Sex Advice From Chris Hardwick

The Nerdist founder and stand-up comic on posture, porn stars, and the importance of nerd unity. 

by Alex Heigl

You may recognize Chris Hardwick as the co-host of MTV's erstwhile dating show Singled Out. But he also founded, maintains a prolific podcasting schedule, and presides over a veritable empire of geekery, including contributions to G4's Attack of the Show and Wired Magazine. He's also a stand-up comic whose newest special, Mandroid, premieres this Saturday, November 10, at 11 p.m. EST on Comedy Central.

What's the one thing we should know about your comedy special?
Basically, I've pumped a neurotoxin through the TV sets of America, the antidote to which is composed of very simple household chemicals, and the formula for that antidote is laid out in the special. So it's crucial — not just for my ego and for comedy — but for the survival of humanity in general, that everyone watch this special.

You and Wil Wheaton were roommates in college. Let's say both of you are single, and you're out at a bar trying to pick up chicks. Who does better?
Oh, Wheaton for sure. We were friends when he was doing Star Trek, and we'd go out, and these girls would just flock to Wil, and he was always very uncomfortable with it. He'd be like, "Uh, thanks. Leave us alone." And I'd be next to him saying, "Wil, what are you doing? People are throwing gold at your feet, in the form of sex!" He was never really comfortable with it, but you know, he's got the beard, and he's... Wil. I mean, c'mon. Wouldn't you?  

Yes, emphatically. You've talked about taking "baby steps" into interacting with people, dating, etc.
Well, they were baby steps in the sense that every two or three inches, I would fall on my face. I dated around some, but I've always been a serial monogamist. I don't know how people date around a lot, and not want to stab themselves in the face with a sharp object.

The top comment on the YouTube video that I'm referencing above is, and I quote, "Oh my god Chris Hardwick is so gorgeous." How do you deal with being a sex symbol for nerds?
I don't know. I don't think I am. I think it's part of the comic gene, where 100 people could say something nice to you, and one person will say, "You're dumb," and you immediately think, "Yeah, you know, I think am dumb." I think there's some inability to read a bunch of comments that are all nice and say, "You know, you guys are all right, and I agree with you." I just can't do it.

Here's a quick advice question: My girlfriend is really vocal in bed, but I personally don't really think there's any way for guys to be vocal in bed without it sounded really weird and porn-y. Any tips?
Go in with a script and just start referencing stuff from your favorite movies. Mine would be like, "We've got bush!" or "He slimed me." Or just as you're about to climax, yell "Eighty-eight miles per hour!"

You worked with both Jenny McCarthy and Carmen Electra on Singled Out. At this point, Carmen Electra — strangely — looks like the saner one. Is that fair to say?
I haven't really talked to Jenny that much over the years, and I certainly haven't really sat down and talked to her about what she's saying. I don't really trust the media that much  we live in such a headline culture that something she said could have very easily been taken and blown out of proportion. And she's always been very sweet to me on an interpersonal level; we had a very sibling-like relationship. Of course, I don't have kids, and if a former game-show host came on TV and was like, "Hey, here's a thing you should do with your kids," I would probably consult my doctor about that. But that's it. If celebrities say things you don't agree with, don't do it. 


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