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Sex Advice From Competitive Eaters
Q: Why are competitive eaters better lovers? A: Most people stop when they’re sated. We keep driving on.
By Amanda Green
Eric “Steakbellie” Livingston, 40
Why are competitive eaters better lovers?
Everyone else stops when their passions have been sated. We keep driving on, long past the point of discomfort and nausea.
How do you tell someone you're interested in that you're a competitive eater?
Never ever talk about yourself. Use the time to get to know your new friend. He or she will Google your ass, anyway.
Is competitive eating a hobby or a lifestyle?
It’s more of a philosophy. We’re fascinated by life and want to see more things, run more miles, try every type of food and breathe more air than everyone else. I get to travel the country and share a meal (albeit a massive one) with the most interesting people.
When you go on a date, do you just eat one hotdog? Or eighty?
NASCAR drivers don’t go 200 m.p.h. when they’re driving around their neighborhoods. We don’t eat like animals all the time. If I’m not eating twenty hot dogs, I’m having just two with chopped onion and mustard.
My roommate in college had a theory that eating and sex were such intertwined drives, that you could watch a person eat and know what they would look like in bed. Now when I go to a restaurant, I spend most of my time people watching and not eating. Think about that the next time you’re out.
Oysters are supposed to be aphrodisiacs, and alcohol loosens everyone up. What food do you think is sexiest?
A girl with two large pizzas and a thirty-pack of Miller Lite would be on the cover of my porn magazine.
My boyfriend refuses to go down on me, because he says pubic hair is gross. I think completely waxing and looking like a child is gross. Is there any way we can compromise?
Both of you are sissies. I once had to eat eighty jalapenos in Chicago and then immediately get on a plane to Philadelphia via Atlanta. I was sweating vinegar and clutching the armrest in fiery pain. Even then, if my lady had wanted to join the mile-high club, she wouldn't have had to ask me twice. Toughen up and get the job done!
I met this cute guy at a gay club. We started flirting and went home together. I knew he was older, but I didn't realize he was twice my age! Is it worth pursuing him, or is that age difference too big to cross?
The best wine, cheeses, and steaks are aged. As long as you’re of consenting age, you should feel comfortable dating whomever you’re attracted to. An older man may have lived a rich full life and can share his experiences with you.
My ex and I broke up years ago on really bad terms, and lost all communication. Now, all of a sudden, she's back, and wants to get drinks as friends. I'm curious to see how she's doing, but am I making a mistake if I let her back into my life?
I think George W. Bush said it best: “Fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again."