Advice

Sex Advice from . . . Cryptographers

Pin it
 REGULARS
Sex advice...

  Send to a Friend
  Printer Friendly Format
  Leave Feedback
  Read Feedback
  Nerve RSS

Andrew, 27
The heat in our apartment isn’t working properly and the weather has turned so cold we don’t want to get undressed. How can my partner and I maintain our sex life till the heat’s fixed?
Go to the library or Barnes & Noble. Do it in the stacks.

I think my girlfriend is cheating on me and I want to read her email. How can I find out what her password is?
If you think she’s cheating on you, she probably is and it’s not worth your time. But if you really wanted to, I’ve gotten emails from a company claiming to be Citibank. They’ll say I need to update my information and when I go to the site they ask for my log-in and password. When you submit that it goes somewhere else, not to Citibank. If you wanted to do that to your girlfriend, you could set up a web page that looked like her email company, send her an email like the Citibank email and have her submit her password.

How can I tell if my girlfriend is faking her orgasms?
No one’s ever faked an orgasm with me.

How do you know?
I guess there’s no way to know, short of asking. But no one’s ever faked with me, so it’s hard for me to say. I think the best thing to do is ask, and if she denies it, just try to enjoy the fact that she’s faking it for you.

Tal, 35
My date is chatting with me and laughing at my jokes. How can I tell if she really likes me or if she’s just being polite?
Eye contact is a big signal. If she’s looking everywhere except in your eyes, that’s a bad sign. But in general, I’d advise you to stop overanalyzing this. If you’re having fun, she probably is too. There’s probably chemistry there.

The guy I’ve been dating for a few weeks has always picked up the check at restaurants, happily and without hesitation. Lately, though, he seems more reluctant to pay every time we go out. Does he just want me to chip in, or is this a signal that he’s losing interest?
He’s not necessarily trying to give you some big hint about some larger problem here. Maybe he just doesn’t think that he should always have to pay. He could have been paying in the beginning because it’s romantic, but maybe now he’s just getting slightly annoyed that you never offer. I wouldn’t bring it up as if it’s a big conversation that you have to discuss, but next time you go out maybe you could just say, “Why don’t you let me get the bill this time?”

How can I tell if my girlfriend is faking her orgasms?
But I guess if she does it every single time, and it happens very quickly, and it’s very easy to get her to orgasm, maybe it’s fake. Or maybe you’re just lucky. Ask her if you could watch her masturbate herself to orgasm so you’ll see how it looks when it’s real. Then you’ll have something to compare it to.

promotion

There’s a girl who lives in my building who I’m very interested in, but I’m wary of dating a neighbor. If things went sour, we’d always have awkward meetings in the elevator, the laundry room, etc. Should I ask her out anyway?
You should definitely ask her out. Somehow the building doesn’t seem like as big a deal as, say, the office. Even if she worked in your office as a colleague, I would say ask her out, but I’d put the threshold much higher. You would need to really, really like her. Whereas in the building I’d put the threshold a little lower. The price is worth it. Elevators are awkward anyway.

The heat in our apartment isn’t working properly and the weather has turned so cold we don’t want to get undressed. How can my partner and I maintain our sex life till the heat’s fixed?
There are several things you could do. You could have sex in the shower or a hot bath. You could also get yourselves warm with some exercise first, like chasing each other around the house. This is a bit cumbersome, but you could have sex under a heavy down blanket. It’s kind of fun to be under a big down blanket. And I also think it’s only cold in the beginning. Once you and your partner get going and your heart is beating fast, your body will warm up naturally. We have this radiator that is actually very pleasant to be next to. If it were big enough, I would say have the sex on top of that.

I’m a woman who just lost my job. My boyfriend and I are both very success-oriented overachievers. Now suddenly he’s successful and I’m not, and there’s a power imbalance between us. This has made me not want to be penetrated by him — psychologically, it just makes me feel even more subservient than I already do. What should we do to keep our sex life from withering?
I have two different answers. Sexually speaking, there are many things you can do that don’t involve penetration. You can masturbate, you can have oral sex. You should do other things and enjoy them. But on the other hand, you shouldn’t feel like this. People lose their jobs all the time. You shouldn’t feel you have to be penetrated for your boyfriend, but you might want to work on the psychological aspects of this for yourself.

Homin, 23
I think my girlfriend is cheating on me and I want to read her email. How can I find out what her password is?
Most significant others end up telling each other their passwords. If you wanted to be really sneaky you could put one of those keyboard trackers under her keyboard. It records all the keystrokes of her computer.

I’m a woman who just lost my job. My boyfriend and I are both overachievers. Now suddenly he’s successful and I’m not, and there’s a power imbalance. This has made me not want to be penetrated by him. What should we do?
You could try to persevere through it by just trading blowjobs all the time. Or, if you did discuss it with your boyfriend you might find he’s amenable to being penetrated himself. That role reversing might help you get over your issues. If you feel more powerful in the bedroom, that could translate to real life.

There’s a girl who lives in my building who I’m very interested in, but I’m wary of dating a neighbor. Should I ask her out anyway?
I’ve been doing research into whether people return crushes or not. Like say you have this crush on this girl in your building, a good protocol for figuring out whether she has a crush on you is if there’s a mutually trusted third-party who you can both tell about your crush. If you go to this person and say, “I have a crush on this girl in my building,” there’s a good chance that if the girl has the same crush she’ll approach this person as well. Chances are the trusted person will come back and tell both of you. Then you’ll know if you should ask her out.

The heat in our apartment isn’t working properly and the weather has turned so cold we don’t want to get undressed. How can my partner and I maintain our sex life till the heat’s fixed?
Wear silk long-underwear with strategically placed holes. It’s flesh-like and smooth to the touch.

I’ve been dating this woman for about a year. She has a kid. I want nothing to do with a child, but now that our relationship has turned into something long-term, am I obligated to be more a part of this child’s life?
If you’re going to be in a serious relationship with this woman you pretty much have no choice. You’ve committed yourself to dealing with everything about this person. Try to find some way to relate to the kid. Find something about it you enjoy. You might just assume you don’t like doing the same things kids like to do, but they don’t just hang out on the playground all the time, and they’re not just screaming-and-shitting machines.

Yevgenyi, 29
The guy I’ve been dating for a few weeks has always happily paid when we go to a restaurant. Lately he seems more reluctant. Is this a signal that he’s losing interest? Should I say something to him?
If you’re going out with this guy just to get free dinners, you should keep going out with him for as long as he pays. If you’re thinking of this more as a long-term thing, maybe this guy is just having trouble affording all these expensive restaurants. It depends on the status of both people. If the woman is wealthy, she could at least offer. The guy will probably say no.

I’ve been dating this woman for about a year. She has a kid. I want nothing to do with a child, but now that our relationship has turned into something long-term, am I obligated to be more a part of this child’s life?
If the woman is important, you should seriously consider making the kid a part of your life. In an extreme case you could tell her you don’t want him to be part of your life, but not many women will say, “For you, I will send the kid to his dad.”

How can I tell if my girlfriend is faking her orgasms?
You can’t. There are two sides to the story here. If you are happy yourself, it depends on whether you care deeply about this person and want her to be happy enough to make it an issue. Otherwise, there’s little you can do. Maybe she just doesn’t consider orgasms an important part of the relationship.

Interviews by Will Doig. Sex Advice From… appears on Thursdays. Have questions for the general public? Send them to sexadvicefrom@nerve.com.


Previous Sex Advice

 


©2005 Nerve.com, Inc.