Advice

Sex Advice From Bridesmaids

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Q: “If “The Bridesmaid” was a sex position, how would it work?” A: “Standing up, with all your clothes on, in the ladies’ room at the reception."

Escher, 34

Why are bridesmaids better in bed?
Because they’re still on the prowl and wish to impress.

Why is a wedding a good place to meet someone?
Between the libations and a whole new set of contacts from the groom's side of the party, there are plenty of conversations to be had.

How far is "too far" to go at a bachelorette party? What about a bachelor party?
Going to a bachelorette party is "too far" in my book. I skipped that part!

If "the bridesmaid" were a sex position, how would it work?
Standing up in a stall in the ladies’ room where the reception is being held. Ultimately, one leg would be thrown over the arm of the guy, and the woman would have the advantage of the wall for support.

I’ve started dating this great guy, and he's everything I want in a life partner. The only problem is that he doesn't believe in marriage. I strongly believe in having a wedding, changing my name, etc. If everything else is great in our relationship, does this have to be a dealbreaker?
The chances that the relationship will survive are the same, whether or not there’s a piece of paper and bad wedding video. It shouldn’t be a dealbreaker. Unless, because of your religious beliefs, you can't co-habitate until the hefty dues to the wedding industry have been paid.

My girlfriend and I act like we're already married in the worst ways. We barely go out and our sex life is boring. How can we spice things up?
Try mixing things up. Go on a date in a new part of town; try a new restaurant. Make time for cuddling and sex in the afternoon; mix up positions or try a new location in your apartment, and fall asleep in each other’s arms for an hour afterward.

A good female friend and I used to jokingly call each other "platonic life partners," but now I think I might be in love with her. I'm not sure, and I don't want to jeopardize our friendship. What should I do?
Oh, I've heard this one before — all the responsibility and none of the benefits. You might have a guaranteed date for Friday night with takeout and a video, but there has got to be more. Have you tried kissing her? What was the reaction? By being platonic life partners with her, what are you protecting yourselves from experiencing? Risk, fear, hurt, loss? These are all feelings that remind you that you are alive.

Is it ever okay to fake an orgasm?
No.

The love of my life is marrying someone else who I know is a cheater. Should I reach out with a warning, or not say anything?
Reasonable answer: she has made her choice and you both have to live with it. By making these comments, you endanger the couple's relationship and yours with her, too. Cynical answer: just wait a couple years and eventually she will come cry on your shoulder about the whole mess.

Lasana, 24

Why are bridesmaids better in bed?
The main responsibility of a bridesmaid is to cater to the bride and make her feel special before and during her wedding day. A bridesmaid has to be selfless. This goes far in the bedroom.

Why is a wedding a good place to meet someone?
Weddings are expensive. So when the bride and groom invite you to their wedding, you already know they’re also inviting other quality people who are loving and close to them. They usually don’t extend an invitation to their unpredictable or wacky friends and family members. The bride and groom also want great wedding presents, so the people they invite are most likely more generous. These are all very attractive traits.

How far is "too far" to go at a bachelorette party? What about a bachelor party?
If you wake up the morning after your bachelor/bachelorette party in bed naked with someone who is not your soon-to-be life partner, you’ve gone too far. Otherwise, the bachelor/bachelorette party is a time to enjoy your last few moments of singledom before moving on to the next chapter of life. Have fun.

My girlfriend and I act like we're already married in the worst ways. We barely go out and our sex life is boring. How can we spice things up?
It sounds like you both need to reconnect. One of the best ways to do this is by taking a trip. Being away from your normal life and daily activities will shake things up and remind each of you why you’re together. It doesn’t have to be exotic, just some place where it’s only you and her in unfamiliar surroundings. However, an exotic place will bring out her more uninhibited side.

A good female friend and I used to jokingly call each other "platonic life partners," but now I think I might be in love with her. I'm not sure, and I don't want to jeopardize our friendship. What should I do?
You should jokingly say to her one day, “Remember when we used to call each other platonic life partners? I wonder how it would’ve worked out if we were no longer platonic." Her response to this will give you more insight into her feelings. If she says something like, “There’ s no need to wonder — it would never happen." Then you know that idea is not appealing to her. But if she says something such as, “Who knows? It could be interesting…" then you know there’s some interest on her part.

Every time I'm around my boyfriend's family, his dad makes pervy comments about my sex life with his son. I don't want to cause any family tension, so I've never mentioned it to my boyfriend. How can I get this behavior to stop?
You have to stand up to your boyfriend’s dad and tell him your sex life is none of his business, whether it’s with his son or not. His behavior continues because you have allowed it to. Put him in his place, and it will come to an end.

Is it ever okay to fake an orgasm?
It’s difficult for your partner to know what turns you on if you are faking. Also, if your partner isn’t able to arouse you enough to give you an orgasm, there may be some other issues that need to be addressed. Don’t fake it.

The love of my life is marrying someone else who I know is a cheater. Should I reach out with a warning, or not say anything?
You say you know this person is a cheater, but how do you really know? Is this hearsay or have you actually seen him cheating? Instead of saying something, you should try to put the love of your life in a position where he discovers on his own that his potential life partner is a cheater. Your motives may be questioned if you share these concerns yourself.

I'm a guy and my girlfriend and I just got back together after a yearlong hiatus. When we weren't dating, I started experimenting with guys. I still prefer girls, and I only want to be with my girlfriend. So do I have to tell her?
If you truly love your girlfriend, you should love her enough to give her the ability to decide for herself if she can deal with your past sexual encounters. Especially if you think you may want to be intimate with another guy again in the future. It will also be liberating for you to share this aspect of your personality with her. Secrets are destructive to relationships.

Zlata, 29

Why are bridesmaids better in bed?
A bridesmaid knows her place in the wedding game. She's to wear the chosen dress and jewels, get her hair and makeup done, stand beside the bride as she says her vows, and have a carefree escapade with a groomsman/single guy. The wedding party usually ends up staying at the designated hotel, and it's almost expected that one of those rooms will go to waste.

Why is a wedding a good place to meet someone?
On a more sensitive note, romance is in the air at wedding. The unity of two people for "the rest of their lives" shows that promise can be the same for said single person. Whether it's for a one-night thing, a date, or a lifetime partner — single people are always on the look out for a pheromone spike. Weddings are the best place.

How far is "too far" to go at a bachelorette party? What about a bachelor party?
I think it's all fun and games with the flirting and stripping and finding guys in  ‘da club’ to check off your Bingo card ("Find a bald guy. Rub his head between your boobs."). But when that gets physical — I mean, like making out, oral anything, actual sex — that's too far. You can get a lap dance if you want, but you're not going in the back room for a BJ. No way.

If "the bridesmaid" were a sex position, how would it work?
All clothing remains on while doing it in any position. After all, when else are you going to wear that dress? And his tux… well, that's not due back at the rental place until Monday.

My girlfriend and I act like we're already married in the worst ways. We barely go out and our sex life is boring. How can we spice things up?
Force yourselves to go out with your own group of friends and then happen to "pick each other up" at the club. Have sex in the bathroom. Leave your friends and go home early. Pretend you just met and this is a hot one-night stand you're having. Do things to and with one another that you haven't done before. Lose your inhibitions. Get a hotel room, maybe?

A female girl friend and I used to jokingly call each other "platonic life partners," but now I think I might be in love with her. I 'm not sure, and I don't want to jeopardize our friendship. What should I do?  
If it's eating at you intensely, then it's probably a good idea to be honest. Let your best friend know how you’ve been feeling and find out whether or not he/she feels the same. It's like playing the lotto — “Hey, you never know!”

Is it ever okay to fake an orgasm?
Of course. If it's not good and you're bored to pieces, just fake it.

The love of my life is marrying someone else who I know is a cheater. Should I reach out with a warning, or not say anything?
Don't say anything. Unless the love of your life happens to also be your best friend (like they are in movies, but never reality), then maybe. But if not, no. In the end, you will end up the "bad guy." Anyway, marriage involves more than just two people — it’s two families uniting — so you're ruining more than just a relationship. It's none of your business; you need to just move on.

I'm a guy and my girlfriend and I just got back together after a yearlong hiatus. When we weren't dating, I started experimenting with guys. I still prefer girls, and I only want to be with my girlfriend. So do I have to tell her?
The past is the past. If it's a non-issue, then why bring it up? She might have gone and eaten a dozen cookies every day. Should she tell you? Who gives a shit?