Advice

Sex Advice From Cougars

Pin it

Using a handsome young intern as bait, we tracked down some sexy older women.

Caree, 44 

What's sexy about sleeping with younger guys?
Their emotions are closer to the surface. Their physical condition is still refined. They have a sense of adventure. It’s like a ride in a sports car versus the family sedan.

Besides age and experience, what makes cougars good in bed?
Honesty. I tell my partner what I want physically. And that makes it so much easier on him. Saying what you want makes for less fumbling about, less embarrassment overall, and a more satisfying time for both of us. Being comfortable with your own body and sexuality is something that one only acquires with age and experience.

What’s the best thing about a cougar?
We are confident, and not constrained by false social norms. Older men have been dating younger women forever — we believe an older woman can date a younger man, too. That’s called a level playing field. That said, there’s a physical component; we have to stay fit. And, as a woman ages, her intelligence and demeanor play more of a part in her attractiveness.  

What's the best way to pick up a cougar?

The same as anyone else — find each other through the things you both like to do. Things like the gym, surfing, wine-tastings, or whatever. The old grocery always works for me. Lettuce run away together!

I'm an older woman looking to start a lasting relationship with a younger man. Is this a possibility, or is being a cougar all about the sex?
Sweetie, I can have new partner anytime I choose. So can you. But being a cougar is not all about the sex. If you are interested in a relationship with anyone, then the time-honored rules apply. Ask yourself: do I feel chemistry with this man? Do you share things in common as a starting point for a relationship? How about your personalities? Values?  Sex gets talked about twenty-four/seven, but the act itself takes up much less of the week.  

My mom and my girlfriend are the same age. I'd like to introduce them, but I'm feeling a bit awkward about it. What's the best way to prepare my mother?

If your mom has been paying attention, she already knows you prefer to date older women, so dump the same-age guilt. She, in theory, loves you for who you are and, within reason, will try to be accepting of anyone you choose to bring home. Time to man up and speak to your mother as the adult you’ve become. Suggest a meeting to introduce them. Select a neutral ground like a nice restaurant. Have lunch. Go shopping. Maybe they share a sense of style. Don’t expect too much.

Also, it might be hard on your girlfriend if she senses your reluctance/uncertainty. These are your issues. Deal with them. You should be proud to introduce your girlfriend as your girlfriend to both friends and family. 

All of my friends tell me I'm too easy and that's why guys never call me back. How do I play hard to get?

What tortured lives we lead. What is it that you are offering that draws them in the first place? Sex? BBQ ribs? What? Pretend you are a restaurant. Your customers are coming in once and then don’t return. Offer better food. Improve yourself. Improve your surroundings. Stomp out those personality quirks. Then mark up the price. The better you feel about yourself, the more selective you will become in who you are willing to embrace. Playing hard to get is sexy; being hard to get is sexier.

My boyfriend just got a job in another state, but I need to stay put because I'm still in school. I don't want to break up with him, but I'll miss the sex. How can I make long-distance work with such a high libido?

If you are intelligent enough to know that schooling is important to you and your future, then some self-pleasuring is advised. Try to burn off some of that pent-up desire with hard exercise. And do I need to say that two fingers have other uses aside from measuring shots? 


Lucia, "Old enough to be a cougar"



What's the best way to pick up a cougar? 
If a cougar is interested, you just need to start a conversation. Even if you are nervous and say something dumb, she’ll be more forgiving than younger women, because she knows how difficult it is for a man to approach a woman he’s interested in. Whatever you do, don’t use a pick-up line — she’s heard them all and it’s a total turn off.

What's sexy about sleeping with younger guys?
Besides everything? They look great — and they usually have sexy six-packs, stamina, and endurance. Plus, they're attentive, eager to please, and willing to learn.

I'm an older woman looking to start a lasting relationship with a younger man. Is this a possibility, or is being a cougar all about the sex?

It is absolutely feasible! The old definition of being a cougar was just about having sex with younger guys, but more and more cougars and cubs are now having long term relationships and getting married.

My mom and my girlfriend are the same age. I'd like to introduce them, but I feel a bit awkward about it. What's the best way to prepare my mother?
Mothers are usually not too happy to learn that their sons are dating a woman close to them in age. Understand she may not accept it at first. She may be wondering if this means there won’t be any grandchildren or she may be worried that your girlfriend is using you and will break your heart. Have a conversation with her and let her know you understand she may have some concerns, but you are happy with your girlfriend and hope she will be happy for you. Do not insist that they meet until your mother is ready.

I've been dating someone for five months and he still hasn't called me his girlfriend. I'm not sleeping with anyone else, and I really don't think he is either. Should I just assume that I'm his girlfriend and stop being hung up on the label, or should I talk to him about it? 

Never assume! If he hasn’t said it, you probably aren’t. The best way to handle this is to say, “Several guys have asked me out lately, and I wasn’t sure if I should accept, because even though we’ve been dating for five months, we’ve never defined our relationship. What should I tell them?” If he doesn’t say you’re his girlfriend, then you can continue to see him, but you should definitely start to date other guys.  He doesn’t have a right to your exclusivity if he isn’t willing to “claim” you.

I told my girlfriend my "number" last week, and now she’s mad. It's a pretty high number, but in my defense, she begged me to tell her. How can I convince her the number of past sexual partners isn’t such a big deal?

You can’t! That’s why I suggest you never give your number unless it’s in the single digits. 



All of my friends tell me I'm too easy and that's why guys never call me back. How do I play hard to get?

It’s not about playing hard to get, it’s about being a high-value woman. There’s no point in being hard to get and then being a doormat and not setting boundaries once someone has you. Be open and available, but also love yourself.  The way to do that is to not do anything that doesn’t feel good, including not having sex with someone until you are sure they are interested in “you” and not just the sex.



Victoria, 40

What's the best way to pick up a cougar?

I feel the best way to pick up a cougar is the same way you would meet any love interest. Cougars look for a confident, charming, witty, fun guy who knows he has something to offer a strong mature woman. There is an element of chemistry or maybe just a mutual attraction. Be yourself, because we all know woman can tell when you are not.     

What's sexy about sleeping with younger guys?

Younger men are hot because they have tons of energy and stamina. They are typically not set in their ways and can be very flexible. Some cougars like the chase, but I am aggressive myself and like to get straight to the point. A lot of younger men like this because women can sometimes be hard to figure out. 

I'm an older woman looking to start a lasting relationship with a younger man. Is this a possibility, or is being a cougar all about the sex?
For me, being a cougar means knowing what you want and going after it! Having the confidence and knowledge to know you do not have to settle for less than what you want! It’s like any relationship: find what works for you and your partner. That is where cutting through the chase comes in! If it is not all about sex for you, do not make it all about sex.


My mom and my girlfriend are the same age. I'd like to introduce them, but I'm feeling a bit awkward about it. What's the best way to prepare my mother?
Be honest and let her know how old your girlfriend is. Then she will be prepared and ready to meet her. If your mom has a problem with it, let her know you really like this person and give her time.

All of my friends tell me I'm too easy and that's why guys never call me back. How do I play hard to get?
Number-one thing: do not sleep with him on the first date!  

My boyfriend just got a job in another state, but I need to stay put because I'm still in school. I don't want to break up with him, but I'll miss the sex. How can I make long distance work with such a high libido?
This is easy for the younger generation. You have Skype and Gchat and powerful vibrators. There’s nothing to complain about! 

I’ve been with my girlfriend for more than a decade, and she just told me she’s been finding herself attracted to men and wants us to open up the relationship so she can explore that. I want to be supportive because I love her, but an open relationship just isn’t something I’m comfortable with. What should I do? 
Take a break! She may decide the grass is not always greener and that you are the one for her. If not, it was not meant to be.