Advice

Sex Advice From Bodega Clerks

Pin it

sex-advice-from-bodega-clerks

Mike, 22

I’m waiting in line and there’s a cute, friendly-looking girl in front of me. What’s my best opener?
“What’s your name?” It’s the obvious choice. Not everyone can pull that off, but you have to keep your openers simple.

What’s the biggest romantic perk of working the counter?
The girls, especially the late-night ones. They’re the fun girls.

What do the following bodega meals say about a potential mate:

Yoo-Hoo and a granola bar? mike
Breakfast is detail-oriented. Planner and nitpicker.

American Spirits and a Diet Coke?
Cigs in place of food? Total freak.

BBQ Boar’s Head sub and Mountain Dew?
Impulsive, probably gives in to temptation real easily. Also, hungry!

What’s the most romantic bodega picnic I can assemble for twenty bucks?
Spend half the cash on deli meat and rolls for sandwiches, and pair them with a good, cheap Merlot or Cabernet from your corner liquor store.

I’m about to meet my boyfriend’s parents for the first time. How should I comport myself?
Be real nice, but nice in a way so they can’t help but like you. First impressions count, so keep it light, polite, and not overbearing.

My girlfriend invited me on her family’s annual vacation, but we’ve only been a serious item for two weeks. Should I stay or should I go?
I can’t answer that — it sounds too soon in most cases, but it really depends on the dynamic between you two.

Mansoor, 45

What’s the most romantic bodega picnic I can assemble for twenty bucks?
Keep it simple — a nice sunny day, some cold water, two ice creams, and two packs of cigarettes. It’s hard to mess that up.

I’m waiting in line and there’s a cute, friendly-looking girl in front of me. What’s my best opener?
Just saying, “Hi!” always works. That can be tough, because you’ll know right then and there if she likes you or not. If she needs help with something, say, reaching for something on a higher shelf, that’s a better opening.

Splitting the bill — progressive or unchivalrous? mansoor
Unchivalrous — you don’t want to appear cheap, particularly on the first date.

I’m about to meet my boyfriend’s parents for the first time. How should I comport myself?
It’s a tough thing, man. That’s a big step you’re taking, so if you’re not serious or it’s too soon, it’s going to end up badly. You have to make sure you’re in the right state of mind first and then everything will come to you naturally.

My girlfriend invited me on her family’s annual vacation, but we’ve only been a serious item for two weeks. Should I stay or should I go?
It’s too early in the relationship to be spending her money — if you care about this girl enough, go on your own expenses.

What do the following bodega meals say about a potential mate:

American Spirits and a Diet Coke?
Must be a very picky person, if they’re smoking American Spirits.

Advil and a Good-Humor bar?
Ice cream is definitely fun, but the Advil sounds like they have a lot of headaches. Could be stressed!

Yoo-Hoo and a granola bar?
Yoo-Hoo and a granola bar? This is some psycho stuff!

Ahmed, 29

What’s the biggest romantic perk of working the counter?
Staying open late means you get the nightlife crowd; those girls are always friendly, but mostly it’s just nice conversation.

What do the following bodega meals say about a potential mate:

Yoo-Hoo and a granola bar?
Odd combo — sounds a little too sugary, but could mean they’re sweet themselves.

American Spirits and a Diet Coke? ahmed
Sounds like someone’s trying to be classy, but is just going to be hungry at the end of the day. Doesn’t know what they want.

BBQ Boar’s Head sub and Mountain Dew?
Good appetite, very direct. Maybe too opinionated at times, but doesn’t fool around.

My girlfriend invited me on her family’s annual vacation, but we’ve only been a serious item for two weeks. Should I stay or should I go?
Oooh, don’t go. It’s way too soon. Two years I understand, but two weeks? Nu-uh. You’ve got to come up with a really good excuse though. I’ll leave that to you.

Splitting the bill — progressive or unchivalrous?
I can understand splitting the bill on later dates, but you better pay at the beginning. Agreeing to split the bill on a first date comes off like you’re forcing some kind of equality. But I guess that’s the way things work for guys these days.

I’m about to meet my boyfriend’s parents for the first time. How should I comport myself?
Smile, don’t dominate the conversation, and don’t try too hard.

What’s the most romantic bodega picnic I can assemble for twenty bucks?
Two sandwiches, two sodas, and use the rest of the money to bribe the weather into being nice.