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Sex Advice from . . . Dog Walkers

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Brent, 30

My boyfriend called me his ex-girlfriend’s name in bed. He swears it was a meaningless slip, but should I be concerned that he’s fantasizing about her while in bed with me?
It depends if it’s happened more than once. The best approach would be to be direct about it and ask him why he thinks it happened. If he doesn’t want to talk about it, that’s a bad sign.

promotion

My girlfriend wants to have a threesome. I’m all for it, but I think we should lay out some ground rules first. How can I do that without seeming like a micromanager?
The reason you want to lay ground rules is because you’re worried about feeling jealous. You want to be like, "No touching this person there," and, "No letting this person do that to you," because you think you can avoid jealousy that way. If you want to make ground rules, you’re probably already headed towards jealousy issues.

Sex in the park: dirty good or dirty bad?
Dirty good! Just be sure you don’t roll onto a needle or get assaulted.

How can I meet a woman for a one-night stand?
I don’t recommend lying to get a one-night stand by telling them you love them or something. Just make friends with girls and it ends up happening. Like anything with sex, trying to force something to happen is a bad idea. Be relaxed and open to what the world brings you. People will surprise you.

I have a crush on a guy who is still hung up on his ex even though they’ve been broken up for almost six months. Should I make a move?
Sure, but go into it looking at it as a good way for him to get over his ex. Him being hung up could be a sign of his earnestness and the depth of his emotions when it comes to relationships, and that can be good.

I’ve been in a great relationship for three years, and I love my partner, but I’ve got a wandering eye. How can I get it out of my system without ruining the relationship?
If you think you just need a one-time piece to get it out of your system, you don’t have a committed relationship. If I’m really in love with a girl, I can see another girl and know she’s gorgeous, but it’s not tempting. But if my relationship’s on the rocks, I may think I need just one little shot in the arm.

What can a dog tell you about its owner?
Some people have dogs they don’t really seem to like. Recently, I told a cute girl that her dog was cute, and she said, "Yeah, but he’s a pain in the ass and he chews on this and that." If you’re that way about an animal that lives in your house, how are you going to be with your boyfriend? When someone says, "Oh, you’ve got a cute boyfriend," she’ll be like, "Yeah, but he pees on the carpet."


Mira, 27


My girlfriend is allergic to dogs, and I am mildly obsessed with dogs. What can we do about this?
You could shave the dog. But if this is really a major obstacle, it could also be a sign that you’re not ready to live together.

What’s the secret to a successful threesome?
It should be an egalitarian threesome where everyone is participating. Let the love flow, but make sure the third person is just an accessory.

I have a crush on a guy who is still hung up on his ex. Should I make a move, or give him more time?
I would make the move. But this isn’t the time to try to sweep him off his feet. He may just need a rebound. If you just want to sleep with him, you should totally hook up with each other.

My boyfriend is not great at giving oral sex. How can I train him without offending him?
Always start off with a compliment. Say, "I’m so attracted to you and I want our sex life to be even better than it is." Say, "I’ve been doing some research about different ways we can do it. Maybe we can try if you’re interested, because you’re already so good at it." Then talk him through it as you’re doing it — this probably won’t be very sexy, so throw in some moaning.

Why should people date dog walkers?
Dog walkers are patient and tolerant — they literally pick up shit. They wipe the asses of the things they love. They’re super fit. And most dog walkers are not just dog walkers — they’re artists, writers, musicians, or poets. All the dog walkers I know are really laid back and they can’t avoid stopping to smell the roses. If you want to date someone who’s a musician or artist, that’s the kind of musician or artist you want to date.

I’ve been in a great relationship for three years, and I love my partner, but I’ve got a wandering eye. How can I get it out of my system without ruining the relationship?
My boyfriend is such a cool guy, but I’ve had a wandering eye before too. What works for me is getting close enough to a situation so it’s not like you’re doing something wrong, but it’s almost wrong. Then the guilt kicks in.


Matt, 30

Where can I go to meet women who are just looking for a one-night stand?
Go to a lesbian bar. Everybody knows that. I lived with lesbians, we went to bars a lot and one of the girls brought a different girl home every night. She didn’t even really have tact, she was just flirtatious and physical. There wasn’t any pretense.

I have a crush on a guy who is still hung up on his ex. Should I make a move, or give him more time?
I wouldn’t make a move. The last girl I was with was on the rebound, and the sex was good, but every other day it was like, "I miss him, I miss him."

My boyfriend isn’t all that great at oral sex. How can I train him without offending him?
He has to be a man and be willing to take criticism on that. We’re not born knowing how to do that. Be direct and tell him how to do it. Girls would tell me what to do while I was doing it and I didn’t mind. I wanted to know.

Why should people date dog walkers?
They shouldn’t. We don’t make any money.

But aren’t there characteristics of dog walkers that make them good partners?
Dog walkers have to be sensitive to needs, patient and considerate. Dog walking is from the heart.


Ben, 24

I have a crush on a guy who is still hung up on his ex. Should I make a move, or give him more time?
Make a move. Be prepared to hear a lot about his ex, but go ahead.

My boyfriend isn’t great at giving oral sex. How can I train him without offending him?
I’m glad this is a situation I haven’t come across in awhile. If my boyfriend gave me bad head, I’d show him how to do it better. Just be mindful not to hurt his ego. Don’t say, "I don’t think you’re working as hard as you could be."

My boyfriend doesn’t like condoms, and I’m a safety queen. How can I get him more excited about sex with a condom?
I can’t imagine dating someone who wasn’t into wearing condoms. I think guys who say that condoms are uncomfortable are douchebags. Stop sleeping with him. And don’t try to make it any more pleasant for him. He needs to get accustomed to putting it on.

I don’t like sex in the morning, but my girlfriend loves it. What’s our compromise?
Drinking in the morning.

Are people with certain breeds of dog sexier than others?
I find big dogs sexy. I also find firemen sexy, so dalmations are pretty hot.

Dog walkers go into so many houses when the owners aren’t home. Have you ever had any wild encounters when no one but the dog was home?
I plead the fifth. I have a career to think about.
 

Interviews by Nicole Pasulka. Sex Advice From… appears on Thursdays. Have questions for the general public? Send them to sexadvicefrom@nerve.com.

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