Sex Advice From Bridesmaids

Q: “If “The Bridesmaid” was a sex position, how would it work?” A: “Standing up, with all your clothes on, in the ladies’ room at the reception."

By Amanda Green

Escher, 34

Why are bridesmaids better in bed?
Because they’re still on the prowl and wish to impress.

Why is a wedding a good place to meet someone?
Between the libations and a whole new set of contacts from the groom's side of the party, there are plenty of conversations to be had.

How far is "too far" to go at a bachelorette party? What about a bachelor party?
Going to a bachelorette party is "too far" in my book. I skipped that part!

If "the bridesmaid" were a sex position, how would it work?
Standing up in a stall in the ladies’ room where the reception is being held. Ultimately, one leg would be thrown over the arm of the guy, and the woman would have the advantage of the wall for support.

I’ve started dating this great guy, and he's everything I want in a life partner. The only problem is that he doesn't believe in marriage. I strongly believe in having a wedding, changing my name, etc. If everything else is great in our relationship, does this have to be a dealbreaker?
The chances that the relationship will survive are the same, whether or not there’s a piece of paper and bad wedding video. It shouldn’t be a dealbreaker. Unless, because of your religious beliefs, you can't co-habitate until the hefty dues to the wedding industry have been paid.

My girlfriend and I act like we're already married in the worst ways. We barely go out and our sex life is boring. How can we spice things up?
Try mixing things up. Go on a date in a new part of town; try a new restaurant. Make time for cuddling and sex in the afternoon; mix up positions or try a new location in your apartment, and fall asleep in each other’s arms for an hour afterward.

A good female friend and I used to jokingly call each other "platonic life partners," but now I think I might be in love with her. I'm not sure, and I don't want to jeopardize our friendship. What should I do?
Oh, I've heard this one before — all the responsibility and none of the benefits. You might have a guaranteed date for Friday night with takeout and a video, but there has got to be more. Have you tried kissing her? What was the reaction? By being platonic life partners with her, what are you protecting yourselves from experiencing? Risk, fear, hurt, loss? These are all feelings that remind you that you are alive.

Is it ever okay to fake an orgasm?
No.

The love of my life is marrying someone else who I know is a cheater. Should I reach out with a warning, or not say anything?
Reasonable answer: she has made her choice and you both have to live with it. By making these comments, you endanger the couple's relationship and yours with her, too. Cynical answer: just wait a couple years and eventually she will come cry on your shoulder about the whole mess.