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Sex Advice From . . . Costume Shop Employees

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Alita, 19 and Arman, 24
Spirit Halloween Superstores, 346 Sixth Avenue, NYC

What’s the best costume for:
A man looking to get laid?

Alita: The gangster costume is pretty hot.
Arman: It depends what kind of man you are. If you’re a muscular guy, you go with something with less coverage. If you’re into music, do some makeup, some rock star stuff. I’m going the KISS route this Halloween; it gets worn out after a while, but I haven’t done it yet.

A woman looking to get laid?
Alita: It’s gotta be either Elvira or the French maid.
Arman: I like the maids. The skimpier the better.

A couple on their first date?

Alita: We have a lot of really funny couple costumes. There’s the nut and the bolt that screw together.

What is the least sexy Halloween costume you can think of?
Alita: The inflatable penis.
Arman: There’s this one ballerina outfit that I’ve seen a couple of heinous people wearing. Sumo wrestler outfits never really work either.

Best costumes for partner role-playing?
Alita: Well, we have the whole gang from Scooby-Doo, so that might be good for a group.


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What sexual tendencies/characteristics do you associate with the following Halloween costumes:
A woman dressed up as a cat?
Alita: Just very sexual in general.
Arman: If it’s a good-looking lady, the sexual tension would be high.

A guy dressed up as a pimp?
Alita: Looking very desperately to get laid.
Arman: I would assume he usually doesn’t have too much luck on normal weekends.

What are the rules for dating multiple people at the same time?
Alita: In that situation, it just has to be casual.
Arman: There are not really any rules. You’re going to trip up eventually; it’s just a matter of how long you can keep it going.

What does every man want in bed?
Arman: Someone with as high a sex drive as they have.

What does every woman want?
Alita: Someone that’s not all over the place. You know what I’m talking about.
Arman: Multiple orgasms.

I went too far with a guy on the first date. How can I take step back now without giving him a speech about “slowing things down?”
Alita: No hope for you. Speech or not, you’ve already put it in his head. It’s too late.
Arman: You just have to be really prudish from there on out.

Male bisexuality: Myth or Reality?
Alita: Reality.
Arman: I don’t think so; it’s either one way or the other. Or else it’s just a cover-up for something that someone hasn’t really accepted yet.

Have you experienced female ejaculation? If so, how do you make it happen?
Alita: I have experienced it once. I don’t know how, though. It happened while my partner was giving me oral. I had been with this person more than once, but it was a one-time thing. I just can’t explain it; it was very strange.
Arman: I actually have experienced that. It was during oral, and it was pretty hot. It was like a scene out of a porno. I instantly felt like a female when that happened.

How can you casually ask someone if they’ve been tested for STDs?
Alita: In a completely casual setting, in a conversation during the course of the day, in a completely different context than the bedroom.
Arman: When I was younger, I used to hint, but as I got older and more paranoid, I just went straight out, “Do you have AIDS?”

My boyfriend and I can only see each other for a few hours every week. When I get home from work, I’m usually stressed out and tired, just not in the mood. Meanwhile, my boyfriend is raring to go. How should we deal with this? Is it wrong to schedule sex?
Alita: I think he should try to get you in the mood when you’re home from work. I actually had a boyfriend who was pretty good at that, with a nice bottle of wine and some music. You can’t schedule sex; that’s just not right.
Arman: You just have to find time to see each other. You can’t schedule it, then it becomes more like an escort service.

What’s the most frightening sexual experience you’ve had? How can others learn from it?
Alita: I was at a party where there were a bunch of people tripping, and everybody was hitting on each other in really strange ways. It was very weird. It just made me think that acid and sex don’t fit together.
Arman: I had a one-night stand in California with a Jamaican stripper. We were in a hotel I was staying at for my brother’s wedding, and she happened to have weed, so we smoked a couple of joints. I remember us having a sixty-niner. Her breasts were really fake. So then I started to think that I was eating out a guy. As we switched positions and the lighting changed, I realized she was a woman. So then we went out to eat.

Do you have any tips for finding the G-spot?
Alita: Just get there quicker.
Arman: Well, I’ve hit it on a couple of women; it really seems like it’s on different places in different women. Two out of three times I’ve found it inside and back, toward the person.

My boyfriend broke up with me, but still wants “to be friends.” I’m okay with that, but I’d still like for us to have sex until he or I start dating someone we like better. How can I make this happen?
Alita: I think it’s definitely possible to have a casual sexual relationship as long as both parties are comfortable. But that’s the key — that everybody is comfortable with it.
Arman: Continue being intimate with him, but don’t make it too emotional. And begin to gradually decrease the frequency.

What scary movie is good for getting laid?
Alita: For some reason, all scary movies are good at turning you on. Something like Texas Chainsaw Massacre, that works.
Arman: It would probably have to be one of the numerous scenes from Friday the 13th that I watched as teenager. I remember getting an erection while watching Jason kill people.

Blaine, 26
Halloween Adventure, 104 4th Ave., NYC

What’s the best costume for:
A man looking to get laid?
Something that requires a uniform.

A woman looking to get laid?
Halloween is kind of like slut-for-a-day for a lot of ladies, so the costumes are all really tiny and they’re all wearing something like Little Miss Muffet or something from a fairy tale. That always works well.

A couple on their first date?

I don’t like couples’ costumes. Usually the girl wants a sexy costume and the guy is an afterthought. The girl will be like, “I want to be a princess, and you can be Prince Charming.” And the guy’s just standing around being like, “I’ll be whatever you want me to be,” especially if it’s the first date.

What is the least sexy Halloween costume?
Some sort of fat suit — that’s always disgusting. Or when they try to be funny, like they do a Siegfried and Roy thing together: the guy will be Roy, covered in blood, and the girl will be a tiger.

Best costumes for role-playing?
The nurse costume is super popular, and then there’s the naughty schoolgirl…

What sexual tendencies/characteristics do you associate with the following Halloween costumes:
A woman dressed up as a cat?
She’s very unimaginative.

A woman dressed up as a hooker?
That’s one of those costumes that people do in couples — pimps and hos. It’s generally the person that’s like, “It’s so not me! I’m going to be a ho for a day! It’s so crazy!” I think they tend to be somewhat prudish.

A guy dressed as a pimp?
Usually it’s a Wall Street guy who’s kind of nerdy, super buttoned down and just wants to feel like a king for a day.

A guy dressed up as Dracula?
If he does it cool — there are some nice vampire costumes — then he’s slick and suave.

What are the do’s and don’ts of using masks or blindfolds during sex?
Just bring it up beforehand, and don’t be creepy.

What does every man want in bed?
They always say threesomes, but I don’t think that’s true. I mean, I wouldn’t say no, but why would you say no?

Every woman?
That, I’m ashamed to admit, I do not know.

My boyfriend and I can only see each other for a few hours every week. How can we maximize our intimacy in the little time we have?
If you only have one day a week together — that’s kind of what it is like for me right now — the mistake is to plan a million things for that day like, "Oh we’re going to maximize our time." It’s like, "I just want to sit here and do nothing with you." I want it to be a relaxing day together not so much a checklist of things to do.

What’s the most frightening sexual experience you’ve had? How can others learn from it?
No one was home, and things took place, and when all was said and done I looked outside and the car was in the driveway. The family was home and I was like, Oh no, someone must have seen what was going on! Make sure no one else is home [when you’re having sex]. Or, if you think no one else is home, just keep an ear open.

After my girlfriend and I have sex, I always try to get her to talk about what felt good, but she won’t give me specifics. I think she’s embarrassed. How do I get her to open up and communicate?
You don’t want to be super obscenity man, but if you use the language freely — if you say things relaxed over and over — she might be more comfortable saying things. Or if you started telling her things you liked or didn’t like with liberal use of language, she might feel more relaxed.

My boyfriend broke up with me, but still wants to be "friends.” I’m okay with that, but I’d still like for us to have sex until he or I start dating someone we like better. How can I make this happen?
That’s a bad idea all the way, because it’s not really completely over. Not only that, when you go into your next relationship, it’s like breaking up two times.

Period sex: yes or no? Do you have any tips for doing it?
Well, you can pursue other avenues, if you catch my meaning. You can use protection if you’re phobic of germs. Sometimes they’re super into it, so I’m up for it.

What is a good scary movie to rent that will get you laid?
Pretty Woman is kind of scary sometimes.

What is your biggest sexual fear and how do you overcome it?
My biggest sexual fear is that I look as stupid as I feel sometimes, but no one’s watching other than the other person. It’s like you just got to feel relaxed. Some people are super uptight about their bodies, some people just got to be relaxed. Just relax. It’s fun.

Donna
Ricky’s Greenwich Village, 44 East 8th, NYC
Visit Donna’s Website

What’s the best costume for a man looking to get laid?
Everyone likes the cowboy thing.

What about for a woman?
Unfortunately, for women, it seems as though the more flesh you show the more men are interested. Men don’t really look at costuming.

What is the least sexy Halloween costume for men and women?
I’d say those outer space kind of ugly things. Yeah, those are really [shudders]. Who wants to sleep with a creepy, crawly slimy person? Though we all probably have. [Laughs.]

What sexual tendencies/characteristics do you associate with the following Halloween costumes:
A woman dressed up as a cat?

That’s a woman who’s sexually repressed. She hasn’t built herself up to be a strong, assertive woman.

A woman dressed up as a hooker?
I’d say probably the same thing. There’s a lot of sexual repression that comes out on Halloween. It’s great.

A guy dressed as a pimp?
Wishful thinking.

A guy dressed up as Dracula?

I think the same thing. Anyone that dresses as a vampire, it’s pretty obvious. You want to be seductive, you want to be powerful, and you may be afraid to express it on a regular basis. And you want eternal youth without plastic surgery.

What are the do’s and don’ts of using masks or blindfolds during sex?
The most important thing is that the person wearing the mask wants to be wearing it.

What are the rules for dating multiple people at once?
No matter what, somebody’s gonna get a bug up their ass. There are no rules, and you have to realize that if you’re going to have multiple partners.

You’re in a committed relationship. Under what circumstances would you let your partner sleep with someone else?
It would probably be a situation where we would both be with another woman at the same time.

I went too far with a guy on a first date. How can I take a step back now without giving him a speech about “slowing down” or “gaining respect?”
You can’t. And if he disrespects you in the morning, he’s an idiot who still equates sex with sin. Move on.

Male bisexuality: Myth or Reality?
Oh, it’s a huge reality. A huge reality that most of them can’t deal with.

Female ejaculation: ever experience it? How can you make it happen?
I’ve experienced it, but I can’t say why it does and doesn’t happen, and I can’t say that the orgasm was any better because of it.

How can you casually ask someone if they’ve been tested for STDs?

Again, there’s no need to be casual. Your life could be on the line. And again, if a person does not understand that, move on.

My boyfriend and I can only see each other for a few hours every week. How can we maximize our intimacy in the little time we have?
Oral sex. [Laughs.]

I want to experiment with bringing other partners into my relationship. My partner isn’t into it. How can I convince him/her that sex does not equal love?
You can’t. That’s something that someone has to come to on their own.

What’s the best place or way to pick up a threesome partner?

Swinger parties and nude beaches. Nude beaches are the safest because some of them have a “Just Nudists” sections and a “Swingers” section. So, if you just want to observe without gawking — because they don’t deal well with gawking — you can.

Tips for finding the G-spot?

Um, yeah it’s there, but the clitoris is really more significant.

My boyfriend broke up with me, but still wants “to be friends.” I’m okay with that, but I’d still like for us to have sex until he or I start dating someone we like better. How can I make this happen?
Okay, very simple answer to this: friends don’t fuck. Lovers fuck.

Sex during your period: Yes or no? Any tips?

Of course. You don’t need lubricant. Still, use a condom, not just for STDs, but you can under certain circumstances get pregnant.

What’s a good scary movie to rent that will get you laid?

The Hunger with David Bowie and Catherine Deneuve. Best lesbian vampire seduction scene ever. The most sensual horror movie I’ve ever seen.

Stitch, 25
Gothic Renaissance, 108 4th Ave, NYC

What’s the best costume for:
A man looking to get laid?

Anything that’s tight and shows off his ass. Vinyl pants are a good staple for a man, but you can’t wear them baggy. You have to wear them tight, so they show off the guy’s ass and the front too. That’s always a plus. And we have men’s vinyl shirts that are really tight.

A woman looking to get laid?
She could wear a nice brochette corset with a chiffon skirt, fishnet thigh-highs, and garters, of course, with black lace panties.

A couple on their first date?
We have these tight bondage pants that are really great for guys. They’re really slimming but they also have buckles and restraints all over them so they look really intimidating. Plus a simple leather chest restraint. And she could wear some vinyl shorts with a vinyl bodice and have a slave collar with a ring and a chain. And some Cuban lace thigh-highs with a back seam.

What is the least sexy Halloween costume for men and for women?
No costume at all. You go to a Halloween party or a costume party and you’re wearing your everyday clothes — it’s horrible. It’s hideous and you shouldn’t even bother going.

Best costumes for partner role-playing?
A lot of couples like to do the whole maid-and-servant thing.

What sexual tendencies/characteristics do you associate with the following Halloween costumes:
A woman dressed up as a cat?
She’s daring and extremely seductive. She knows she can get away with a lot of things.

A woman dressed up as a hooker?
She’s going to be submissive, but a little bit dominant. She’s willing to do basically anything, because that’s what hookers do to get by.

A man dressed up as Richie Tenenbaum (Luke Wilson)?
I think he’d be very sly and romantic. He’d gently kiss and caress whomever, saying sweet little things very softly. He’d be very tender.

A guy dressed as a pimp?
You can do whatever you want with them.

A guy dressed up as Dracula?
Passionate with a hint of dark extremity.

You’re in a committed relationship. Under what circumstances would you let your partner sleep with someone else?
If it’s committed, it shouldn’t happen unless you’re openly polyamorous.

What does every man want in bed?
Oral Sex. That’s basically what most guys want. Blow jobs.

Every woman?
Oral sex.

I went too far with a guy on a first date. How can I take a step back now without giving him a speech about “slowing down” or “gaining respect?"
You can just be honest and say, “I really like you, but I don’t want a relationship if it’s going to be based solely on sex. What happened was initial lust, but I’d really like to get to know you as a friend or companion and actually try to base the relationship on that instead of basing a relationship completely on lustful sex that really doesn’t have any emotional ties to it.”

Male bisexuality: myth or reality?
Absolute reality. Every guy is bisexual. It’s not like every guy’s going to put a cock in their mouth, but a little bisexual in their own way.

How can you casually ask someone if they’ve been tested for STDs?
You could say, "A friend of mine found out they’re HIV positive. It was really upsetting. You know, I was tested about six months ago and I found out that I didn’t have anything. Have you ever been tested before?”

My girlfriend never instigates sex, and I always have to make the first move. How do I get her to be more proactive?
You can get one of those sex games that they have now. Those games are basically created for the purpose of having partners initiate situations and sexual advances and stuff. You roll the dice, and one’s an action and the other’s a part of the body. You can have the other person initiate something and have a good time doing it.

My boyfriend and I can only see each other for a few hours every week. How can we maximize our intimacy in the little time we have?
Think about a fantasy or role-play theme. Get it all prepared so when you have those couple of hours to spend together, you have a script to go by that will make it daring and different.

I want to experiment with bringing other partners into my relationship. My partner isn’t into it. How can I convince him/her that sex does not equal love?
By showing them that you actually give a shit about emotions and feelings and wants and everything else, because those little things are the things that make a relationship matter. It’s not just saying “I love you” that means you love a person. It’s little things like waking up in the morning and having that cup of coffee already made for you or having a rose brought to you every once in a while, out of the blue. Those are the things that show love that you don’t necessarily have to have sex for.

Best place to pick up a threesome partner?
Definitely a club with a theme toward the type of people you like to be around.

My boyfriend takes forever to come. Any tips to make it happen faster? Or should I bring it up? If so, how?
Always have lube handy. It’s very good regardless of what you’re doing. You can use your finger — make sure your nails are cut — and while you’re giving him a blowjob, or even while he’s having sex with you, during penetration, you gently slide a lubed finger up his ass and massage the prostate gland.

After my girlfriend and I have sex, I always try to get her to talk about what felt good, but she won’t give me specifics. How do I get her to communicate?
Share an intimate experience with her. Together you could take your clothes off and masturbate for her. Discuss things while you’re having sex to make it a little bit more open.

My boyfriend broke up with me, but still wants to be "friends.” I’m okay with that, but I’d still like for us to have sex until he or I start dating someone we like better. How can I make this happen?
That’s kind of hard. It means you’re still going out, kind of. You can’t have it both ways. Sometimes you can, but most times you can’t.

What is a good scary movie to rent that will get you laid?
I’ve always been a fan of Nightmare on Elm Street.

What is your biggest sexual fear and how can someone can help you through it?
I’d say getting a sexually transmitted disease from a partner that I trust. They can help me through it by not fucking around behind my back.


Interviews by Mark Harrison, Catherine Adcock, Alexandra Mack and Kate Sullivan.

Sex Advice From… appears on Thursdays. Do you have sex-advice questions for the general public? Send them to sexadvicefrom@nerve.com.


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