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Sex Advice from . . . Champions

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Richard, 47, champion same-sex ballroom dancer

How has being a champion improved your sex life?
Flexibility, leg strength and endurance really pay off in the bedroom. I certainly don’t want you looking up and thinking, “Beige . . . I think I’ll paint the ceiling beige . . . “

How can I score with a dancer?
Dancers are like most performers: insecure, self-absorbed, vain. Tap into that deep-seated insecurity.

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My boyfriend takes a long time to get off. How can we keep things interesting till orgasm?
I once met a guy who wanted to “train” me to orgasm simply by having clothes pins attached to my nipples. I declined. However, it does illustrate the fact that it’s easy to become sexually patterned. You can train your boyfriend to get off more quickly. Offer him a ten-minute quickie just before heading out to dinner or before work in the morning.

I’ve been dating a guy for a few months, and I’m on the pill so I recently suggested we stop using condoms. He insisted we keep using them “just to be safe.” Should I be concerned he has an STD or is cheating on me?
Well, either of those reasons could be true. But he might be concerned with why you want to give up the safety of a condom.

Are bi-coastal relationships sustainable?
That depends. What do you ultimately want from the relationship? If what you want is intimacy, distance is a blessing in disguise. Personally, I think that physical distance can be a huge asset to a relationship, especially in the early stages. I dated in guy who lived in Denver when I was in San Francisco. We talked on the phone at least once a day. We really got to know each other, because it was impossible to substitute sex or dinner for the act of communicating. It created a foundation, and a pattern of behavior, that was based on communication rather than physical acts.

What dance moves are also good in the bedroom?
The full split is always exciting.

Will, 29, champion cyclist

Has becoming a champion given you more confidence in bed?
Actually, the euphoria of winning only lasts a few days max. You’re only as good as your last race, so briefly, perhaps, and then it’s back to the grindstone.

I have herpes and just started dating a guy I really like. We haven’t slept together yet. Any advice for how to break it to him?
I would email him. That way you can include a link to some info, just in case he’s curious about the facts and he needs some time to think about it.

Are bi-coastal relationships sustainable?
Yes, actually. If you’ve ever had a stressful job, having them too close to you can actually be worse. Airfares are cheap and flights are not that long. I also think having quality time is better than quantity.

Do you have cycling groupies?
Here in the U.S.A. cycling is one step above archery in terms of glamour, so no, no groupies.

How do you use your champion status to your benefit when you’re picking up girls?
Not telling them anything is the best thing you can do. They’ll most likely feel like they have to compete with you, which can sour everything. Just say you like cycling and then bring it up later in the relationship.


Suzi, 29, champion gay squash player

I’m going to my first orgy, and I’m worried that sex with several people at once will be awkward. Any advice?
Everyone looks better in subdued lighting. And don’t be greedy — yes, an orgy is an excuse to be a whore, but show some restraint. Pace yourself.

How do you use your champion status to your benefit when picking up girls?
Since squash is not a well-known sport, that in and of itself is a good icebreaker. I try to work into the conversation my high level of endurance, flexibility and tolerance for discomfort.

What do you think of anonymous no-strings sexual encounters via Craigslist?
Bad idea. You’re better off at home with your vibrator and a pint of ice cream.

What supposedly fun location for sex is overrated?
There are three that I’ve done once and don’t care to do again. Public restroom stall: the cleanliness issue, the cramped quarters and a total lack of privacy. The library: it’s difficult to be quiet. Libraries have amazing acoustics. Then there’s the problem of choosing the least-popular section of the library; the natural sciences & mathematics section is not as unpopular as one would think. And the beach: I don’t care if you have sex in the middle of a fifty-foot-by-fifty-foot blanket, you’re still going to get sand in sensitive places.

Do you have gay squash groupies?
Not nearly as many as I would like.


Erik “The Red” Denmark, 29, champion competitive eater
www.erikdenmark.blogspot.com


I’m a big girl. What should I wear to look sexy?
There are actually a lot of guys out there who are into big girls. They probably want to see what you have — the nastier the better. Show your tits and your ass with confidence. Throw out the bait and you never know what you might catch.

How can becoming a champion improve my sex life?
Women dig a guy who can throw down a lot of food and maintain a good physique. It means you either work out a lot or you have good genetics, which are both attractive qualities. My girlfriend is skinny and likes to eat a lot as well. I think that’s super-sexy. And sex in the trophy room is highly encouraged.

I’ve been dating a guy for a few months, and I’m on the pill so I recently suggested we stop using condoms. He insisted we keep using them “just to be safe.” Should I be concerned he has an STD or is cheating on me?
No, don’t freak out just because a guy wants to be safe. When you don’t use a condom and are just relying on birth control, all of the responsibility is on the girl to remember to take the pill. That can be scary for a guy.

I’m terrible at picking up guys in loud, chaotic clubs. What advice can you give me to improve my skills?
Don’t beat around the bush. If you think a guy is hot, just go ask for his number and tell him you will call him — you can get to know him later. Guys like a girl who doesn’t play games, especially at the club, where it’s usually a hyper-testosterone meatfest.

What supposedly fun location for sex is overrated?
Sex on an airplane. Unless you have a private jet, how the hell are you supposed to have sex in those freaking bathrooms? Now, if you are happen to be flying with your significant other on an empty flight and manage to get a whole row of seats to yourselves, grab a couple of blankets and let her take a nap on your lap if you know what I mean.

Dan, 36, champion air guitarist
www.bjornturoque.com

My boyfriend takes a long time to get off. How can we keep things interesting till orgasm?
Hand him a digital camera and have him film you while you’re having sex. Many guys these days have been numbed by their overexposure to porn, so if you suddenly cast yourself in your own porno, he may find this stimulating. Also, put your fingers in his mouth, get them nice and wet, then rub your clit.

I’m terrible at picking up guys in loud, chaotic clubs. How can I improve my skills?
You’ll need to rely on the visual tools in your flirtation arsenal: eye contact, cleavage, tight pants or short skirt. But mostly, eye contact. You can lure a guy in just by glancing at him repeatedly and then looking away.

I’ve been dating a guy for a few months, and I’m on the pill so I recently suggested we stop using condoms. He insisted we keep using them “just to be safe.” Should I be concerned he has an STD or is cheating on me?
If he’s like any of the air guitarists I know, he’s likely a breeding ground — his scrotum and/or foreskin a veritable Petri dish — for STDs. Keep the condom until you can get him tested under strict supervision.

I’m a guy who likes to get slapped around in bed. Where can I find girls who’ll be into this?
At a rock-paper-scissors competition, or prison.

Are bi-coastal relationships sustainable?
I’m currently sustaining several relationships on myriad coasts. Thanks to the advent of free video-chat software like Skype and iChat, bi-coastal relationships have finally become sustainable.
 

Interviews by Kristin Gangwer. Sex Advice From… appears on Thursdays. Have questions for the general public? Send them to sexadvicefrom@nerve.com.

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