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Sex Advice From Comedian Jim Norton
"The only way to get over rejection is to get rejected and realize it’s not as scary as you think."
BY ANITA FLORES
Comedian Jim Norton has never been shy about his sex life, or anything for that matter. His unapologetic views on hatred of the media, love for prostitutes, and defense of controversial jokes quite possibly makes him the most honest comic alive. Jim is a frequent contributor to Opie and Anthony, The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, and Totally Biased with Kamau Bell. His third stand up special, "American Degenerate," premieres November 21st on Netflix.
In your new special “American Degenerate,” you talk about sitting next to a man on a flight that “smelled delicious.” What’s the most attractive smell a woman can give off?
It’s completely subjective because if I have a chemical attraction to somebody, I like to smell the woman’s armpit. Not stinky like an animal. If I’m attracted to a girl and we have good chemistry, I don’t want her to wear deodorant. I think that smell is really sexy.
Your last special, “Please be Offended” only came out a year ago. Do your jokes have a shelf life? Do you throw them out after a certain amount of time?
Yeah, once they’re filmed. Occasionally they just come up during the set. Right now, I’m trying to do a new hour of material because people have already seen my other stuff. Jokes can only really catch you off guard once, so I have about forty new minutes now. I kind of get sick of jokes, so I like to dump them when I get bored.
Is there any subject you’re sick of hearing about that comedians have been discussing?
It’s hard to say because when I think something’s old and tired it pops up in the news again ,so I get why guys are talking about it. Comedians having shitty cars, that’s kind of a tired subject. Fast food jokes are usually tired but you know even the tired subject sounds great if the right comedian does it.
In “Degenerate” you’re not shy about your love for a woman’s body. How can a man respectfully compliment a woman he’s just met?
My instinct would be to go like, “You’re really pretty, you remind me of a girl I fucked once.” That’s probably not the right way to say it.
Have you used that line before?
No, I’m kidding, of course not. I’m so awkward with that stuff. I guess if there’s something on a woman you like. If it’s her smile, her hair, whatever you like, the only way to just walk up and do it is just genuinely and sincerely. Not lustfully, like if you see a woman’s breasts, don’t walk up and look at her tits and go, “Nice shirt.” You’re kind of being dishonest there. But it’s kind of hard because women hear it all the time. It would be better if you could tell a woman, “I think you’re really funny. I enjoyed listening to you talk about that. It was a great point you made.” I think that’s a compliment that would go farther, a non-physical compliment.
In terms of success rate, do you find that more women are attracted to you being more aggressive or more soft spoken?
The time I do best with women is usually after a show because if they see you behaving a certain way onstage, they enjoy you. Then they talk to you in real life and they see the similarities between your stage act and the differences. They see you as kind of a complete person, so I tend to do better there. When they can see you as a complete person.
If an aspiring comic sleeps with a more successful comedian, will it heighten their chances of becoming successful?
It might if they’re good. I don’t fuck female comics. To me they’re very funny and enjoyable but I don’t really want to have sex with most of them and even if they’re attractive, it doesn’t really matter. I kind of enjoy them in a different way.
Is it possible for a stand up comedian to maintain a healthy relationship?
Absolutely. I know guys who do it. Don’t forget there are traveling salesmen, doctors who are on call, attorneys. There are a million jobs that keep you out of the house or bartenders who deal with people all night. I know guys that have great relationships.
You drank a girl’s pee, an ex-girlfriend made you lick your own semen off her breast. Am I right in assuming you like being dominated in bed?
At times, if it’s natural for the women. I don’t like a girl pretending to be something’s she’s not. I don’t want a girl who’s really submissive saying really corny dialogue like, “Ok bad boy, you’ve been naughty.” I’d laugh at her. But if someone is as dirty as my ex-girlfriend and tells me to “Clean it off, bitch” and means it, that turns me on. It was the act of her being so dirty, going into that dark place that turned me on so much. It wasn’t my own cum, which tasted horrible.
So now you know what it’s like for women?
Oh god yes. I give full warning now. I feel so guilty. All those times I just let it fly, terrible stuff.
“I'm 21 and in college. How do I go about finding a girl that is interested in the traditional way of dating (i.e. not going to a party and drunkenly hooking up)?”
You can meet people in different places, like in the library. Or now you guys have dating websites where you can find girls that don’t like to go to parties that don’t like to drink and would rather go to the movies. I’d say go on a dating website, there’s a million of them. Or go on Facebook and just find people that are looking for the same things as you are. I wish I had that when I was a teenager. You kind of just had to meet somebody, take a shot and hope for the best.
Isn’t online dating less romantic? People used to meet each other before the Internet existed. Was it harder back then?
I think that people were more willing to commit back then because the options weren’t limitless the way they are now. I don’t know if it was more romantic because the only difference between now and then is I think people find other people more replaceable because there are so many options online. Maybe it was more romantic back then, but I also think people got involved in relationships back then that they wouldn’t get involved in now, knowing that there’s other choices. So I think it works both ways.
“I'm kind of broke, where can I take a girl on a good, cheap date?”
I don’t know, I mean the park sounds so corny. Just kind of stupid, like you’re just sitting there on a bench, probably waiting for you to attack her. That doesn’t sound good.
Well if you go to the park at night maybe.
Yeah take her to the park at night. Just stand behind a shrub. Or you could take her to a mall and point out all the shit you’ll buy for her some day.
“I don't have much confidence around the opposite sex. I'm deathly afraid of rejection. Is there anything I can do to get over this fear?”
Yeah, get rejected and realize that you’re head doesn’t fall off. The only way to get over rejection is to get rejected and realize it’s not as scary as you think. I get rejected all the time. Also it depends on what you look like and who you’re hitting on. If you’re a 3 and you’re hitting on 10s, you’re probably going to have a 98% rejection rate. The one that does accept you is probably going to be a socio path. If you’re realistically hitting on people that would be interested in you, I’d guess there’s a 50 % success rate. But are you asking out women that are in relationships? They technically can’t count as rejection. Sometimes you just don’t know.
“What are some appropriate questions to ask on a first date?”
How many guys have you slept with? Does size matter to you? Do you shave everything?
Those questions should be asked all in a row right?
[Laughs] Rapid fire, before the appetizers get there. You do it as she’s ordering. She’s asking and you go, “Hold on a second,” in front of the waiter and then you ask her those questions. That let’s everyone know whether or not she gets to order is contingent upon her answers.