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Sex Advice From . . . Car Mechanics

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Jose, 39

Can you tell how good a woman/man is in bed by the car they drive?
Usually, the woman with a beat up car is the best in bed. And then for a man, it would probably be something of great value, like a new Mercedes. Because a car show’s someone’s taste and how they care for things. A Mercedes is a well made car, it requires intelligence to pick and you would connect a Mercedes to someone smart and intelligent. Let’s just say they would put some thought into making love.

Do your mechanical skills ever help you in bed?
No, they don’t help me. I would think they help to get a woman into bed, but not in bed, because a lot of women with vehicle problems tend to play the damsel in distress and turn to men for comfort. And that’s when a man will use his position to talk to the young lady and then hit on her.

What anatomical machinery do most women not know how to operate correctly?
The testicles. If you grab them wrong, it can be very painful. You should be very gentle and anything other than squeezing is good. I would say caress them; there shouldn’t be any jerking motion at all.

What’s the best way to stimulate a man by hand?
Rubbing his penis firmly, on the shaft in the same way you grab a baseball bat. Women think men want to be handled roughly, but we want to be handled gently, with patience.

What are the ways you let your significant other know that you care for them while you’re having sex?

Tell them, “I love you,” Again, patience and rub their hair and neck. Always, constantly touch the body.

I’m busy and I really need to get laid. I think my ex, who I am still attracted to, would be game, but I also know he wants to get back together. Is there a way to make sure we can have a session or two just about sex? Is this more trouble than it’s worth?
It’s more trouble than it’s worth. It would be hurting a person’s feelings. You’re starting something you won’t finish and it’s inconsiderate to the other party.

What’s a good, but not cheesy, way of setting up a sex night to remember?
Make sure you’re alone in the environment. Music and candles are all good. But make sure you have nowhere to go the next day. I used to disconnect myself from everyone and stay in a hotel for two days, I wouldn’t be bothered. I would stay with that person and sleep and eat and have sex and eat and have sex and sleep, and that’s it.

Keith, 30

If a customer offers you a blowjob in return for an oil change, would you accept?
No. It’s best to keep business and pleasure separate.

Do your mechanical skills ever help you in bed? How?
All that I can say is that mechanics are more detail oriented so we pay more attention to things.

What anatomical machinery do most women not know how to operate correctly?
The penis area. During oral sex, women don’t know how far to go down. One way is to go down on the shaft of the penis further, about half way, during oral sex every four to five sucks. Also, more spit during oral increases the sensation.

What is the best way to stimulate a man by hand?
Obviously, focus on the penis area, and more around the nipple. I think light touches and light sucking are the best. With the hand or tongue, lightly circle the nipple and every once in a while lightly suck the nipple. Before oral sex, the same technique for the nipple will work for the penis.

What is the best way to stimulate a woman by hand?
Around the back of the knees, light touches on the hips, kisses on the back and light touching in certain areas. I learned this from the girl in my first serious relationship. She was more experienced in sensual touching than I was, but I was a fast learner.

Say your girlfriend/boyfriend wants a four way, how would you go about getting people together for a fuck fest?
First off, find four like-minded people. You should have a real long discussion about how it’s “just sex” and there are no feelings involved. Everyone should be on the same page. They should also be mutual friends with no serious connections. I don’t think I would recommend any substances because it takes away from the sport of it.

What’s the best way to approach someone out of your league?
Just approach with no fear. The worst thing they can say is "no" or “get away, you freak.”

John, 33

What are the dirtiest names you’ve been called during sex that relates to your profession?
Mad dog. But I guess that doesn’t relate to my profession.

Can you tell how good a woman/man is in bed by the car they drive?
No, but men can score with a Mercedes or Hummer. The bigger the SUV, the more it helps. More room to move, I guess.

What’s the strangest sexual item you’ve ever found working in a car?
There was this chick who had a vibrator in her glove box. She was all, like, “Don’t go in there.”

I’ve always been the pursuer in sexual relationships. What signals should I be giving off to say I’m ready to be pursued?
Slutty. I go for slutty. I look for less clothing, no panties, no bra, titties hanging out.

Michael, 28

What’s the dirtiest name you’ve been called during sex that relates to your profession?
Greaseball.

What’s the strangest sexual item you’ve ever found working in a car?
Man I’ve seen dildos, porn, pictures of the Ponderosa Club, a porn club where girls go to model nude.

If a customers offers you a blowjob in return for an oil change, would you accept and why?
Yes, I just would because that’s me. It happened once before. She said, “If you do the oil exchange, I’ll give you a blow job” and this is while I was working there late at night. There was no one else around, just me and her.

Do your mechanical skills ever help you in bed? How?
Being a mechanic, I learn how to put grease on things. It’s like, you got the cam-shaft between the bearings in the engine, it’s a rotating part. The cam-shaft lifts the lifters, pushes on the push rods, pushing on the rockers to open valves, so you have to learn how to grease it properly for insertion.

What anatomical machinery do most women not know how to operate correctly?
She probably doesn’t know how to massage. I just have this thing where I’m jumpy and I don’t like to be touched in certain areas, like my sides. I’m very ticklish.

Say your girlfriend/boyfriend wants a four way, how would you go about getting people together for a fuck fest?
Use the phone or go to a bar, say, “We’re having a four way, wanna come?” It’s happened before with one of my girlfriends and she brought two girls. Basically, she just flat out told them what was going to happen and they were up for it.

Top or bottom, which one are you? And what’s great about it?
There’s different sensations on both. Control is good being on top, you also get to see the facial expression. “Oohs” and “aahs,” you know. It’s a different sensation. I like it when she takes control but not so much control like I’m being dominated.

I’ve always been the pursuer in sexual relationships. What signals should I be giving off to say I’m ready to be pursued?
Flip your hair or something. Girls tend to let you know they like you by playing with their hair.

What’s a good, but not cheesy, way of setting up a sex night to remember?
Actually, you know a walk along the lake would be nice. Just talk and I guess when you’re talking and walking and everything seems to be calm and smooth, that’s the nice part of the date.

Paul, 36

How difficult is it to pick up a female/male client when you are on the job?
It’s very difficult when you got cock-blockers working in the front.

Can you tell how good a woman/man is in bed by the car they drive? Which cars mean the best sex, and which cars mean the worst? Which car helps men score?
No you can’t. Best sex, I would probably say Lexus. Worst is a Beetle [laughs]. Escalades, a Lex, and Cadillacs are all cars that help men score.

What’s the best way to stimulate a man by hand?
You gotta choke your chicken with lubricant. I don’t like to say words like cock a lot, so I use words like chicken. But basically, grasping and up-and-down motion.

If my boyfriend wants to be dominated by me (i.e. be fucked in the ass), how do I go about this? And how does one be a good dominatrix?
Say things like: “Fuck me like you never did before.” Get aggressive and show the wild side of what you are.

Top or bottom, which one are you? And what’s great about it?
I like both. Being on top means more control. I guess it would be more gratifying. Being on the bottom means lazy and relaxed.

I’ve always been the pursuer in sexual relationships. What signals should I be giving off to say I’m ready to be pursued?
Eye contact is very important. You know when you see someone, you lock up, like a paralyzing trance, then chances are you’ll hook up later.

What’s a good, but not cheesy, way of setting up a sex night to remember?
Have fresh shrimp and fresh fruits set up for her to eat. You can feed each other. You should compliment her for a few hours.
 

Interviews by Ceda Xiong. Sex Advice From… appears on Thursdays. Have questions for the general public? Send them to sexadvicefrom@nerve.com.

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