell them, “none of your business.”

Neil D. Paris, 29
www.newworldastrology.com

My new partner claims to have been with between sixty and a hundred women. This makes me uncomfortable. How can I get past this?
They say astrologers are number crunchers. Every day we deal with birth dates. I barely even take note of someone’s age anymore — I’ve read for eighty-year-old women who can’t get over their childlike, selfish sides, and for eighteen-year-old boys who have the wisdom of an old, sage soul. So get over it. Your partner may have traversed the globe sexually, but he finally landed on your runway. If that’s not flattery, what is?

My girlfriend refuses to have sex with the lights on. How can I encourage her?
The placement of Venus and Mars in our birth charts shows us what we like in bed. And that’s where many of us differ: some of us don’t even like it in bed. People born with Venus in Sagittarius, for example, prefer a hiking trail, park, bathroom, plane, car — you name it. Venus in Aries aren’t so bothered, either. They want instant gratification. So forcing her to enjoy sex with the lights on may simply not be her thing.

My boyfriend doesn’t know I’ve never had a real orgasm with him. Is it wrong to keep faking?
There’s no right or wrong, in my opinion. But isn’t it wrong to deny yourself pleasure? Deep down, you know you want it, and you’re going to build up some form of resentment if you continue pretending. One of the first rules in astrology and in life is, “You can’t get what you want unless you accept, acknowledge and ask for it.” Tell him [you haven’t had an orgasm with him], and he’ll try harder.

My Scorpio boyfriend gets overexcited, and climaxes really fast. Any techniques for delaying orgasm?
Scorpio has long been associated as the sign of sex, but we astrologers know better. Scorpio is about passion, intensity, depth. Their deepest fear — and desire — is losing control. That’s why they remain in control so much of the time. So delaying pleasure is both his nightmare and his dream. Bring him close to orgasm without actually arriving. Then stop and breathe. Give lots of eye contact — Scorpios love that. They want your soul. The denial of full-on pleasure will make him never want to leave, and a Scorpio in love is one of the zodiac’s greatest gifts.

Where can I meet astrologers on a Saturday night?
Most astrologers I know (myself included) stay up until the wee hours, peering at the stars through the birth charts of their clients, friends, lovers and themselves, generally rifling through the nooks and crannies of the human psyche. Your best bet is to scour the Internet for a hot one.
 

Interviews by Laura Barcella. Sex Advice From… appears on Thursdays. Have questions for the general public? Send them to sexadvicefrom@nerve.com.

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