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Sex Advice from . . . Cellists

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Christian, 33
www.nakedcellist.org

What’s the hottest musical term to drop into conversation?
Depending on the dynamics of your sexuality, con tenerezza (with tenderness) or fortissimo (very loud).

My boyfriend thinks I have inappropriately flirtatious relationships with my male acquaintances. Where’s the line when it comes to flirting with friends?
Personally, I’m very open-minded about those things. If my girlfriend wants to go all the way with someone, I’m fine with

promotion

it. I’d just prefer she doesn’t do it with assholes.

I caught my ex’s new boyfriend cheating on her. Should I tell her?
I approve of non-monogamous relationships if both parties want that and are honest about it. If that’s not the case, I’d find it necessary to give my ex all the information she needs to make a proper and balanced decision — to kick his ass.

My girlfriend has had a lot of threesomes; I’ve had none. I’d like to have one with her now, but I’m intimidated because I’m such a novice. What’s the best way to go about this?
I must admit, I’m not a novice at this. Just remember that she too was once a novice, so she should be able to help you. Your curiousness and shyness could be a major attraction for her.

My girlfriend is a freak in the sack. I want tell everyone. When is it okay to reveal something sexual about your significant other to your friends?
Hey, she might be doing the same. In fact, it seems to me that women talk about every raunchy detail with their friends. As long as you’re being discreet, and don’t do it just for bragging’s sake, it’s okay to tell a reliable friend who won’t tell anyone else.

What setting for sex is overrated?
The backseat of a car.

Von Cello
www.voncello.com

Can playing the cello get me laid?
For some reason, women are attracted to musicians. If you look at women who are traditionally considered babes — Heather Locklear, Pam Anderson, Gwyneth Paltrow — they’re all into musicians. The first tip I would give to any guy is get really good at an instrument.

My girlfriend has had a lot of threesomes; I’ve had none. I’d like to have one with her now, but I’m intimidated because I’m such a novice. What can I do?
Is this with or without a cello?

Let’s say no cello this time.
If it doesn’t involve a cello, I don’t know. The cello looks so much like a woman, sometimes I’ve had twosomes and been accused of having a threesome just because my cello was in the room.

How should I pursue a guy who’s out of my league?
When I was dating a lot, I discovered the best way to pursue someone is not to pursue them. Be in a position where they see you and you see them, and then pretty much ignore them. A girl who’s there more than she should be, but pays the guy no attention, is going to make him wonder. This happens to me occasionally on gigs.

What romantic setting or flourish is overrated?
Overhead mirrors.

My girlfriend is a freak in the sack. I want tell everyone. When is it okay to reveal something sexual about your girlfriend to your friends?
When she tells her friends.

How will I know when she’s told her friends?
When you notice they’ve started to look at you differently.

Joyce, 50
www.joycerooks.com

My boyfriend thinks I have inappropriately flirtatious relationships with my male friends. I don’t see it. Where’s the line?
Maybe the boyfriend is a little too sensitive, but it also depends on how the guy being flirted with responds.

Do I have to tell a man I’m casually dating that I’m sleeping with someone else, or is it implied?
We’d all like to think it’s implied. If you’re casually dating, it really shouldn’t be an issue.

My girlfriend is a freak in the sack. I want to tell everyone. When is it okay to reveal something sexual about your significant other to your friends?
My husband will do that, but it kind of pisses me off. I don’t want anybody to know. Just keep it to yourself and enjoy it.

My boyfriend likes phone sex but I’m a little gun-shy. How can I warm up to this?
Get a mirror so you don’t feel too alone. Put on something sexy, or nothing at all, and get on the phone with your honey. Then just get comfortable.

How long should you date someone before you become exclusive?
When my husband and I met, we just stopped seeing people. It just kind of happened. There was no time frame or anything like that. If it’s going to get serious, I think you know pretty quickly. You don’t even have to talk about it.

What’s the best way to get a cellist to go home with you?
Compliment their cello. My cello is kind of an extension of my body. And I’m kind of shaped like a cello. It’s a voluptuous instrument.

Mike, 50

What’s the best way to get a cellist to go home with you?
One way is to be a great pianist. Good pianists are hard to come by and they accompany us nicely.

What’s the sexiest musical term to drop into conversation?
Unfortunately, it belongs to the French horn players, not to cellists: “triple tonguing.”

What does triple tonguing entail?
It’s a technique to get very short notes, “da-da-da-da.” You can’t control your breath with your lungs that quickly, but you can do it with your tongue. As to how you might apply triple tonguing outside of the orchestra, that I’m sure you can imagine.

My boyfriend thinks my flirtatious relationships with my friends of the opposite sex are inappropriate. Are they?
I don’t think there are inappropriate behaviors. I’m in a poly-relationship. I live in a household with a partner and her other partner, and currently another partner of his lives here, too. [My partner] Lee is free to see other people, and I have another partner also. I personally believe that in a relationship, you don’t own another person. I can be exclusive, but I would never demand that of a partner of mine. If one girlfriend wanted to flirt with other guys, that’s fine with me.

Are there any ground rules that help polyamorous relationships work better?
The first rule is communication, number two is communication and number three is communication.

So if I were in a relationship with someone who was also in a relationship with someone else, and something in their relationship made me uncomfortable, they should know about it?
You need to communicate with each other and help each other understand what’s going on. The rules in a poly-relationship are the same as those in a monogamous relationship. Of course, the importance of coordinating your schedules goes up exponentially.

My girlfriend has had a lot of threesomes; I never have. I’d like to have one with her now, but I’m intimidated because I’m such a novice. What can I do?
Start out by just watching. That’ll help you get in the mood, and then when you feel comfortable, you can participate. Like if I were with a woman, and we were trying to make another man comfortable, if the woman liked being eaten out, I could do that and show him how turned on she was by it, and then say to him, “Wouldn’t you like to try that?”

My boyfriend enjoys phone sex but I’m a little gun-shy. How can I warm up to this?
Practice on a phone you haven’t dialed yet. Then when you’re ready to actually try it with someone on the other end, you’ll do better. Very few people walk out on stage without some rehearsal.

How should I pursue someone who’s out of my league?
First, tell yourself there’s no such thing. I had a conversation with a female co-worker of mine not long ago. She was complaining she couldn’t find any guys, and I told her that one possibility was that she was so good looking it was intimidating. People you think are out of your league are sometimes paradoxically lonelier than plain people.

My boyfriend is into tying me up, but this does nothing for me. I want to do it to please him, though. How can I get into it?
I’ve done this. Have you ever heard of the Black Rose? It’s a D.C.-area BDSM organization, similar to Janus on the West Coast or the Eulenspiegel in New York. I’ve been on the board of directors. One thing that’s stressed is negotiation. Just because you’re a submissive doesn’t mean you should be a doormat. You’re entitled to ask for something. It could be a position you like or an activity you like. You should try to incorporate that.

My man and I are strapped for time. How can we make sure we don’t get too busy for sex?
Believe me, I know all about this. Lee and I are both very busy, and we decided that Saturday night is our night. It’s a time each week that we concentrate on each other.

And it’s something to look forward to.
Right. And on Friday nights, Myriam and I get together.

Wow, you must love weekends.
Yeah. But my most demanding mistress is on Thursday night. That’s when my string quartet gets together.
 


Interviews by Kate Sullivan. Sex Advice From… appears on Thursdays. Have questions for the general public? Send them to sexadvicefrom@nerve.com.


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