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Sex Advice from . . . Democratic Activists

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Katie, 23
Drinking Liberally and comic/co-founder of Laughing Liberally
www.drinkingliberally.org
www.laughingliberally.com

How can election-night sex be spiced up if the Democrats win?
Wear blue lingerie underneath red clothing. That way, when you take off your clothes you’re revealing the blue and getting rid of the red. But then you have to have sex with your underwear on, but that’s okay — I’d do it for the cause. Or you can put an elephant trunk on your partner and humiliate the elephant. Donkey-elephant S&M.

promotion

What if the Dems lose?
Make the elephant-donkey role play even worse for the elephant. More whipping, more spitting. More severe.

How are progressives better in the sack?
We’re more compassionate, less selfish. If your sexuality is consistent with your ideology and political outlook, you’re more concerned for the other person and less concerned with your own welfare — “welfare” being your orgasm.

My policy-wonk boyfriend has such a boring job that I’m afraid it’s turning him conservative in bed. How can I help him reverse this decline?
Put graphs on yourself. Cover yourself in edible body paint with graphs and charts. Make a porn film of yourself, then show it to him in the form of a PowerPoint presentation. Or, while naked in bed, ask him, “Do you know how much the national debt just increased in the past fifteen minutes?” Say it in a dirty voice.

KatieMy boyfriend is a McCain guy, but I’m all about Obama. Can this relationship work?
No. We like to pretend these things don’t matter, but they do. There are certain values that are just too important. How can I explain to my kid that your dad doesn’t think that my friend Bob should be able to marry his boyfriend Bill? The personal and political are too linked.

What’s the best way to initiate oral sex in a moving vehicle?
Put on some Lil’ Kim. Play “Not Tonight”. If you’re a deductive reasoner, you might be able to deconstruct the text and get the message: “I don’t want dick tonight, eat my pussy right.” Say, “Hey, you’re gonna want to make a right here, go two miles, go two stop lights, go left at the church and then go down on me.” Pretend you’re looking for a contact lens. “Your shoelace is untied, I don’t want you to trip while driving. Let me tie your shoelace.” One thing leads to another.

Democrats tend to be more forgiving of sex scandals than their conservative counterparts. Does this mean my progressive boyfriend is more likely to forgive me if I have an affair?
No, because we also care more about honesty, so we’ll be more disappointed. But I’d rather have my boyfriend cheat on me than supply the Contras with arms, or say he broke up with me because he found weapons of mass destruction in my bathroom.

Where’s the best place to pick up a Democrat?
Flag-burning or baby-killing parties, or a taping of The Colbert Report.

Matt, 24
Democratic political blogger
www.baltimoregroupblog.com
www.myleftnutmeg.com

Matt Is working on a campaign a good way to find a date?
Not during the campaign, because most people who work on a campaign don’t have thirty seconds to think for themselves, let alone go out and have dinner with someone. But it’s a good way to build bridges for future relationships because you collect a lot of business cards.

How are progressives better in the sack?
We’re working for a better America. We care about people and making sure that everybody is living the best life they possibly can. So we’re more comfortable with servicing our partners first and taking stock of how they’re doing emotionally.

What’s the best way to initiate oral sex in a moving vehicle?
Sixty-nine works best. There’s a little room by the foot pedal, and you could have your partner do the gas and brakes while she’s down there.

My boyfriend is a McCain guy but I like Obama. Can this relationship work?
If it’s McCain and Obama, sure. Obama can appeal to people across the political spectrum, and McCain is believed to be an independent person. That’s about as good as you can get in a Democrat-Republican relationship. George Allen and Barack Obama wouldn’t work out because Allen is a hardcore racist. My last serious girlfriend was conservative and her parents were NRA members, extremely right-wing. Our relationship worked, but largely because we didn’t talk about politics. But that’s not a healthy solution. People who care about politics shouldn’t be forced to leave them at the foot of the bed.

Democrats tend to be more forgiving of sex scandals than Republicans. Does this mean my progressive boyfriend is more likely to forgive me if I have an affair?
The two things have nothing to do with each other. Forgiving a sex scandal is not forgiving the act, it’s about whether or not the media should focus on it. I don’t think anyone has defended Bill Clinton for having oral sex with Monica Lewinsky, but they’ve defended him from being impeached. On the other hand, liberals strive to build honest, transparent government, and that goes down to our take on relationships. We expect people to be honest and forthright and when they make mistakes, to be held accountable for them.

I had a one-night stand with a guy. Afterward, he invited me to join him on his business trip to Paris. This sounds crazy. Should I do it?
It depends on what kind of one-night stand it was. You can go out, get drunk and go home with a person and not say two words about yourself. Or you could have a one-night stand with someone and hit it off with them. If there’s hope for something more, why not? There’s nothing wrong with taking a bold first step in a relationship.


Emily, 24

www.swingthestate.org

emily Given recent events, is it okay to send dirty instant messages from work?
If you don’t like your job, send dirty instant messages. Make them as dirty as possible and put the dirty words in all caps. If you’re going to get fired, why not get fired for something exciting? I send dirty IMs to my boyfriend everyday to get me through my workday. If I have to look at Excel sheets all day, I want to talk about what I’m going to do when I come home that night.

How can sex be spiced up on election night?
Make it a game. If you get more votes, you get to do your favorite sex act. If you lose, you have to do something you don’t really like to do. Or just do something you’ve never tried before to cheer each other up.

I had a one-night stand with a guy. Afterward, he invited me to join him on a business trip to Paris. Should I do it?
Try to find out if his company was offering to pay for someone to travel with him. If his business is paying, I would go for it. But if the guy was going to pay with his own money, I’d be a little worried. He just emptied his piggy bank to buy a stranger a plane ticket to Paris. I would run.

I told my friend I’d set her up with my coworker, but now I want to date him instead. My friend is already excited about meeting him. Is it too late to cancel the set-up?
If your friend never saw his picture and doesn’t know his name, just find another guy from work to set her up with. If she never knew who he was, she’ll have no idea, and you’ll get to make the move on your co-worker first. In imagining what a good boyfriend he might be for your friend, you realized what a perfect boyfriend he would be for you. It’s only fair that you get to keep him. Your friend is missing out on nothing.

How are progressives better in the sack?
Open-minded people are more willing to try new things.

I just broke up with my girlfriend. I became close with her friends over the course of our relationship. Can I remain friends with my ex’s friends after the breakup?
Ask the ex. It’s her decision if they were her friends first.

My boyfriend’s a McCain guy, but I’m all about Obama. Can this relationship work?
Can you imagine an elephant and a donkey having sex? Symbolism exists for a reason. My dad was a Democrat and my mom was a Republican, and they divorced when I was three. If you’re passionate on one side or the other, it would be hard to have a relationship. I could never go out with a Republican.

Noel, 28
Worked on the John Kerry and David Patterson (NY State Senate) campaigns
www.laughingliberally.com
www.bloggingliberally.com

noelI told my friend that I was going to set her up with my coworker, but now I want to date him instead. My friend is already excited about meeting him. Is it too late to cancel the set-up?
Why don’t you both go out with him and just find out who he takes home? Or you can all have a three-way.

Is working on a campaign a good way to find a date?
It’s the best way to find a date. During the Kerry campaign and the Democratic convention, there were always people who ended up dating each other. Everyone who worked on the 2000 convention got married and has gotten a divorce since then.

How can sex be spiced up on election night?
Even on a night you win, you’re five seconds from passing out at any moment because you operate on no sleep. The best sex is the morning after.

I had a one-night stand with a guy. Afterward, he invited me to join him on a business trip to Paris. Should I do it?
Sure, why not? Is there a problem in exploring life? You want to have a great story when you’re on your deathbed saying how you slept with a person and he took you to Paris and you made love in the bathrooms of the Eiffel Tower.

How are progressives better in the sack?
From personal experience dating both conservative and liberals, there’s no difference. Except for the shoes they were wearing. The conservatives wore Prada and the progressives wore Chuck Taylors. But both sides of the aisle can be freaky in bed. When the clothes come off, you can’t tell who’s conservative and who’s progressive.
 

Interviews by Kai Ma. Sex Advice From… appears on Thursdays. Have questions for the general public? Send them to sexadvicefrom@nerve.com.

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