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Sex Advice From . . . Bakers

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Debbie, 38

www.sugarsweetsunshine.com

If you could bring one item from the bakery into the bedroom, what would it be?
Buttercream. You could put it on your partner, in particular arousal spots, as foreplay.

What could the following refrigerator contents say about a person’s sexual proclivities:
– Cold pizza and two six-packs of Bud Light?
Doesn’t like to stockpile. He’s into fast, on-the-go relationships. He’s not looking to settle down.
– Salami, cheese, red grapes, apples, pate, and white wine?
Likes to nibble on little things here and there. She’s into savoring the moment.
– Hummus, cheese and tomatoes?
A healthy guy. He plays it more safe than Mr. Beer and Pizza. Maybe this guy is more stable. He’s conscious of what he puts into his body, so he’ll probably want someone who cares about that stuff as much as he does.
– Tall-boys and condiments?
Does takeout all the time. Probably spends a lot of time at other people’s places.

How are food and sex best integrated?
Food should be foreplay. Eat light. Sometimes if you have a big meal, the last thing you’re thinking about is sex. You’re like, "We need to chill out for a while, my gut’s hanging out, I’m just not feeling it." A light meal can lead to other things. Oh, and wine certainly makes you feel amorous.

You’ve been in a serious relationship for two years, but there are problems, so you and your partner decide to take a month-long break. Is it okay to sleep with other people while on this break? Or are breaks really a crock-of-shit precursor to breaking up?
I don’t think breaks are a crock of shit. Some people need to step away from a situation to gain wisdom and vision. But if they really want to continue on with someone they’ve been with, I don’t think it’s okay to sleep with someone else.

Javier, 33
www.billysbakerynyc.com

My best friend is in a relatively new relationship. She and her new guy straddle each other in bars, restaurants, at my apartment. How can I tell her this bothers me without hurting her feelings or losing a friend? Is it my place to bring it up?
I would tell them I’m not that kind of person, so if I’m with them they should respect me and behave.

When I go out with all of my girlfriends, I’m never the girl that guys hit on. Is there any way I can make myself sexier without dressing like a slut?
Maybe dress a little bit sexier, but not too much. Dress fancy but not slutty. Look at people, talk more. Be more conversational.

A friend of mine is a serial monogamist. Whenever she’s in a relationship, she plans her entire life around her guy, calling me only when he’s out of town or busy. All of her friends are ready to cut her out of our lives. How should I give her a wake-up call?
Call her every day and let her know you care about her. Give her a little time. Make a schedule and let her know you want to make plans with her.

How do you get a baker to come home with you?
Say you’re interested in baking but don’t know how to do it. Then ask to be taught.

Kris, 33
www.sugarsweetsunshine.com

Do you have any baking-related fetishes?
My husband is a chef, and I am totally turned on by chef uniforms. I love the whites, the aprons, the way they stand outside and smoke cigarettes . . . hot!

If you could bring one bakery item into the bedroom, what would it be?
Vanilla mousse, because it’s light, buttery and sugary. You’d have to put plastic down, though. Cleanup would be a bitch.

I adore my new boyfriend, but on our second date, he told me he’s had sex with guys. It’s not his bisexuality that bothers me, but the fact that I’m worried he’ll leave me for pretty much everyone he sees. Is this a normal fear? What should I do?
That’s an absolutely normal fear. When I started dating my husband and I told him that I had been with women, I had to say, "I’m not going to leave you for a woman the same as I’m not going to leave you for a man." It’s about the trust. She’s gotta nail down that sex thing though, because she doesn’t have a penis, and he might go philander.

What could the following refrigerator contents say about a person’s sexual proclivities:
-Cold pizza and two six-packs of Bud Light?

He would rather jerk off to porn than go through the work of getting a date.
-Salami, red grapes, apples, pate, and white wine?
Picky but open. Doesn’t know all the names of her lovers.
-Hummus, cheese, tomatoes and Evian?
He and his husband are very happy together.
-Tall-boys and condiments?
Sells drugs for a living and can buy a man if she wants. Or she’s a college student. Or she’s Irish Catholic and repressed and still does it anyway.

A friend of mine is a serial monogamist. Whenever she’s in a relationship she plans her entire life around her guy, calling me only when he’s out of town or busy. She’s been doing this for years. All of her friends are tired of it and ready to cut her out of their lives. Should I say something to my friend first? If so, what should I say?
Sing "You Don’t Bring Me Flowers" into her answering machine.

Ronnie, 24
www.billysbakerynyc.com

If you could bring one bakery item into the bedroom, what would it be?
A spatula.

My girlfriend just got engaged. Ever since, her boyfriend (now fiancé) doesn’t try as hard to please her in bed. Does she have to call off the wedding to get her sex life back?
I would give him an ultimatum. If things are already dwindling, they’re going to really suck after the wedding.

My boyfriend’s obsession with not eating carbs is making me crazy. The rigidity makes me feel self-conscious and turns me off. Is this irrational?
The healthier he eats, the more active his sex life should be, so embrace it. Enhance your sex life by using low-carb foods in bed.

You’ve been in a serious relationship for two years, but there are problems, so you and your partner decide to take a monthlong “break.” Are “breaks” simply an elongated precursor to breaking up?
Yes. The break is just a social sanction that allows you to sleep with other people.

How can I get a baker to come home with me?
Touch us. Find a way to be tactile without making a sexual advance. Then we’re easy.
 

Interviews by Fiona Byrne. Sex Advice From… appears on Thursdays. Have questions for the general public? Send them to sexadvicefrom@nerve.com.


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