Advice

Sex Advice From Ballet Dancers

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Q: What’s the best way to pick up a ballet dancer? A: Lift close to your body, feet shoulder-width apart, and keep your back straight.

Eric, 25

What's the best reason to date a ballet dancer?
Most of the people I've dated have been ballet dancers, so I guess for me it's sheer convenience. For the layperson? Beyond our fabled flexibility and stage-ready good looks, our poor body images and low self-esteem make us eager to please.

Is it true that the better you dance, the better you are in bed?
I think that's true for exotic dancers. Skills on a pole may be applied directly to the sack. The same may be said for non-professionals with a flair for the sexy in the club. I'm not sure technical or artistic achievement in ballet has any connection to sexual performance, unless you happen to enjoy systematic lovemaking with clear positions and clean lines.

What are some ballet moves anyone can incorporate into their sex life?
The straight guys in the dressing room seem to think that fucking a girl in a penchée would be magical.

What's the best way to pick up a ballet dancer?
Lift close to your body, feet shoulder-width apart, bend your knees, keep your back straight, tighten your stomach muscles, and lift with your legs. Seriously, though — alcohol, conversation, and more alcohol. Dancers: they're just like you.

What's the sexiest movie dance scene?
Every scene in Showgirls.

I'm a gay man and committed to my boyfriend of six months. Lately, he's talking about how we shouldn't be using condoms since we're monogamous. I'm not planning on sleeping around, but this scares me. What should I do?
If you haven't already told him that barebacking scares you, do so. Then make an afternoon of going to get tested together. Share your results; and if all's well, do away with the latex. Explain the consequences of undisclosed infidelities by making your boyfriend watch footage from the Lorena Bobbitt trial on YouTube.

I recently ran into one of my old high-school teachers at a bar. We talked and ended up making out. At the end of the night, she asked if we could see each other again. I had fun, but I'm a little worried  should I back out or just go for it?
Just go for it. You're not Josie Grossie anymore.

I'm really turned on by the idea of watching my boyfriend have sex with another guy. He's been with guys before, but not for a long time. How do I gauge his interest in it without freaking him out?
Next time it's movie night, pop in Shortbus. It can facilitate all kinds of crazy discussions. Slip your voyeuristic fetish into the conversation casually and try to get a sense of whether or not he would be interested in performing an excerpt from his previous life as a man who had sex with men.

My girlfriend keeps asking me to "play rough." I want to please her, but the idea of "hurting" women —even playfully — freaks me out. How can I relax and enjoy it more?
If she wants to play rough, you're going to have to get off your male-feminist high horse. The Ying-Yang Twins would tell you to "beat the puss up, beat the puss up." Man up.

Tatiana, age 27

What's the best reason to date a ballet dancer?
For the most part, dancers are passionate and engaging people. We're also very expressive physically, both in and out of the bedroom. But, to be honest, I think it's important to have your head on straight if you're going to date a dancer, or it'll cause some problems. I don't want to dissuade people from dating dancers, but just make sure you're emotionally secure before you do it. Once I found a stable non-dancer who didn't mind that another guy got to grope me for most of the day, I never looked back.

Is it true that the better you dance, the better you are in bed?
I know that's the common perception, but in ballet I think that rarely holds true. In fact, I can only think of one time that ballet has made the leap into the bedroom. I'll leave the details to your imagination.

What are some ballet moves anyone can incorporate into their sex life?
No moves, but in my experience guys love the costumes. But I can relate. I love the costumes, too!

What's the best way to pick up a ballet dancer?
I always appreciate it when a guy doesn't try to make ballet the entire topic of conversation. The last thing I want after a day of getting banged up is to talk about getting banged up. I also love passion. Be passionate about something and you'll have my ear for the evening. Also, memorize a couple of cool drinks.

What's the sexiest movie dance scene?
I love a man with a great butt. Dirty Dancing might be why I started dancing in the first place.

I recently ran into one of my old high-school teachers at a bar. We talked and ended up making out. At the end of the night, she asked if we could see each other again. I had fun, but I'm a little worried — should I back out or just go for it?
Ugh! Never! Though that might be because all of my former teachers look like shaved monkeys with smokers' coughs and yellow teeth.

I'm really turned on by the idea of watching my boyfriend have sex with another guy. He's been with guys before, but not for a long time. How do I gauge his interest in it without freaking him out?
Find out what kind of guy he was into and then subtly point out some guys on the street or in a movie that might be up his alley. See if you can prompt a conversation about rating hot actors and then mention you used to fantasize about two of your favorite actors making out. See how he reacts. Then down the line, maybe mention it again and play up how much it turns you on. Come Christmastime, you might get more than a candy cane in your stocking.

My girlfriend and I split up for a few weeks and got back together. I was celibate the entire time, but I'm beginning to think she slept around, possibly with one of our mutual friends. Should I ask her or just try to forget about it?
Forget about it. I hate it when a guy wants to know details about the people I've slept with. Inevitably, it feels like the guy is trying to compare notes to boost his ego. Plus, you two were split up at the time, so questioning her activities will only strain your already fragile relationship. By the way, if your mutual friend slept with her behind your back, knowing you still were invested in her emotionally, he's not really your friend. It might be time to take a hard look at who you hang with.

My ex and I are friends and we sometimes hang out one-on-one. Even though we're both dating other people now, I get the feeling that she still has feelings for me and might make a move some time. What can I do now to avoid an awkward situation later?
If you want to kill the mood, just mention to her that you're glad you two can still be friends without compromising your current relationship. Then set up an opportunity for her to meet and hang out with your current flame.

My girlfriend keeps asking me to "play rough." I want to please her, but the idea of "hurting" women  even playfully — freaks me out. How can I relax and enjoy it more?
Either you're into it or you're not. Not that you can't have special "rough nights," but I don't think that's going to be something you can grow to enjoy over time. Tell her what's up and if she still insists on more stick than carrot, move on.

Ted, age 25

What's the best reason to date a ballet dancer?
We're really flexible both physically and emotionally. Ballet teaches you to find passion in every situation.

Is it true that the better you dance, the better you are in bed?
I've found that to be very true. The better you know your body, the more ways you discover to use it. Awkward dancing usually leads to awkward sex. Better dancers understand the body as a puzzle and are aware of every limb!

What's the best way to pick up a ballet dancer?
Compliments!

What's the sexiest movie dance scene?
I'm excited to see what Black Swan has in store for us. Other than that, Dirty Dancing always blurs the line between dancing and sex.

I'm a gay man and committed to my boyfriend of six months. Lately, he's talking about how we shouldn't be using condoms since we're monogamous. I'm not planning on sleeping around, but this scares me. What should I do?
Get tested together. It’ll help you feel better about taking new steps in a budding romance. It’s a relief to know about your heath statuses.

I'm really turned on by the idea of watching my boyfriend have sex with another guy. He's been with guys before, but not for a long time. How do I gauge his interest in it without freaking him out?
Sounds hot! Start out simple to see where he stands. Point out a guy on the street or at dinner and say, “He's cute!" His response will let you know how he feels and how to proceed.

My girlfriend and I split up for a few weeks and got back together. I was celibate the entire time, but I'm beginning to think she slept around, possibly with one of our mutual friends. Should I ask her, or just try to forget about it?
Forget about it. It’s better to live in the present than bring up a time you weren't together.

I want my boyfriend to go down on me, but he refuses to. Is there a middle ground that can be reached here?
If it's really important to you, I would say find a new man. You may be able to talk your boyfriend into pleasing you once or twice, but it's always better if he wants to do it and enjoys it.