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Sex Advice from . . . Casserole Bakers

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Each year, Emily Farris hosts a cut-throat casserole-baking competition in Brooklyn. Here, we present sex advice from four recent competitors.

Emily, 25
casserolecrazy.com

What can making casseroles teach us about making love?
There’s one thing that’s absolutely necessary for making casseroles and for making love, and that thing is moisture.

Is having a one-night stand a good way to help me get over my recent breakup, or will it just make me feel worse?

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Depends on how recent your breakup is. It will probably make you feel better for about twelve hours, and later serve as a reminder that the one-night stand is not the person you’re trying to get over. But I recommend doing it anyway, because your ex is probably doing the same thing. Stephen Stills said it best: If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with.

What casserole can I make to impress the new guy I’m seeing?
I make a casserole I call “Seduction.” It’s a twist on my signature mac-and-corn casserole, made with onions, five different cheeses and tomatoes on top. I made it one night for a friend and he was definitely seduced by it. Or maybe it was the whiskey. Or maybe it was my hotness. But I’d like to think it was the casserole.

A guy I’ve been dating for weeks has never once said a nice thing about the way I look. Everything else is fine, including the sex, but is it outdated of me to expect a “you look nice” every once in a while?
Maybe he’s just shy and insecure. But if he isn’t telling you how hot you are in bed, I would say the sex is not fine. The person you’re with should make you feel attractive, in and out of bed.

Since we started dating, my boyfriend has let himself go — he’s stopped exercising, and doesn’t shave or even bathe every day. I love him, but am I wrong to expect him to work at staying attractive for me?
I tend to go for mountain-men types, so that doesn’t sound so bad. But I think the person you’re with should aim to keep him or herself in or near the condition he or she was in when you met. At least until you’re married.

Lately, my fuck buddy seems to be responding to my texts less and less often. Can I ask him what’s up, or is that getting too personal and violating the fuck-buddy code?
He’s probably started seeing someone. But if you’re really that worried about it, and you guys had some kind of agreement, I think it’s fair to communicate that he’s no longer fulfilling your needs. Just be prepared for it to end when you do.

Nick, 28
ncoleman.com/blog

How can I pick someone up at a casserole party?
The thing about casseroles is: the crazier the better. Most people know how to make a green-bean casserole. But if you’re the person that shows up with some wild Brazilian molé casserole, that would be pretty incredible.

The women in the porn that my boyfriend looks at have gigantic breasts, but I’m barely an A-cup. This makes me insecure about my body. What should I do?
Don’t worry about it. It just so happens that the majority of women in porn have giant breasts, just like the majority of men have giant penises. What if he found your twelve-inch dildo? How would that make him feel? It doesn’t mean you’re not into his penis.

What’s the sexiest noodle?
If you’re actually using it in foreplay, you’d have more options with something like linguini than you would with something like ravioli.

When I visited my hometown recently, I kissed an old boyfriend. Do I need to tell my current boyfriend?
If it was just a kiss that happened because you were a little drunk and reminiscing about old times, he doesn’t need to know about it. But if it happened because you’re unhappy with your current relationship, you need to talk about something, even if it’s not the kiss. But there’s no reason to give someone inadequacy issues just because you kissed some guy.

Is a one-night stand a good way to get over my recent breakup, or will it just make me feel worse?
It depends on how your relationship ended and why. If your relationship ended because you have self-esteem issues, then it’s probably not the best idea. If you feel really good going into it and it’s a positive experience, it can be really helpful. Plus first-time sex is often the best sex.

Since we started dating, my boyfriend has let himself go. I love him, but am I wrong to expect him to work at staying attractive for me? Or is that shallow?
That is absolutely not shallow. That’s one of the main problems people have with losing attraction in long-term relationships — they get lazy, then the person you were originally attracted to doesn’t exist anymore. If you truly care about your partner, you’re going to care about how they see you, and you’re going to want to take care of yourself.

What casserole can I make to impress the new guy I’m seeing?
Breakfast casserole.


Amy, 28

A guy I’ve been dating for weeks has never said a nice thing about the way I look. Is it outdated of me to expect a “you look nice” every once in a while?
Unless you’re dating a blind man, no. But you don’t want to troll for compliments, either. If he’s just an introvert, then maybe you can learn to love his subtle compliments, like the way he looks at you. Apparently a person’s pupils dilate if they’re attracted to you.

I’m buying my first dildo. Any advice?
When it comes to dildos, there are two categories: Ones that look like animals and ones that don’t look like animals. I highly recommend ones that look like animals.

What can making casseroles teach us about making love?
A casserole takes a lot of prep work before it’s ready. It’s more about the anticipation of eating the casserole than about the act itself, sometimes. And if it’s too hot out, both are kind of gross.

How can I pick someone up at a casserole party?
Look hungry. Also, being tolerant of lactose is a good thing. There’s no room for intolerance in this world.

Is having a one-night stand a good way to help me get over my recent breakup, or will it just make me feel worse?
You’re better off making out with twenty boys in one night than you are actually sleeping with one. Then you get the same feeling of success — and the stubble burns — without the worry of herpes.

Lately, my fuck-buddy seems to be responding to my texts less and less. Can I ask him what’s up, or is that violating the fuck-buddy code?
The fuck-buddy code is definitely flexible, but I don’t think most fuck buddies are ever meant to be long-term. Ask him if he’s got a lot of other stuff going on. If he’s not going to be able to fulfill your needs, you need to know so you can look for a replacement.

What’s the sexiest noodle?
You think it’d be something you could slurp — that’s visceral and messy. But I think it’s the lasagna noodle. You have to eat it with a knife and fork, and something about utensils is really sexy to me. Especially a really thick noodle you’d have to cut with a steak knife.


Ameet, 33
ameetkamath.com


The women in the porn that my boyfriend looks at have gigantic breasts, but I’m barely an A-cup. What should I do?
Switch to Asian porn immediately.

I’m a guy who’s always had tepid orgasms. Is there any way I can make them more intense?
First, make sure you’re having sex with people who really turn you on. If that doesn’t work, right before you have an orgasm, shove something up your butt, like a finger or two.

What can making casseroles teach us about making love?
Because a casserole is such a mélange of ingredients, just being open and being able to incorporate different ingredients is something that works in the kitchen, in the bedroom, or on the sofa.

Is having a one-night stand a good way to help me get over my recent breakup, or will it just make me feel worse?
You need plenty of affection now. Talk to friends or strangers if you must. One-night stands are overrated. You don’t have to share your body to get over anything.

A guy I’ve been dating for weeks has never once said a nice thing about the way I look. Is it outdated of me to expect a “you look nice” every once in a while?
You might want to take the lead in this one and tell him how nice he looks. Add a little sarcasm after the third time — and every time till he gets it.

What’s the sexiest noodle?
It has to be chow fun. It’s got “fun” in it. Fun is sexy. You can use it to accentuate and impress your boyfriend with your oral skills over dinner by slurping it slowly and making noises or not.

Lately my fuck buddy seems to be responding to my texts less and less. Can I ask him what’s up or is that getting too personal and violating the fuck-buddy code?
Yeah, that’s getting too personal. Unless you say, “I need your oral attention.” Or if his name is John, then send a text saying “Hey Jason, You were so good last night, I’m so tired today.” A jealous fuck-buddy can be so much fun.
 

Interviews by Laine Cooper. Sex Advice From… appears on Thursdays. Have questions for the general public? Send them to sexadvicefrom@nerve.com.

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