Lucinda, 27

How do I tell a potential hookup that I have bedbugs?
You can tell after a few dates whether the person will judge you for it or be cool. The second time ours flared up, my two roommates knew and they didn’t tell me. Unfortunately, I didn’t tell my new boyfriend because I thought they had been gone for three months. So the second or third time he stayed over, he woke up with the telltale red dots on his arm. He was visiting from out of town, so we had to wash all of his clothes at a laundromat. It was really embarrassing. But it worked out; we’re getting married.

Is there a sexy or funny way to ask someone if they have bedbugs?
No. But a non-sexy/funny way, if you want to be creepy about it, is checking their address on the bedbug registry website.

My best friend went through a really bad breakup a few months ago. She's spent the past three weeks communicating with a man online. They haven't even met up yet, but she's already way too into him. How can I tell her to calm down without sounding judgmental?
Don’t be the asshole friend who says, “Well, maybe he’s not going to like you.” It would be one thing if you met the guy and knew it was a bad situation, but who are you to tell people what to be excited about?

What should I include and what should I leave out of an internet personal ad?
People take what they put in their profiles too seriously. It’s never a good idea to misrepresent yourself but, don’t put everything out there, either. On the other hand, I’ve seen a lot of people whose pictures are all of themselves taking their own picture. And they have to think of what message that’s sending. You don’t have one friend who will take a picture of you? So step back and think of little things like that. Maybe you do have a friend, and you just didn’t really think of how that would come off.

I had one awkward hookup with a woman I've known for years, and the sex was terrible. Despite our off-night, I'm still really attracted to her, and want to give it another go. When I approach her about a rematch, is it best to acknowledge the previous time was bad?
If you got to that point and there’s not enough chemistry to take you forward, that’s a sign. You either have that chemistry with that person or you don’t.

A buddy of mine is seeing a woman who thinks they're exclusive. She was recently gushing to me at a bar about how lucky she feels to have a "boyfriend" like him. I told him that he needs to tell her he's still dating other people. He disagreed. Should I say something to her?
I’ve heard people say things like, “Oh, the bro-code. Don’t ever fuck with someone else’s whatever.” I wouldn’t go to the girl, unless I knew her very well. But I would certainly reiterate to my friend that it’s pretty clear the girl has high expectations and he’s probably going to hurt her. Tell him to man up.

Commentarium (23 Comments)

Sep 17 10 - 5:09am
ab

Bed bug survivors? Are we really that hard-up for a theme here?

Sep 17 10 - 5:11am
gf

who would have thought that bedbug sufferers would give terrible advice.

Sep 17 10 - 9:50am
jess

I'm getting itchy just reading this.

Sep 17 10 - 10:19am
Ryan

I thought it was an awesome theme. Super-relevant, at least if you live in NY. Of course, now I'm too afraid to ever have a one-night stand ever again....

Sep 17 10 - 10:36am
LoveHandle

Bedbugs are such a nasty nuisance. I think of them as a sort of STD. Do not have sex with anyone until they're cleared up. And before you have sex, tell your partner you had bedbugs.

Sep 17 10 - 11:29pm
Sigh....

hot shot pests strips have been proven to kill bed bugs. Just stick one under your bed.

Sep 17 10 - 11:36pm
Quixote

Scary internet guys? I guess that makes you a scary internet girl.

Sep 17 10 - 11:38pm
Jo Manny

LOL, that sucks to be you dude. ROTFL

www.privacy-web.cz.tc

Sep 18 10 - 1:17am
Kate

Bedbugs are the worst. I recently lost all my furniture and most of my possessions due to a very very extreme infestation in my (former) apt. If you expose me to them without warning me, there will be hell to pay, and you will be paying it for a long, long time.

Sep 18 10 - 9:37am
Katie

I hate to break it to you but those little bastards can drop down from the ceiling like fuckin' paratroopers. So making your bed "an island" with the traps on the legs will stop most, but not all of the bloodsuckers...

Sep 18 10 - 11:38am
Red Velvet

Bedbugs? I think you need to worry more about cleaning your living area than getting some. That's disgusting.

Sep 18 10 - 1:03pm
Jason

Bedbugs are attracted to the carbon dioxide that results from your breathing. Having bed bugs means you're breathing, not that you're dirty. They're not like roaches. A clean apartment isn't going to keep you safe from bed bugs.

Sep 19 10 - 3:28pm
mg

great; another one night stand issue to worry about

Sep 27 10 - 9:07am
Art H. Ropod

"How do I tell a potential hookup that I have bedbugs?"

Use the fact that you have bedbugs as an opportunity for some serious spin. After all, it's now very chic to have bedbugs. Niketown, Abercrombie & Fitch, and Hollister have had them. Hell, even Victoria's Secret's gotten them! So spin, baby, spin!

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May 06 12 - 8:43am
Jenny

I think it is better to do it in the bath tub. This way, both parties can take a quick hot shower or bath, killing any bugs in the way. LOL
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